Lesava's blog: "VENTING"

I was going to put this under Life With A Parkinson's Patient, but this is going to be a good ole vent. 

#1 Mom has everyone in our life worrying about her, always concerned for her, calling, etc.  I love that they do that, that keeps her happy, talking with them keeps her mind working, it's wonderful.  It would be nice if just for ONCE, someone would call, and ask, "How's Nikki doing?"  Family and friends NEVER ask about me, they always ask me about Mom if she isn't around, but they don't ask if I'm all right.  I don't exist anymore because of the Parkinson's, and I have a real problem with this.  I have my own physical issues: cages in my back, nerve damage, stenosis.  My pain is worse than Mom's, her mobility is worse than mine.  No one ever takes notice.  My poor Aunt Penny in Alaska, on my vacation, she saw what was happening, and she asked me if I was ok, and I started bawling in her arms.  I'm a strong woman, but damn, it's difficult to be strong without a little help.

#2  My mother is of the opinion that I don't take care of her.  I just live with her, I "help" her.  WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!  I do chores, I take care of the dog completely with NO help from her, I do the shopping, I'm the IT person in the house, I drive for her about 95% of the time.  She can't write, I do all her checks, her bills, her letters and cards, paperwork for lawsuits, EVERYTHING.  I have Power of Attorney, so I'm obviously taking care of something!

#3 Taking care of ME is one of the hardest things to do; I'm way too busy dealing with my mother and the dog.  Mom is going to be heading to Vegas on Oct 13 for two weeks, and when she is gone, I will be starting a schedule while she is gone that she can come back to and insert herself into.  I need to be able to take care of me, I NEED to lose weight, I need to be able to meditate (I haven't done it in a LONG while because I've been too damn busy).  I need to be able to get in the pool and stretch so that I can keep my back from locking up completely.  Between water aerobics and yoga, I'm going to be at that gym 4-5 days a week, minimum.  

#4 Taking care of Mom and the dog, I don't have a social life at all.  The few people that talk to me on FUBAR are the only ones I have.  I have no one to talk here in my physical life.  I've started with a Parkinson's support site that looks like it will be a help.  But to have someone to go out for coffee with, or to the park to talk......just thinking about it makes me cry writing this.  I would love that so much.

I'm done for now, I have such a headache, and I have too much to do tomorrow, I need to rest my head.  I have to pack to go down to my brother's place in Northern California for a few days.  I'm going to help him LOL I'm a helper.  But I will get a break as well, so I will take what I can get.