MEMzZzy FIFO AKA Mr VirusxFIFOx's blog: "Untitled 1"

Dear You,

 How are you in your other life. Me I am still here on Earth. Seeing how

much it's changed since you left. It's a ugly world now. It feels like it rains

everyday but no water falls it's like you don't cry. Your too happy where your

at while we are here remembering you crying and sad because I miss your

friendship. You helped me more than you know. I would have lost my

ability to love if I haven't had met you because even though I was a

stranger on the other side of the world. A different culture even but you

looked past that and called me first friend then brother. I still wonder what

might have been if we had the chance to meet but GOD called you home

before that chance was given. You were so young not even given the

chance to live your life really. You were just a little girl really in this big

world but really you were a grown woman by the world's standards. I know

it's not suppose to be questioned as to why you left but sometimes it

can't be helped. You told me never to cry for you but if I didn't I couldn't

heal from these feelings of lost. You went without fear. It's like you knew

where you belong. I wish you could have stayed though because I miss

your friendship even to this day. You always knew what to say to make

me smile. Seems like these days are few and far between these days.

I know though your not really gone>. You live still in my memories.

The times we laughed. The day you left and told me that I shouldn't be

afraid because anytime I needed you to listen you were a star in the sky

shining down on me.   All I had to do is was talk and you'll be there no

matter what. I guess in closing it hurt me worse than you wanted to be

but that's only because I cherished your friendship more than you could

possibly know but I'm sure you do because your in my heart so you know

my feelings. So I guess I wanted to say hi again and that I haven't

forgotten. So this isn't goodbye it's good journey and to let you know I'm

trying to bring out the person you knew I could be.

                                      Forever With Love From Your Friend,

                                       Tommy AKA MEM

"Did you hear about the rose that grew

from a crack in the concrete?

Proving nature's law is wrong it

learned to walk with out having feet.

Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams,

it learned to breathe fresh air.

Long live the rose that grew from concrete

when no one else ever cared."

I look into the mirror to look into my own eyes to try and see what others do. Why am I pained when others say I'm great. It's confusing to me you see. They say mirrors never lie that their reflection is your true self. Everytime I find something that is great something that seems better shows up but in the end it isn't. I don't know why but Life has it's curveballs. Why does life have to be so hard. Why do I feel happy one minute and the next I feel like I am at the bottom of the rock pile. So what if I am sad and crying sometimes. No where in any book does it say that a man can't. It's ppl's presumtion that a man shouldn't cry because they are suppose to be strong well I say that is B.S. If someone wants to cry don't judge them be a friend and tell them it's ok. I'm tired of going on sometimes if you must know. I am manic depressant. It is a diease. I don't say it like most ppl just so they will feel sorry for me. I really am and I get depressed easy. The hardest thing to do is to live.Giving up is easy so get your facts straight. I am strong because all I am going through right now and I am still alive while all these celebs and teens go and kill themselves. I don't want respect. I just want to be understood you feel me? Just because I'm nice to someone doesn't make me one way or the other. I'm nice to everyone until your not nice to me. Mem is just a mask I wear. Tommy Hendrix is the man and he is a fighter. My ancestors were fighters from Michael & Thomas Collins(Irish Republican Army founders) to Bonnie Parker(Bonnie and Clyde) so what makes you think I am not. They died for their ways and their beliefs. What makes you think I am afraid of you? You bleed just like me. I will never fear you. You throw your judgements in my face and I laugh because they are petty and pathatic. I am the name of the game in my life. Now you should learn to deal with it. I make the rules and the rule change alot. I have that right. It's my life. I may not have a damn thing to show but those things are material anyway. When I am dead and gone. Those things will remain here. My mind is my fortune and if you can take the time to read some of the things I post. You might learn that I am actually rich because I don't let it go to waste. I use it to better myself and those that read my words. I do this for free and because I want to. Not because I have to. I choose to because I'm tired of this ugly world. I want something better. I want to live till I'm old and grey. I want a world that my children's children will respect and be happy to live in. This is why I write. Don't consider this just a blog. Consider this a lesson in life and quite possibly a wake up call because I only want better. Why shouldn't you? I am not here to point fingers: the human race as a WHOLE needs to change not just one race. I don't care if your Black, Brown, White, Yellow, nor if your Muslim, Athist, Wiccian, Buddist, Christian, Jewish, or your own made up religion. I am not saying that one person is right and one is wrong. Because WE ALL ARE WRONG. That's right I said it.  I am talking to everyone that has a pulse. Everyone that breathes this air everyday. Open you DAMN eyes and step up and do something about everything that is going on in our world. Don't be afraid it only takes one voice to make change. I'm not afraid to be a martyr to make change. Why should you? I can be a leader. I just want ppl to follow. Why should I stand alone when you know I am right. I can do it there is just no reason too. You catch my drift. I am not looking for awards or gain in money. I just want to live in a world where we don't struggle everyday for food. That is B.S. No one should have to do that. It's like Barack Obama said "It's Time For Change". Well guess what in that sense he was right but it's not in the power of our governments to make change. They are powerless because they are greedy. They tax and tax when there is nothing to tax. We are the voice for change if they would pull their head out of their asses and just listen. Don't be afraid stand up and demand change. We can do it if we stand together. Trust Me. This Concludes another MEM life lesson. Thank you from the bottom of my heart if you take the time to read this.

