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In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face,stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. >> > > Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself -- and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache'. And -- It worked, the headaches are all gone!" The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later -- and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral services will be held on Monday.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. >> >> Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an >> amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the >> mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were >> willing to try it out. >> >> Both said they were very much in favor of it. >> >> The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, >> explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the >> father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the >> husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a >> notch. >> >> The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The >> husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's >> blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. >> >> At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband >> continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously >> helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to >> transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with >> virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her >> husband were ecstatic. >> >> When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.

>>The following short quiz consists of 4 questions, and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional." >> >>Scroll down for each answer. The questions are >> NOT that difficult. >> >>1. How do you put a giraffe into a >> refrigerator? >> >>The correct answer is: >>Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. >>This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in a overly complicated way. >> >>2. How do you put an elephant into a >> refrigerator? >> >>Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator"? Wrong Answer >>Correct Answer: >>Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. >>This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. >> >>3. The Lion King is hosting an Animal Conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? >> >>Correct Answer: >>The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. >>This tests your memory. >>OK, even if you did not >> answer the first three questions correctly, you >>still have one more chance >> to show your true abilities. >>4. There is a river you must >> cross, but it is inhabited by crocodiles. Howdo you manage it? >>Correct Answer: >>You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. >>This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. >>But many preschoolers got several correct answers. >>Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded: "Oh.! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males and two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone.”

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself -- and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache'. And -- It worked, the headaches are all gone!" The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later -- and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral services will be held on Monday.