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Deliciously Divine's blog: "Thoughts!"

created on 04/04/2008  |  http://fubar.com/thoughts/b204287
What is love? What is lust? What is in love? What is the difference? We're all pretty certain we know the answers to this, but do we really? At all times and in every circumstance of our lives? We feel that chemistry, that rush, is it the stirrings of love? Do we wait till we know the certainty of a particular relationship before we can truly define it? Why do some things and some people capture our attention and our hearts while others do not? Is it brought on by a sense of safety or a sense of danger? Is it the same for all people? This I am fairly certain, it is not. We can look at some people and see the obvious attraction and yet they may or may not captivate us. Celebraties are the best examples of this. Some, no matter the physical beauty, bore us, while others feel compelled to that. Others charm us and we are drawn to their personality or spirit. Sometimes if we can somehow see ourselves in them we are drawn to that. It can be that it's something we have in common, something we wish we could be, or the thought that they somehow make us feel better about ourselves and our own circumstances. But on a personal level in our own individual lives what is this thing we call love? We know it when we feel it, ...or do we? If we are at a good place in our lives emotionally, and not looking for it, we are probably in the best position to be open to this. But unfortunetly, love has a timing all of its own. It comes with its own needs, and its own demands and few of us are capable of remaining clear minded when it hits. Be it our own egos or lack of, we all make our share of mistakes. We build ourselves up when we shouldn't and beat ourselves up when we shouldn't as well. We believe some things too easily and doubt things we shouldn't. None of us can ever be dispassionate when it comes to passion. We are all very good at discerning these things in other people's lives, but yet when it comes to our own, well....not so much. We certainly believe we are though and that's the problem.
It is amazing what life's journey brings across our path's. To live is to love and to love is to live. Yet again, to live is to die and to die is to have loved. Once in a while our love dies for one another and as profound as that may be it will happen again and again. Until, one day you look instead of reaching and there she will be reaching for you with all of her heart; rest assured she has not only reached for you but she held you up all the while!
I have wished for many things in my life and these are just a few... I wish for: The terminal to be healed. All of my kisses to be sealed. One man to be true. That man to be; you! Happiness in my life The absence of strife. Peace among us. Not only love but lust. I wish upon the stars. Lovemaking under the moon; yea, yea, I do! Most of all I wish for you. All of our dreams to come true. I wish that you were here by my side. All to experience the act of humanity not hostility. Promises not to be broken. Friends that are true, not just to me but to you! My most wished wish is simply this "I wish for HOPE in all of the above!" Take care ya'll xoxo
Why is it I cannot express my feelings for the day? Why is it that automatically you say, how about my day? When I am through, I'll be happy to listen Yet, I am not allowed to finish. Every time I mention something to you, it's always, "Well if you …." I always supported and listened to you. Why is it so difficult for you to do the same, rather than play this game? I don't understand am I missing something? All I have done was try to love you Yet, when I am looking for a loving ear, you seem to not want to hear. Is it that you think you contribute too much? Is that I ask too much? Is that I complain too much? Or just simply that you don't want to hear it. Whenever I mention my day – it's always your day. When I can I just have an ear rather than hear complaint vs. complaint? Why can't you just support me rather than fight me? I don't understand, I don't understand. I need to you to hear me; I need you to listen – Just as I do for you. It is not that hard and if it is, then I will just not ask anymore. You won't hear complaint number one, two, three, or four I'll continue to sit behind this closed door.
