Lesava's blog: "VENTING"

Saying this right now; if I get any responses saying that I need to stop whining, I'm deleting them, or flat out ignoring them; know that right now.

I haven't been online because alot has been going on.  My brother and niece are making a move here from California and I have been trying to help with that.  I also have been preparing for rotator cuff surgery that is happening  next Tuesday May 10, and then this past Sunday, I get my first kidney stone.  Aren't I the lucky one LMAO  It passed yesterday, thank goodness, but being on a liquid diet for the last 5 days, I'm a tad weak.  I am actually flat out exhausted.

Anyway, this morning, I woke up dragging myself out of bed.  I had barely woken up, not allowed to have coffee yet (THAT is really bad) and my mother HAD to have paperwork researched on the computer for our tax attorney (it WASN'T important, it is for NEXT YEAR).  I asked her if she could give me a few minutes to get myself a little more coordinated before I did it.  She went ballistic; said, "I didn't realize you were dying, Jesus Christ".  I immediately got up and did it, barely able to see the screen while I was on the computer.  I emailed the FUCKING papers, told her it was done, and ignored her ass.  I got the silent treatment all day.  My brother and I went out and got what I need for my pre surgery prep, and came home.  I forgot something, and told people I was going out.  I told Mom, asked her if she needed anything, and she said, "I don't want a damn thing from you."  You know what I was going out to get?  A Mother's Day card smh

I had to run to the bank as well; did that first, went to the store and got her fucking card, and then I stopped at a park about a half mile from the house, parked my Jeep, let my brother know where I was, and I started absolutely bawling.  I have never cried like that in my life.  I laid my seat back and just cried for about 30 minutes.  Everything, mom's emotional abuse, the stress I'm under here with her, it just all came out.  I was almost paralyzed.  My sweetest, most loving person in the world was texting with me, and he was sending voice messages crying with me cuz he couldn't be here with me; he's serving overseas right now.  It helped, but I still couldn't believe the tears I was crying.

I know she can't help some of it; her medicine sends her emotions into a whirlwind.  Still, it My brother sees it, my niece sees it, but she doesn't.

She is still ignoring me, that is fine.  I'm going to a movie in the morning, and then MAYBE I will take her out for a late lunch tomorrow.  We don't do Mother's Day on the actual day, too damn busy.  Tomorrow is another day, we will see how she is, but damn it, I need out of this damn house.