IHORxxDemonFuel KGBxxIHOR's blog: "thoughts that escaped"

i am naked here.

open for all the world to see.

freak to most.

friend to some.

i stand alone here

surrounded by friends.

their loyalty keeps my nakedness cloaked.

i lose myself among them

just when you think you're on the right track, someone throws the lever and flips the track and directs you down the dangerous gully, where the bridge is out at the other end. and all you know is that somehow you need to survive this obstacle too... the question is how do you jump off of a careening train and not injure yourself or those around you? i mean at some point you will have to pick yourself up and hike your happy ass outta the damned gully right? but then that poses all sorts of new challenges right? how far along the tracks were you when you got derailed? how far out do you have to climb, did you land in a pile of leaves and moss did it break your fall, or did you break something along the way? will whatever is broken heal? how lost will you be? can you make it back the tracks and follow them back far enough to get back on track? are you irretrievably lost? is there anyone who jumped the train with you? are you alone, or do you have someone to lean on? where will you go when you get back to the main line? will you continue down the same track or try a different line? wtf am i doing here... how did i get derailed???

your duplicity will be your undoing poison kisses have rendered you stupid chase your uncaring dream. but know that you can NEVER come back from that. we will have moved on without you. your lies unraveled before innocent eyes.

silence surrounds me all chaos pushed outside your strength pours in, sustains me, inspires me to push through the webs that ensnare me. i open my soul to you, trust that you will not abuse it, or hinder its growth. the silence is shattered now as reality sinks in... it was all just a dream... a dream that cannot be fulfilled. it is not your strength that pushes me forward it is my own, not you that inspires me, but the amazement at my own strength. and the soul entrusted to your care has gone into retreat, because you did abuse it, you did hinder it, you hurt me! i will bleed from this for a long long while...

it matters not what i say anymore... it never sinks through the layer of arrogance that shrouds you... how many times i have tried to reach out and communicate my needs i do not know... i have ceased to count. the world does not revolve around you, it never has, and i'm pretty damned sure it never will. you want me to trust in you, give me a fukin reason to... cuz as of right now that particular side of me has been rendered useles...

love kills when corruption sets in... your lies poison the very thing that binds. breaking it down to nothing more than a thinly laid veil of illusion. i question if love was ever truly there. what was the purpose of making a vow if only to watch you unravel every strand of it? i don't understand why you make this so damned complicated.

poison drips from lying lips those things so sweet to kiss sucking the poison deep into our souls, to corrupt all that is pure within we drink deep of that poison well to hear what we want to hear burying reason and logic deep within because the venom tastes so sweet there is no antidote, no cure we are never whole again damage done never to be undone hearts blackened with the evil that others speak

i have nothing more to give you. i cannot catch you anymore. you are supposed to be an adult, but your kids have more sense. most people walk away from the things that hurt them not continuously run towards them. but you still want to have your cake and to eat it too... it does not work that way i assure you. i will waste no more energy on you... this whole thing is exhausting...