Shadows On The Wall In the midst of darkness as it falls I wonder, what are these shadows on the wall? There I view them unalone I call out my name and realize these shadows are one in the same; Why are these images here Is it something I fear? What are these Shadows On The Wall? They're me through various times of the day; When I wake I stand tall When I relax I seem to fall When I am in thought I stand afar Far away from the others I viewed that same day. Why do I have these shadows on the wall? To remind me of who I am most of all... Me! I enjoy these shadows on the wall; For they tell me I am strong and without fear No matter how near or far. Often I may seem distant but really; I am closer than you might realize. For look through your own eyes You to will see these Shadows on The Wall. Imagine these shadows on the wall they depict who we are. Enjoy these shadows on the wall they represent strength, courage, faith, friend, belief, dreams, and a continuity of hope. Please do not chase these shadows on the wall, for all of this will wear off. Leave their shadows and follow them along. Opportunities lie where we exist. Enjoy these shadows on the wall they are the expressions we can not voice, they are the feelings we hide, they are who we are.
Through The Eyes of a Three Year Old There we sat underneath a tree, Mommy, my brother's friend Fred, and me at Chestnut Park. Dad showed up and screamed and dragged mom to the truck by her hair, and told me to get in and just sit there. There she stood with saddened big blue eyes streaks of red through her strawberry blonde hair. Tears streaming as she hears her Mom screaming. Through the eyes of a three year old. There she laid underneath her mothers bed Wild thoughts run through her head- These brutal rages with blood curdling and wrenching screams occurring from down the hall. In a big white house these eyes of a three year old hears it all. In a home where a child is supposed to be safe and secure - There she laid so unsecure and all alone. Tears so big welled up in those three year old eyes - She could not cry allowed - she couldn't be heard - these three year olds eyes and tears could shed no more in this home; a home where a child was supposed to be safe and secure - through the eyes of a three year old what a life to endure. Through the eyes of a three year old; so scared so alone there she saw the tanish brown phone. She made a call by dialing zero; something she saw on Hawaii-Five O - The lady answered with, "May I help you?" The three year old said, "Gimme the police send them to 15 Grove Street, my daddy is beating up my mommy I seen her she screaming and bleeding." Just then Daddy picked up the phone and said, "Sussanne hang up that phone" He was asked by that lady on the phone is everything ok? He said, "Yes, my daughter is playing with the phone." Through the eyes of a three year old. There she stayed under the bed and screamed with a loud shreeking "NO" everytime Daddy said to come out. Those big blue eyes stopped crying yet filled with fear because she knew her Daddy was lying. All she could do was now only pout, crying and calling for help got her caught now it was going to be her turn to feel the wrath of Daddy's clout. Mommy and that three year old girl soon got away The next thing she heard was Mommy say, "If you come any fucking closer I'll jump and take her with me." In the meanwhile, walking closer to the edge of the bridge. Through the eye's of a three year old - her life suddenly became so cold. The police came and took my Mommy away and there stood "Through the eyes of a three year old!"
~ My Dear Sister ~ Though we are apart through distance I feel your presence deep within my heart and soul. May our relationship grow through faith and peace until we get old. Distance is measured in miles: But our hearts are fulfilled by our smiles. You'll never know what you mean to me; I hope someday you'll learn what it is to see; The true beauty of sisterly love I am there for you through the whispers of a dove. So when in doubt just whisper above - I'll hear you and I'll be there. I may not always have an answer But that my dear sister is sisterly love. When your tears fall from your eyes and off your cheek; It is like I walk in the shadows of your tear filled creek. Don't be afraid, and never fear - fear For you my dear sister I'll always be near. Our hearts and blood have been blessed to have each other Though Dad may be gone - he left us with each other. Not only our sisters but our brothers. For we all are living our lives in our own special ways - Some full of long weary days. Never get tired - stand and fight For I will never let you be afraid of your own fright. It is my duty and obligation to lead you to the light. Take my hand and walk with me - For there is a land full of beauty awaiting to be seen. What is waiting is waiting for you and me. "You are a blessing from God to Dad; but you are a blessing to me from Dad. I love you!" †
