My gorgeous wiffy and me



I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. so imagine if you will Shakespeare reading a poem by me and wincing.....

Went out for a hot coffee
Ended up buying a dog
Walked with a mouth of toffee
Rejecting the views on god
Still i stroll in the graveyard
And i wonder whos up there
I once got called a retard
For shaving my facial hair
Someone said you've gone crazy
Said whos not insane today
Theres some that say im lazy
Whilst they sit online all day
Spending there time complaining
To everybody thats there
My mind is as a painting
Into which my critics stare

To their state of perfection
A canvas thats almost bare

Location.

Just Realised nowhere does it say on here what nationality i am Im English, incase you arn't aware of England it sits in the upper middle of a world map and its the smallish island with another island to the left of it, England is the middle and lower bit of the right hand island, which is also known as the United Kingdom but that includes a wee bit of the top of the island to your left, confused yet, ahhh European boarders you can't beat them you could always ask someone which way left and right are.......

Were famous for inventing everything you can just about think of, having an empire that folded like a soufleé in a fridge, using bits of metal and ice cream cones to keep warmongering europeans out, and being the kid that hangs out with the school bully when it comes to diplomatic relations, e.g America says give us all your oil or we'll hit you very hard, and Britain leans around the back of America and goes YEAH and shakes a fist.....

were also a country that embraces everything from S&M to Homosexuality from Afgans to Zimbabwaneze, or Rwandans as my granmother would still call them, im proud to be from a country so rich in culture and so seeped in history, and the people are some of the funniest most diverse people in the world,

Some of the most spectacular scenery, from the wild moors of Scotland their mountains rivers and glens, the rolling dales of Yorkshire and the beautiful Lancashire countryside that gives way to England's paridise in the Lakes, the range of hills the backbone of England the Pennines and there moors, where only heather and bracken grow but the beauty remains, the old and ancient forest of Dean, Wales with it's steep hills and valleys, castles and the former engine of the world in the midlands, the cotswold hills and Sailsbury plain an area of mystic and spiritualism for centurys, Stonehenge and Aylesbury with its 7000 years and more of history and the coasts are steeped in high cliffs in Scotland the waves pound the cliffs relentlasly as the atlantic rollers batter the coast into submission there are some other bits south of Watford called London but as its such a small and culturally unimportant area its been glossed over....

We have the bay of morecambe where you can walk 3 miles towards the sea on flat beach but beware of the tides they can swirl in behind you, we have the world in miniture and every race and every colour you can find here,

The world used to start in Britain and the sun never set on our Empire, this is now our Commonwelth and as such alot of these people are living here today from Canada to India, Australia to the Falkland islands, religion is predomantly gone, well the figures say 80% Christian but if you ask most of them when pushed they will write Jedi instead, as a result though some of the finest buildings in this country are being neglected our churches, religious or not a 9th century building should be preserved, Islam is a big religion where i live as is Hinduism and Judaism, most preach there religions peacefuly and for the most live harmoniously with everyone else here,

We import more than we export these days thanks to the EEC (European Economic Community) we now pay farmers to grow nothing, good work if you can get it i say, but with the recent foot and mouth and other countrywide activitys there having to diversify more and more, and farming isn't as glamourous as it 1st looks, but it was nice to see sheep in the fields and cows in there pastures again this year, and British beef is officially rash free cue the French burning sheep and cattle,

Im proud of where i live and we are for the most part loving, generous and warm hearted people with a sarcasic, dry and unforgiving humour at times, but we mean no harm, our governments on the other hand have other ideas but thats a debate i won't have here.

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GenderMaleMarital Status.

Rule 100 :)

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Hobbies & Interests.

To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.

I used to be a life guard till this blue kid got me the sack, i started shaving my privates after i got stopped by customs and accused of smuggling chewbacca in my shorts,im also trying to make Jenny Dew one of Baskin Robins 31 flavours..........

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Favourite GadgetsBefore you read this, im no way religious, but these are my beliefs for a better world



Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light,

Blessed are the nutty, for they add texture,

Blessed are the plain, for they go well with the curtains,

Blessed are the old, there wisdom should be remembered,

Blessed are the Abnormal, the strange and the weird, for without them we wouldn't believe in an old bearded guy on a cloud directing life,

Blessed are the Spiritual, they know why,

Blessed are the Atheists for i can now buy a church to live in,

Blessed are those which help others to live, for only they can live in happiness,

Blessed are those which tell the money grabbers the forced collections and the charity plate where they can shove it, and perform acts of charity themselves, for there rewards will last eternally,

Blessed are the Adopters the fosters that let our children have a better life,

Blessed are the Drunkards the Addicts and Susceptible for without them the world wouldn't be the same from Ulysses S. Grant to Churchill from Oliver reed to Shakespeare,

Blessed are those who speak there mind no matter how controversial a subject matter the words they use or the manner in which they speak them, without them free speech doesn't exist,

Blessed are the people who stand up for Liberty AND Freedom, for they do know that they can't be seperated,

Blessed are the people who stand up to tyranny and fight for there beliefs, for they will always have a cause,

Blessed are the Children, for there innocence should never leave,

Finally blessed are you all if you find the world in this earth, for you have seen paradise.......


Occupation

conversly im not Jesus so i don't believe in a perfect world, so heres the bit they never printed in 1650AD



Screwed are the argumentative the steadfast and the unchangeable, for your justification is what holds the world back

Screwed are the Sane the unwilling and the prudent, for by the time you work life out it will have ended

Screwed are the People who give money instead of effort to charity, Charity begins when you do and not when you give 2 hours driving a bus for OAPS would have a much better effect on your spirit your mind and your wellbeing than any sunday collection plate will,

Screwed are the people who fight to impose there will on others, for they go against the free will of the people,

Screwed are the people who don't listen to or look at the world, for with your eyes closed how can you see the will of the many

Screwed is anyone who has 2 bottles of whisky on a saturday night

Screwed are the governments of this world who lie to the people, opress the people, for they will never gain favour in the eyes of the many

Screwed are the unforgiving and the trecherous, because the only people you are hurting is yourself be truthfull and honest, and you will find yourself respected, lie, cheat and forget, and you too will be lied to cheated on and forgotten

Screwed are the people who make us believe that being yourself isn't propper, if i wanted to live in a world without individuality i would live in wales

Screwed are the people who can't take a joke or find humour in the darkest of places, if it helps someone to laugh let them laugh as you would let someone cry,

Screwed are the people who corrupt the innocence of the world, who can't see past there own self gain, the power hungry and the elite, you must always remember the people for they are your children, your life blood and your superiors, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, that each have a life that is equal to yours no one life is worth anything more or less than your own, and treat each life you meet as such

Screwed are the people that when offered friendship refuse, the people who you greet but don't answer back, the olive branch burners, for it is you that corrupted the work of many before who tried to make life a little better for us all,

but above all, remember to be yourself, have fun and always remember to live



hope i gave you some inspiration or at least a laugh......


Personal QuoteThe fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be

All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.

Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works