If you're cute, you can call me baby. If you're nice, you can call me sweetie. But if you're hot, you can call me... tonight.

if I knew then what I know now...I'd probably still find a way to screw it up!

if life throws you lemons... bring out the tequila!!!

People say money can't buy happiness. They LIE. Money can buy a jet-ski. You ever see anyone unhappy on a jet-ski? Well?

I'm in need of some TLC, *TOTAL LIVER CORRUPTION*

Hello?? Hello? Can i just get your attention for a moment?? Hello?? Yeah, you there...I just wanted you to know, you are looking absolutely fabulous!!

I'm following the White Rabbit down the rabbit hole, to meet up with the Mad Hatter and have a cup of tea. ;)

How to play the rodeo: Do her doggy style, call out someone else's name and see how long you can hold on! Now that's an 8 second ride!

I'm thinking common sense is not nearly common enough anymore!

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper!! And funnier to watch when people react to it!

S.O.B.E.R. = son of a bitch everything is real

Oral sex is no longer called 69, it is now known as 96 due to the changing economy. The price of eating out has gone up!!

Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.

How ironic would it be if someone choked on a life savor?

Damn right I want my cake & eat it too! What's the sense in having it if you CAN'T eat it???

Damn horns keep knocking down this halo!

There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH

Random thought of the day: If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?

alalalalalalalala!!!!!