One large coffee and the meaning of life please

Every holiday is another chance to make a traumatic memory.Happy New Year

no one ever says marry a girl who knows how to cut hair but thats first on my list next apocalypse

kiss me I'm irish...and almost 100% bacterial free

Well like my father used to always say "what are you fucking high or something?"

the divorce rate increased by 8% this year. Happy Valentines Day

welcome to 40 where you dont have to drink the night before to feel hungover

there are two kinds of people in this world, dog people and people going straight to hell

an 80's music marathon mixed with scotch and other things that can induce a mid life crisis

PSA: never take a picture of a woman when she's not ready. she will stab you

hobbies include playing with fire

current mood: shut the fuck up

if 3 glasses of whiskey cant give you the answer well than fuck that question

yeah you're hot but how's your spelling?

she had me at "i said no motherfucka"

deck the halls with boughs of holly you piece of shit

alcohol is my emotional support animal for the holidays

My phone battery died on the way to work today and had to read a newspaper like some neanderthal

my safe word is your husband is home

there are two kinds of people in the world, people who love dogs and dicks