MisterMister's blog: "Mister Mister's Thoughts"

Journal Entry·an hour ago

TELLTALE "RELATIONSHIP" CLUES THAT YOU ARE NOT HIS PRIORITY

So I have come across more than my fair share of submissive newbies in my time. And a lot of 'lifers'. And as I've picked my subs over the years, a pattern became clear. Newbies were more receptive to nurturing than lifers. But a more insightful conclusion to a bigger problem came to me. One single bad "top/master/dom" (intentional lowercase "i") can damage a LOT of potentially good bottoms in very short time and concurrently. Ruining lives and the reputation of the lifestyle as a whole.

When I first started on this journey it perplexed the SHIT out of me why women would find themselves A) with emotionally/psychologically abusive men B) bestow the title of Dom/Master upon same men and C) stay with him or leave him for the same or worse.

After I determined that it was all due to the age old issues (daddy issues, low self esteem, loneliness, vulnerability, habit, conditioning, delusion, etc.), I made a greater discovery. These women were damaged goods, proud of it, and using their past as a crutch to not invest in their own progress and success but rather to be use their 'broken' status as lure and bait to find another sucker. No sir, it wasn't worth anymore of my time/effort/resources to be Chief Savahoe. I was retiring that role and focusing on getting the newbies on the right path.

And so I would like to present a few eye opening (obvious to those outside the relationship) clues that you, as a self proclaimed submissive, are being used by a self-proclaimed top/master/dom.

Your accomplishments in the real world/vanilla life are more than his. I'm not talking college degrees and job titles. I'm talking real world shit. The act of BEING responsible and BEING present in the struggles of life, not escaping and avoiding them. This means you have demonstrated that you know how to be responsible, disciplined and balance the twists/turns that life throws at you. Meanwhile he has only stories of his past or hypothetical future accomplishments. If you are raising your kids under your roof full time and he has several he barely visits at their mom's, you need to be rethinking what you are getting yourself into. If he has roommates, only a part time job, blows through a lot of weed, and always seems to be falling behind on bills and none of that applies to your life? Yeahhh

He is eager to put D/s titles on you and your relationship Just because you consider yourself a submissive and he considers himself a Dom does NOT mean he is YOUR Dom and you are HIS submissive from an initial interaction and greeting. Submission AND Dominance are earned. And they are not necessarily earned at the same pace or with the same expectations of either party. Set, state, and advocate for your expectations and do not tolerate for even one conversation a man who thrusts his title and ownership on you. I can assure you that while you think it's 'hot' and 'dominant' of him to do so because you want the attention, when he thrusts the other things that you do NOT want, you will be powerless and inexperienced in how to reject those.

Mystery profiles So let me get this straight. On your profile, you have your REAL location, real face, real full body pics, honest and deep journal entries/profile, friends and followers. By contrast HE has invested his time on FL making a groups and kinks list so long that every letter of the alphabet is covered, liking EVERY nude/sex photo in every woman's album, and making sure that you know he is a DOM and wants to do all manner of things sexual to you and your body. Hell even your bi friend if she's down. Meanwhile, his ABOUT me is bare or non-existent, has 0-5 pics (none showing his face and in some cases not showing his full body), lives in Antarctica (or conveniently the most populous generic metro area) and apparently has NO vanilla interests. And you think this man has what it takes to equal your worth AND be above you as you top/dom/master? [Well the good news is he does have the ability to be above you and teach you new things. The bad news is that it means you have to degrade yourself because it will cost you your dignity, sanity, and the lessons taught will be even more expensive than you think in order to get UNDER him.]

Unequal profile linking For better or for worse, social media profile status have a significant impact and weighting on how we 'value' our relationship with those whom we hold in high regard. So, why then do you proudly and eagerly link YOUR profile to his but he always has a million and one excuses for why he won't link his to yours? "It's not that important. I'm hardly online. I'm not ready. You're still being considered. I had a bad experience in the past. Etc" The real unspoken universal answers? "You aren't my special one." And in the poly life, you didn't even make the cut to be ONE of his special ones. DAMN.

Sharing is caring Does he love other women's stuff more than he loves your stuff, but starts to have issue when you like a couple of men's profile stuff a bit too much? Or maybe he loves other women showing off their goods, but isn't feeling it when you show off your goods to adoring fans. Is he down with a poly relationship, so long as he is the only one who is poly, well besides you of course getting down with another women that he gets to have too? Does he encourage you to help him get more women, but won't express the slightest interest in the thought of you being with another guy? Is he making FL friends left and right all with females. Is he hyper defensive towards gay/bi/cd/tv men but TOTALLY obsessive into woman on woman? All of these are NOT signs caring or sharing any interests WITH you. They are signs of sharing only an interest in what YOU have to give him.

Good luck in your journey, newbie sub. And btw, I'd exercise a bit of restraint in eagerly sharing that you are submissive until you clearly define your submission AND what you are looking for in your Top.