I wrote this profile about 5 years ago as a spoof on Internet profiles, and about peed my pants laffin while doing so...I have seen a few who have copied it...But Thats ok.. ;)

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling
walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and Goddess like trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I am bored I build suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesday after work I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of Corduroy evening wear. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number 9 and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400 my deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in the international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy I once read Paradise Island, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I rarely sleep, but when I do, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are all paid. On weekends to let steam off, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a microwave and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in SRI LANKA and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Ophelia. I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.[wink wink]. Actually, I am a Mom and an Amazing Person!! I can beat you at backgammon, and then skunk you in Acey-Deucey. I am a comedian. I am a cover-thief. Sometimes if I'm really tired, I'll snore (very lightly). I don't just talk in my sleep, I sometimes give dissertations. So, thats a lil about me. **smirks**