STALKER WANTED!!

(please try not to take this serious as some people have lol)

Hi, I am SWM 26 years of age 6’3” black hair and brown eyes. I would consider myself an average guy.
I am currently taking applications to fill a recently opened position of stalker that must be filled asap. The previous attendant is now facing charges of attempted murder with a deadly weapon, so now the application process has begun!
Come and be part of an exciting new career that offers no monetary compensation, no health benefits and no 401k plan.
However it does promise to offer many exciting and suspenseful times that will sure come to pass as you try to satiate your ravenous lust for that special someone.
Your days and nights are never a bore as you must constantly use all of your intuitive resources to track your objective.
When my schedule changes then so does yours.
As I become more and more aware of some possible imminent dangers that are present, I must then change my daily and nightly routine. This can make for some interesting days and even more stimulating nights. No need to worry about the competition, when other women become part of the picture simply edge them out by any means you deem necessary.
Must have the following:
1. Ability to monitor, and act around another person’s schedule.
2. Must be able to work long and sometimes arduous hours.
3. Computer skills a plus as they will be used to monitor my online activity.
4. Good driving skills.
5. Must have the capacity to stay incognito at a moments notice, i.e. wigs, make-up and a change of clothing.
6. Knife and or experience with firearms.
7. Must know how to tie knots, for situations that require you to hold me captive. If rope is a problem for you then you can use duct tape (but you might need a lot so buy two rolls).
8. Training in the martial arts can be helpful but not necessary, just as long as you have some sort of weapon and or equalizer to give you the advantage needed to take me down as I begin to fight back to escape your deranged clutches.
9. Bunny cooking experiences a plus.
These requirements are not set in stone they are very flexible, it all depends on how adept your demented abilities are or can become.Please send a copy of your resume with a photo today to begin the application process. Also include a paragraph or two about yourself. Feel free to ask any questions you might have about me: favorite music, food, movies, hobbies, like/dislikes ect. This will expedite the entire process and make both of us feel more comfortable about the situation. Thank you for your time and have a nice day.

*WOMEN ONLY!
* Location: Ontario