100 REDNECK JOKES - TOO FUNNY
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF................
1. YOU WEAR A DRESS THAT'S STRAPLESS WITH A BRA THAT ISN'T.
2. YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE KKK AND CAN'T SPELL IT.
3. FARTING IN THE BATHTUB IS CONSIDERED A BUBBLE BATH.
4. YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAVE THE SAME HAIRCUT.
5. YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T TAKE THE MARLBORO FROM BETWEEN HER LIPS WHILE CUSSING OUT THE HIGHWAY PATROL.
6. YOUR PORCH COLLAPSES AND KILLS MORE THAN 3 DOGS.
7. THE JACK-O-LANTERN ON YOUR FRONT PORCH HAS MORE TEETH THAN YOU.
8. THE BIGGEST CITY YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO WAS WAL-MART.
9. IT TAKES 32 RELATIVES IN YOUR LIVING ROOM TO MAKE A FULL SET OF TEETH.
10. YOU ARE ACCUSED OF LYING THROUGH YOUR TOOTH.
11. YOU LET YOUR 12 YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER SMOKE POT INFRONT OF HER KID.
12. YOU SAW A SIGN THAT SAYS, "NO TO CRACK" AND IT REMINDED YOU TO PULL UP YOUR PANTS.
13. YOU TAKE YOUR PROM DATE TO THE WAFFLE HOUSE.
14. THE BLUEBOOK VALUE OF YOUR TRUCK CHANGES WITH THE AMOUNT OF GAS YOU HAVE IN IT.
15. YOU CONSIDER A 7 COURSE MEAL AS A BUCKET OF CHICKEN AND A SIX-PACK.
16. ONE OF YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS IS A PACK OF REDMAN.
17. YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IS A HAND ME DOWN.
18. YOU WONDER HOW SERVICE STATIONS KEEP THEIR BATHROOMS CLEAN.
19. YOU MOW YOUR LAWN TO FIND A CAR WITHOUT WHEELS.
20. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE COMES ON TV.
21. YOU AND YOUR DAD WALK TO SCHOOL TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU ARE IN THE SAME GRADE.
22. YOU ARE WALKING YOUR DOG AND YOU BOTH STOP TO PISS IN THE SAME BUSH.
23. YOU THINK THE LAST FOUR WORDS OF THE NATIONAL ANTHEM ARE, "GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES."
24. YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION INCLUDED A BEER BRUNCH.
25. YOU CRACK OPEN A BEER DURING A FUNERAL BURIAL.
26. YOUR CHURCH USES SHOT GLASSES AND MOONSHINE FOR HOLY COMMUNION.
27. YOU DIED BECAUSE A COW SAT ON YOU FOR DRINKING MILK.
28. YOU STUDY FOR A BLOOD TEST.
29. YOUR FAMILY GETS KICKED OUT OF YOUR KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION FOR FIGHTING.
30. YOU HAVE AN ASSIGNED DAY TO WEAR THE FAMILY TOOTH.
31. YOU GET MARRIED ON A PLATFORM ON TOP OF AN EMPTY ABOVE GROUND SWIMMING POOL.
32. YOU THINK DOM PERIGNON IS A MAFIA BOSS.
33. YOUR DAD BOUGHT YOU A GALLON OF PEPTO-BISMOL FOR CHRISTMAS.
34. YOU THINK FLY SWATTING IS A NATIONAL SPORT.
35. YOU BELIEVE ALL STAR WRESTLING IS AN OLYMPIC SPORT.
36. YOU HEAR, "TAKE OUT THE TRASH" AND YOU SHOOT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.
37. YOUR CAPITAL OF HOME IMPROVEMENT IS FOUR TIRES AND RIMS.
38. YOU GO TO A FAMILY REUNION TO MEET A HUSBAND/WIFE.
39. YOUR WIFE PUTS, "FOUR FOR A DOLLAR" ON HER NAME TAG AT THE FAMILY REUNION.
40. YOUR BABY'S FIRST WORDS ARE "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS".
41. THE LAST THING YOU SAY BEFORE YOU DIE WAS, "HEY YA'LL WATCH THIS."
42. YOU'VE EVER VACATIONED AT A HIGHWAY REST AREA.
43. YOUR FATHER, BROTHER, MOTHER, SISTER, MOTHER-IN-LAW, SISTER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, FATHER-IN-LAW ARE OF THE SAME GENES.
44. YOU THINK JACK SHIT IS A CELEBRITY.
45. YOU THINK LOADING THE DISHWASHER MEANS GETTING THE WIFE DRUNK.
46. YOU FIX A CAR ENGINE WHILE ON THE TOILET.
47. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE CARBURETOR OUT OF THE BATHTUB SO YOUR WIFE CAN TAKE A BATH.