Here she sits all alone in her room Wondering will she see a full moon Shining down from the skies Glistening arcs of light in her blue eyes She wonders why there are only thoughts of you on her mind What it is - truly I must find Is it you or is it me she asks Sooner or later you both shall see. Here she sits all alone in her room Looking up at dark skies of gloom Hoping to see a shooting star So that she may make a wish from afar Distantly she watches in the midnight sky Asking herself must I wonder why? She replies in answer, yes you should He is there for you and life is good Why oh why must she wait so long A desire to know, a desire to dream along Not of herself but solely of you There isn't anything she hasn't said that isn't true. She wonders if all you have shared could be possibly be Wait a minute and you both shall see. She say's, "I know your nervous and so am I But if I don't keep you I'm going to cry. Cry a river of tears full of pain Feeling like she had nothing to gain Feelings like this help her refrain Refrain from falling so deeply into these pains Longing for you as you know Wondering how much more she has to show To prove her thoughts of you They exist and they are true Heaven is bound to see you both first But like rain to grass You quench her thirst She must say she is thirsty for you darling While all others watching are staring and snarling Snarling that she there to see you Forever there in your Dress Blues Or better yet in your BDU's Dress up dress down Always a smile and never a frown. Here she sits all alone in her room Chasing thoughts of you that seemingly bloom Random as they might be She'll wait to see who you are and who you are meant to be Follow her, into the depths of her soul Share this lustful soup right from her bowl. She watches you from a distance and notices your smile With each day passing she starts breathing heavily all the while. She knows you notice her smiles too It's sad no one else has a definite clue Of this guy and this girl named who Wait a minute there are a few - but only you and her know what is true. Let them believe what they want to About this guy and girl named who Here she sits all alone in her room So full of random thoughts solely of you. Awakened by her dreams in the middle of night A heart beat away and a world full of light If only given a chance you'll see these moments so full of emotion, so strong, and so bright Please do not blow out this candle as it is lit for you tonight With prayers around for her and for you God she is so happy this seems to be true. She questions is it real Or is it fate? She questions it all as she is desperate to know She doesn't hold the answers; She is hoping you'll show Show her whats so fabulous about light Lead her through life without a fight It's a challenge she aims to win She won't give up easily she hardly ever loses What's new with that - a challenge it is Is he yours or is he hers? Here she sits all alone in her room Holding close to her heart random thoughts of you She looks over and the bed is cold While she sits all alone in her room.
Is it possible to think you know someone only to discover a white lie about them? They had a chance to redeem themselves and they failed to? Why is it we have feelings that often are overlooked, forgotten, toyed with, and ultimately leave us asking, "Why do I hurt?" I am not the one who portrays being someone I am not. I don't lie, I won't tolerate being lied to even if it costs a friendship no matter how valuable that friendship may seem. While I know these are my true feelings I am still asking myself, "Why do I hurt?" Maybe there is just some underlying look or vibe that people receive from me that they just automatically think I am stupid? I don't get it - because it is they who are stupid to think that I am unintelligent. Apparently, they have forgotten all of the things I have told them to be truth, fact, feeling, and any other thing you want to throw in there. I am sitting here at 5:32 am left pondering the mere thought, "Why do I hurt?" Don't thank me for being a friend when you can't be one back. Don't think you are being a friend when you lie to me even when I ask a direct question and you tell me no. When you lie to your friends or so called friends it is you who lack the friendship, the promise of being my friend, and the reward to maintain that friendship either way. Yet I still ask, "Why do I hurt?" I just don't get it - why do people lie about such hideous and small things? Only to find that the lie is going to hurt someone in then end, if not one person, than maybe both, hell even more for all I know. I just want to know - "Why do I hurt?" I just ask those who think they are being my friend or want me to be their friend, "DON'T LIE TO ME" don't ever lie - its impossible to restore the friendship and respect once given to you once you lose it. Thanks but no thanks - for now I guess I will just continue to ask myself, "Why do I hurt?" Someday I'll get my answer, and then again, maybe I will never know. So, when I don't answer my phone for you, or your emails, or your texts - and I have stopped being your friend, just know someday it will be you who asks, "Why do I hurt?"
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