Dear You Know Who You Are,

Goodbye to the end of a era, Hello to the start of new beginnings . I lost a few friends but what else is new. Ask Me if I'm hurt and I'll tell you no. Ask me if it will ever be the same most likely it won't. Yes I have changed so what you wanted me to. It's not my fault it blew up in your face. I'm not to blame because you got what you wanted. Call Me names, spit on me do what you want I no longer have you around so why should I give a damn. I'm better off anyway. You say I was a friend, you say I was fam, but I was nothing but a invisible ghost you never really cared. I wasted many a night trying to make you smile. Good Luck without me on that now. Your drama with a capital D and I get plently of that without your help so here is to your new life without me. Here is one last toast I hope it will be as you planned because this will be the last time you ever see me. Remember the laughs, remember the hugs, because never again will that happen. I can stand alone. I was rasied to survive. I will fight to do it you can't make me change that. I can stand solo, I don't need a band. Let's see who will really care after you lost me. I was a puppet being controlled To bad now I cut the strings. I got tired of wearing a mask. I got tired of being sad so I made a change. Should I feel sorry? Maybe in a different place and time but this is a new me. Love Me or hate me I will always be on top. I will retire champion. You don't have what it takes to conquor me. I told you I will never taste defeat. That is not in my vocab. Look in the mirror and you will see who blew it. You never had a chance. No sudden death in my game. I make the rules and they will never be changed. MEM is the name of the game. The reason you can't win is because now it is a game of a few. No longer will you be around to try and make me feel guilt. I am dust in the wind consider me dead and gone. I am like our former friendship buried 6 feet under. Cry yourself a river but not for me. I can live by my choice, The question is can you? You tried to burn me not realizing I can't be burnt. I was rasied to be tough. You tricks aren't enough. Excuse while I smile because now I truely don't give a f*ck. I am laughing now while you wallow in self pity. You thought this would affect me and thought that I would crawl back. Well I am 26 yrs old, I quit crawling along time ago. So here is to the Midsummer Nights and The Midsummer Dreams. Here's To The Tears I won't cry and to the frowns I won't keep. I am truely happy now I am now at peace. Have a nice life with your new friends I hope they treat you well. I hope they enjoy the jail cell of life. I just so happened 2 escape and without a scratch too. I got away scott free. I left you all without a clue. You may think I have changed truth is it was you that did. I will always be the same. I am a deck of cards I am complete. The Path To Heaven sometimes leads through Hell and Hell I have escaped. I used to be scarred but now I am healed. I am the king of my own destiny you held me down to long. Time to take my place among royality. Your jealousy consumes me no more. I fell on my face to many times because of you now I can walk with my head held high. You tried to kick me when I was down. You brought me worthless drama when my real life situations were more important. How dare you do that I should do worse than these words i am typing you wouldn't read it anyway but it's here for my reminder. To never make that mistake again to call you fake ppl my friend. In fact I hope you do read this.  Then you will know how I now truely feel.  So again here is to the days all these nights. The days without me. The nights of sad dreams. When you do everyone like you did me,who will be there when you scream? I was for too long and look where it got me. It only dragged me down with you I almost drowned trying to save you. Well no longer will you have me to be your scrapegoat. Time to grow up and be responible for your own actions. I am not your parent nor your sitter. What I am doing is a prime example of Do Unto Others yeah you know the rest. You thought you was the best but in truth you were far from passing the test. You might sit and think one day I will be back and it will be alright but I am saying I won't as long as my heart beats in my chest. Take it for what it is worth In fact I don't care how you take it. This is where I turn and walk away. On a journey to bright and beautiful days. So I turn and walk away into the dark aybss. For I am the bright light I was always meant to be. Time For Me To recieve the rewards I reap. For no longer will I say hello This is indeed The Final Goodbye.

