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Ever been hurt so bad that your so numb you can’t function or even think straight. Your cruising along in a relationship and it’s great, everything is more perfect than you could have ever imagined. You get closer and closer, confessing feelings for each other. Finally, after all that searching your happy and content. Your basking in the sunlight and even rainy days seem somehow wonderful. You start to make long term plans with that special person, you share inside jokes together, you keep bonding closer and closer. You have finally found someone who totally gets you and you have a connection you have never felt before ever. And then one day that special person decides it’s just not right and they want out. You hit a brick wall full force and think to yourself that any kind of physical pain would be better than that feeling at that single moment. Been there? We all have. You sit there in utter disbelief and confusion. You just can’t figure out where or what went wrong. You seek answers but there aren’t any because the person you thought was that special person also has a mind of their own and can do whatever they choose. You can’t change their mind, or make them see the logic from your perspective. You go over and over it in your head to try to figure out what you might have done. And the worst part is that you love them so much you can’t even get angry at them. Anger is so much easier than a broken heart. You wonder why you can’t get angry, this person has taken your trust, your love, your very soul and tossed it aside and yet you just can’t get angry. All you want to do is break through and hold them. Tell them that your sorry for whatever it was that you did so bad to make them walk away. You desperately want yesterday back, but you can never go back. But they won’t even talk to you, making your feel even worse. All the broken promises, all the hopes and dreams ruined in just one moment. Then you wonder if it was all lies on their part. Did they really love you, did they just say what they said to get what they wanted. You know deep down that can’t be true, at least you hope it’s not. Could you have been that naïve and stupid? But, there just aren’t any answers, and probably won’t ever be any answers. How do you go forward, how to do you survive and better yet, how in the world do you possibly EVER trust anyone else in a relationship? People start giving you all sorts of advice…wait a little, maybe they’ll come back…give yourself some time before dating again…date right away, it’ll help you heal faster. What to do? You feel so numb to everything that caring for someone else seems almost impossible. You know you need to try to connect with the outside world because sitting around alone isn’t a good thing. But, you guard your heart very closely the next time around. I often wonder if people get to the point where they just can’t ever trust anymore or go forward. I’m not there yet, but each time heartache comes I feel as though I’m getting closer and closer to not being able to feel anything ever again. That scares me. Have you been there? Do you have theses thoughts? Pretty scary, aren’t they? What if I can’t ever feel again, and spend the rest of my life alone? Breakups are perhaps the hardest things we have to deal with except for death, but we need to stand strong, and hold onto our dreams in the face of emotional devastation. Always remembering that we find our strength from inside ourselves and not from other people. Other people will always let you down and the only one you can really count on is yourself. So, you walk away, not having any answers but still able to have peace of mind because you know there is always tomorrow and the options are unlimited.