48. YOUR MOTHER HAS AMMO ON HER CHRISTMAS LIST.
49. IT TAKES TWO TWINKIES, A BEER AND YOUR SISTER TO GET TO SECOND BASE.
50. YOU DO ALL YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AT A TRUCK STOP.
51. YOU'RE PLAYING SOCCER AND YOU SAY, "I HIT MY TWO BEST BALLS TODAY WITH A RAKE."
52. YOU CLEAN YOUR TOILET BY PISSING ON THE STAINS.
53. YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO GET SOMETHING FROM YOUR FRIDGE.
54. YOUR WIFE WEARS THE SAME UNDERWEAR AS YOU DO.
55. YOU LIT A MATCH IN YOUR BATHROOM AND IT BLEW YOUR HOUSE OF IT'S WHEELS.
56. YOU ARE TAUGHT SEX-ED AND DRIVERS-ED IN THE SAME CAR.
57. GOING TO THE BATHROOM AT NIGHT INVOLVES A FLASHLIGHT AND SHOES.
58. YOUR HOUSE HAS MORE MILES ON IT THAN YOUR CAR.
59. ALL YOUR SALAD BOWLS SAY "COOL WHIP" ON THE SIDE OF THEM.
60. YOU HAVE EVER BEEN IN A CUSTODY FIGHT OVER A COON DOG.
61. YOU USE A FLYSWATTER AS A COOKING SPATULA.
62. A PEACEFUL MEDITATION IS ONE WITHOUT GAS.
63. BAMBI MADE YOU HUNGRY FOR A RABBIT.
64. YOUR LIFELONG GOAL IS TO OWN A FIREWORKS STAND.
65. YOU DIVORCE YOUR WIFE AND SHE'S STILL YOUR SISTER.
66. YOU CONSIDER THE FIFTH GRADE YOUR SENIOR YEAR.
67. YOU PREFER CAR KEYS TO Q-TIPS.
68. YOU WERE CONCEIVED, BORN AND TAUGHT ON A POOL TABLE.
69. YOU REGULARLY CHECK THE MILEAGE ON YOUR HOME.
70. YOU USE YOUR IRONING BOARD AS A BUFFET TABLE.
71. THERE HAS EVER BEEN "CRIME SCENE" TAPE INFRONT OF YOUR BATHROOM DOOR.
72. YOUR SENIOR PROM HAD A DAYCARE PROGRAM.
73. YOU THINK SUBDIVISION IS A MATH COURSE.
74. THE ONLY PICTURES YOU HAVE WERE TAKEN FROM THE FRONT OR SIDE.
75. YOU RECYCLE MOTOR OIL BY MOVING IF FROM THE CAR TO THE TRUCK.
76. YOU NEED ANOTHER HOLE PUNCH TO GET YOUR FREEBIE AT THE TATTOO PARLOR.
77. YOU THINK GENITALIA IS AN ITALIAN AIRLINE.
78. YOU THINK FAST FOOD IS HITTING A DEER AT 90 MPH.
79. YOU THINK A WOMAN WHO IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE BOWLS ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.
80. YOU THINK THE FRENCH RIVIERA IS A FOREIGN CAR.
81. YOU EVER GOT TOO DRUNK TO WATCH NASCAR.
82. YOUR FAMILY TREE HAS ONLY ONE BRANCH.
83. YOU'RE CONSIDERED AN EXPERT ON WORM BEDS.
84. YOUR DOGS HOUSE HAS WHEELS ALSO.
85. YOUR FRONT PORCH WIND CHIMES CONSIST OF NOTHING BUT BEER CANS.
86. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES AND STILL HAVE THE SAME IN-LAWS.
87. YOU'VE EVER BOUGHT A USED HAT.
88. YOU'VE TOTALED EVERY CAR YOU'VE EVER OWNED.
89. YOU VACUUM YOUR BED SHEETS INSTEAD OF WASH THEM.
90. YOUR RELATIVES TOAST AT YOUR WEDDING WITH BUDWEISER.
91. JACK DANIELS MAKES YOUR LIST OF MOST ADMIRED PEOPLE.
92. YOU HIDE EASTER EGGS UNDER COW PIES.
93. YOU WERE LATE FOR YOUR WEDDING BECAUSE YOU WERE AT A MONSTER TRUCK RALLY.
94. YOU EVER GIVE SOMEONE A GREASE MOP FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
95. YOU CLEAN YOUR FINGERNAILS WITH A KNIFE.
96. YOU CAN FRENCH KISS WITH A TOOTHPICK IN YOUR MOUTH.
97. YOU HAVE EVER BEEN ASKED TO LEAVE AT A YARDSALE.
98. YOU'VE EVER HAD TO WASH OFF WITH A GARDEN HOSE IN THE BACKYARD BEFORE YOUR WIFE WOULD LET YOU IN THE HOUSE.
99. YOU TAPE TOILET PAPER TO YOUR TV AND CALL IT FREE PAPER VIEW.
100. YOUR DOG RIDES IN THE TRUCK WITH YOU MORE THAN YOUR WIFE.