                                                     Sincerely Yours,

                                                    Your "FORMER FRIEND" MEM

What hurts the most is the fact I still breathe. I hate everything about me. I am a wound that forever bleeds. I am forever broken. Never 2 be free. Someone take these chains that bound me and choke me. I hate to say it but I give up. I hate the image I see in the mirror. Forget about me smiling because me being happy is a myth. I will never be that no matter how much you care. This pain I have is too much to bear. I am so lost I can't even shed a tear. If you have a brain you would just give up on me and let me wallow in my self pity and leave me be. For no matter how hard you try to save me there is no chance in hell. I am far beyond help. I'm a waste of time. A hopeless case. I am a black hole nothing is safe around me. Because every time I find happiness it is sucked from me. 26 years of living it is such a waste. I can't even bear to look at myself I am a disgrace. I failed my friends horribly. I know I did. You may think different say what you want. That is why it's a opinion. It never really mattered. You can say I will be ok but I know I am shattered. The pieces are all scattered never to be found again. I will never be complete. For I am a man that is tattered.   

I'm back to being old myself again. I hate what I see. When I look in a mirror I want to shatter it with my hand to see if I still bleed. I'm back to not sleeping. All I do is think. The thoughts are not what scares me. It's the fact I'm not afraid to act them out. I don't care if anyone cares. I just feel alone. I'm such a great person. What the hell is wrong? All I see is I love this I love that. Well in my case f*ck love....I'll never have a chance at that. You can say I'm wrong and that I shouldn't give up. I'm going to look you in the eyes and tell you....Yes I should. It's like when someone who is dying and going through pain just says pull the plug. I'm ready to go but in my sense I'm not dying all together just emotionally. Call me what you want. As I said I don't care. I've been alone all 26 yrs of my life might as well make it forever. Life is just pain never any good. How can bad people be happy why someone good is not. Maybe I should change for the worse then I'll get what I want. Maybe I'm just so confused that these words I am typing are nothing but a figment of my imagination. Maybe I am actually asleep now and dreaming all this up. Hell I don't know what I am anymore. I'm a shell of what I could be. I thought some of these blogs I wrote would do some good but they are hardly ever read. So many ppl said they would but they lied just the same. That shows me what they think about me for real. Those that I asked to please read. They never really cared. Maybe they only wanted me around because I guess I make them look good or something. Funny how some never talk to me until I say I'm going to delete. Then they say oh no you won't we want you to stay. All In All I am a shadow to remain invisible. Never to be held probably never again to speak. As It Is Written As So It Shall Come To Pass Quote The MEMesis NEVERMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time Changes And Wounds Heal. But Friends Like Mine can't be beat. They never judge me for the bad only for the good. They support me in anything I do and for that I can always be strong. When I try to give up they walk beside me and tell me that I can't give up that I have to be strong. They help me follow the right path and tell me when I go the wrong direction. They are my compass. my support,  and always caring about my well being. So To My Friends where ever you are at in world I Loves you all with all my being and thank you again for be what you are My Friend ;) and you will always have a friend in me.

