HIM WHOREBleed Well's blog: "Stuff..........."

Ok so I was listening to Euro Rock Radio cuz it's HIM night for 3 hours and I answered a trivia question and won a HIM No Sleep Till Halloween Poster from the No Sleep Till Halloween Tour that they cancelled. I actually had tickets to go see them for that tour and would of been my first time ever seeing them and I was so upset that they cancelled. So winning this poster is just AWESOME!!! I'm getting this bitch framed and NO ONE will be allowed to touch it. I never win anything and to win something from HIM is the best!!! This so made my day. I can't even express how good I feel about this. If someone had a video camera when I heard my name I'm sure they would of won some money off America's Funniest Videos. I almost peed myself. I'm surprised Trenton did wake up with all the jumping around and screaming I was doing. Well I guess my luck is starting to turn around for me. Anway here's a pic of it and I LOVE IT!!! BE JEALOUS OF IT PLEASE. LOL ROCK ON BITCHES!!! Jax

CHECK IT OUT!!! Trenton Walking!!!

So here ya go....I really need to just get some shit off my chest right now and I don't want to burden or annoy anyone with it on the phone or on here or in person so that's why I got my blog...... I'm still here and alive. I'm doing OK, probably better then I should be but I'm still alive. The kids are doing good. It's only been a week and a couple of days but apparently he doesn't want to talk to me about anything. I just can't see anyone throwing 2 years down the drain with a kid in the mix, but if that's what's gotta be then it has to. It's not gonna stop me one bit. I got a job and a place lined up for me and the kids to live at so I'm not doing too bad so far. I want this to be civilized but how can it be when we don't work together. It seems like I've been left to die on the ground. I'm not getting the feedback that I would like to because I'm not getting any at all. I'd at least like something. Whether it be good or BAD! It's better then nothing. I'd rather have Bad then nothing. At least I can have some kind of closure. It's killing me sitting here with nothing. I can at least move on a little more with something. Just say goodbye if that's what you want. The worst part about it is my friends try to help and give me the same advise I gave them and even I can't follow it. So what good was that advise? *Just hear me out. If it's not perfect then I'll perfect it till my heart explodes!* *I tear my heart open, just to fail* I can't even get my mind off anything being at my moms with nothing to do except be on the computer. Well that's all for now folks! ROCK ON BITCHES!! Jax

Well I left Josh. Shit went down and that's about all i'm gonna say. I'm slowly breaking down. I don't know why and how he can do this to the kids. Why he would just want to throw 2 years down the drain. I'm personally sick of the verbal abuse. I'm useless and a freeloader to him. So I'm moving on and gonna show him I don't need him like he thinks I do. I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for the kids and myself. Things are so great when we aren't fighting but as soon as an argument starts then it's down to name calling and petty shit that I don't need. I really need my friends to stick by me and give me all the support they can. This is so hard right now. The kids don't even know what's going on. Bridget's smart enough to know but she doesnt. She keeps complaining that she wants to go home to her room and her toys and stuff and I just hate to tell her that she can't. It breaks my heart knowing these kids are now without a dad. Especially bridget. As you sould know Bridget is from a previous realtionship and is not josh's daughter. She's been moved around since she was born and never had a stable home and now it's back to moving her around again. I'm sick of it. How could he do this. Sorry for the randomness. If you need more detail feel free to ask. I'm open to anything. Here's a video for you by a great artist called Duffy.

So It's been a week and a half since the Doctor checked me and said that I'm gonna be in labor in 24-48 hours. Here I am still waiting for the baby to come. I go back to the doctor Tuesday to get a non stress test done and who knows what else. I just hope that they can tell me something FOR SURE this time when he's coming or when they are gonna induce me. I'm really sick of being pregnant. I'm such an emotional wreck right now and wish he would come already. Any little thing I do I'll start crying. I just can't take anymore of this pregnancy. I just want my body back and the baby here so I can get on with life. I feel so tied down being pregnant. I'm sick of all the aches and pains, all the do's and don'ts. I'm sick of not being able to run around and play with Bridget or even pick her up. And those are just a few things. There are plenty more but I just don't feel like naming them all and I'm sure you don't feel like reading about all of them. Anyway just thought I'd let you know what's going on.