People who like to judge and throw accusations around are really just trying hard to cover up their own issues and insecurities.

When I was born the Devil said, "OH SHIT! COMPETITION!" and then ran to his room and locked the door.

The doctor told me I need a more balanced diet... he was right. Now that I drink with a beer in each hand, I feel a lot better!

A chicken & an egg are lying in bed. The chicken happily smokes while the egg looks a bit pissed off. The egg mutters "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

There is a very fine line between "I'm having The BEST TIME EVER!" and "What the hell happened last night?!" Just sayin . . .

My ATTITUDE is everything & makes me who I'm. Without it I wouldn't be me. oh u don't like it well I have a great ass u can kiss cause I don't give a damn...

If I ride the short bus, and wear the helmet, who's wants to bring the bottle of vodka and candy and be my window licker?

Hey, why don't you take a long hot bath in gasoline and smoke a Marlboro!

Just wish that for one day I could truly speak my mind and tell people what I really think about them. Unfortunately, I am too damn nice for my own good.

People collect all kinds of things nowadays. I'm collecting money. If you have any..old, new, wrinkled. Send it my way. I will add it proudly to my collection.

May the flees of 1000 camels infect the crotch of whoever ruined your day and may their arms be too short to scratch. Then you can have a good day.

I should have been born with a warning label.

Just think, whenever your having a bad day, remember you could have been swallowed.

You don't try to change my attitude, and I won't try to slap the stupid out of you! Deal?

when life throws ya LEMONS...get some SALT and TEQUILA and call it a friggin day!!

The new meaning to the term Stop, Drop and Roll... Stop running your mouth, Drop the drama, and Roll your ass out the door..

Some people just need a hug sometimes... Around their neck... With a very long rope..

Wants my tombstone to say: "I didn't forward the text message to 15 friends...

the little voices in my head stopped talking to me, now they're texting.

I'm not crazy, I'm misunderstood!! & I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off!!