To all my friends,

 I feel like I need to explain why I haven't been talking or haven't been around much lately. It's just real life is crazy right now and I need some time away. It's not that my friends are not wanted anymore. It's just I am confused. It seems like everytime I gain happiness more sadness or anger tries to come through. But fear not my friends I will be ok. I will never leave you. Just give me time for this to go away. I know support is always good but this is something I have to deal with alone. Please don't think I am leaving you behind because that I never won't. I love you(No Homo) all and you know that. If you don't read these words now. I can never forget you all and in no way am I leaving FUBAR. I have met awesome ppl here and I will continue to meet more. It has nothing to do with this site on why I have been away. I really can't talk about it now but maybe one day that can change. Just know that I will be back and everything will be the same...I hope. Don't forget me please because I would never forget you if this was you writing this just keep me in your thoughts and I will pull through if you have my YIM or my MSN I will be there more if not SB me and I will get it to you. I will be on off and on to check my messages on here and to return love so just be sure to leave me some and hit my SB to let me know you did just in case my Bar Tab gets reset. Good Jouney for now because this is not goodbye. I just need time to think but I will always love life.

                                                    Sincerely Yours,

                                                    Tommy Hendrix AKA MEMesis

Sitting here watching the clock strike the hours. 12 to 1, 1 to 2, so on and so forth. Watching because I am bored with everything. Tick Tock Tick Tock Time slowly fades away. Now I am young. One day I will be old but the lessons I learn will always be with me. No matter how the world changes one thing will remain the same: The Love for my real Friends. That can't be changed no matter how much ppl would like to believe. I choose my friends no one does it for me. If your my friend it's for a good reason not because I just want to say that. It's because you truely are and it's because I need you as much as you need me. I will always be there in life or whatever it brings all you have to do is ask. I'm not afraid to help I just need to know how. Anything you need a hug, a kind word, or just someone there to listen just ask. Everything is in my power and I am never busy for the ones that care. So in closing to my friends that still want to be my friend 100% I love you all and thanks for having my back. Just because I pushed some ppl out doesn't mean I am pushing everyone out. You can choose to be friends with those ppl I didn't want to be friends with doesn't mean you will follow them out the door. I can't tell you to be friends with nor would I ever because I am a true person and anyone who tells you not to be friends with me is not a true friend. So again if you want to be friends with me please do. Don't judge me on the words of someone because some ppl are shady and they will do or say anything to make someone's life misreable and that I will not do. I promise. So again one more time to my real friends: I Love You all and   thank you for being just that: A Friend

It has comes to my attention that now days most people that go to college love to use their fancy degrees to make themselves out to be better than someone who hasn't. I am not saying all of you do but for those that do this piece is for you . So Shut up listen and be prepared for the lesson of your life. Fist thing what exactly is a PHD. It is a piece of paper that tells you that you are smart when in truth who needs it. I never went to college and I had teachers my freshman yr in high school telling me I wrote better than most 5th yr college students. So you know what that means that means that as a 9th grader I was writing better than most people that already had one or two degrees. If I was that good you are probably asking yourself well if your that good why are you not in college then. Well I will tell you now because I have real knowledge. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I am smart I know I am. Why spend all that money on a piece of paper think of the material that a PHD is printed on. Paper the same thing that toilet paper is made out of so in fairness how can you be proud of a PHD sure you wasted money on it but to me money isn't everything. So why do you need a piece of paper to say your smart? God didn't have a PHD and he is all knowing are you trying to say your better than God well news flash buster your not. He made creation without a PHD. He made your brains not the University of Whatever or where ever you went. I can say I have real knowledge because I am one of God's Creations as are you. So how can you say your better than someone else when it says it in the most important text book of all THE B.I.B.L.E(Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.) (Bet you all your real money you didn't know that is what BIBLE meant huh and that came from someone who never went to college.) that "ALL MEN are created equal". Now in all fairness I didn't mean it like man and woman but Man as a whole like the whole human race. So before you downgrade someone take a look in the mirror because even though you have a PHD there is someone out there who doesn't that is just as smart as you. I mean look at Albert Einstein super genius when in fact he couldn't tie shoelaces. So why tell someone who doesn't have a PHD that they don't amount to nothing when the single person we consider one of the smartest person ever could do something as easy as tie shoes. So before you assume you are smarter than some think before you act because what happens when you assume: you make a ASS out of U and ME. Thank you and have a nice day and I hope this educated you at least in some sense. This Concludes today's lesson.