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Still Standing .

Well, if I miss sleep, I pay for it.  If I miss my seizure meds, I pay for it.  I'm beginning to think I would be in constant seizure if it were not for the meds.  I've got some problems communicating too.  My memory sucks.  Let's see...what's good?  Well I'm pretty happy actually.  I'm getting on with life and working a lot because I love to and not because I have to.  Those are good things.  I figured out how I hurt my shoulder and now it doesn't hurt anymore cause I quit doing it.  lol...I was pushing up on the stair rail going down the stairs and it hurt my shoulder.  Now that's much better.  I was beginning to think it was a fruit ninja injury.  

 

Hope you had a great Memorial Day Weekend and thank you to all of you who served.  

 

Al

Hey You

Hey you

Yeah you

With the ecig and the New York times, and the Fox News on your mind...

With the work out, and the clepp out

and the burned out

Everything

Hey you

You like Pink Floyd?  

Cause I do....

 

Hey you.

 

ally

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe_epilepsy

 

 

I'm back at the desktop again.  I won't be able to stay long.  Above is a link to what I have. My diagnosis.   But that is only one part.  I know that I have a lot to be grateful for.  I am grateful, even though I don't often act that way.  I don't know if prayer works, I've been terribly sporadic at the whole church thing, and my sister in law is an ordained minister in the curch of the flying spagetti monster.  (These things are true, trust me).   

type this:

 

~:>

 

Into your yahoo.  Then you will see my alter ego.  

 

ally

Now where was I?

I was right in the middle of a medication switcheroo.  Well, that actually went really well.  I went to Disney and that went well.  THEN I forgot my seizure meds and had a little one (not full on both sides of the brain, thankfully).  So that happened again then I went back to the neurologist.  He increased my Keppra.  Keppra makes me tired....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....but tired is better than spazzing and wetting your pants.  lol...sorry...

 

I don't really have any sinister intentions.  I just don't like really, really, paranoid, jaded folks who don't believe anything.  So, I try to drive them away...GIT....SHEW!!!!

 

The thing is, I don't care what someone I don't know thinks of me.  Hell, I barely care when I know folks.  I'm going to speak my mind.  Sometimes that gets a little prickly.  But don't worry, I won't start any bar fights.  lol...My ADD symptoms are better on the new meds but I'm falling asleep on the keppra.  I was doing the lumosity app (don't laugh, it's kinda cool and it seems to help) daily, but fell behind.  So, my working memory is weak.  

 

I'm working a lot.  I love what I do so much.  I'm really grateful.  Today I made necklaces out of clay and bracelets out of rubber bands, and a giant watch tower out of legos.  Yep.  They pay me for that.  :D

Yes.  Grateful.  Yes, me.  

 

;p

ally

Killer response

I would rather be eaten by a fish Then served in a five star dish Than take up a ladle with you And end up in some crazy stew. So I mean it as nice as I can Stop giving me hell please, dear man I would rather be beaten by elves Attacking from tops of the shelves Than sit back and taste the decay As you conjecture confections of hate Return neath the stone where you climbed And I won't assault thee with rhymes. Ally

Oh, stop it.

Set an eye and wait and see

How long before they’re mean to me

Then toss em out and cast again

And reel the real men, reel them in

Ask for friendship, nothing more

Watch the ones who hit the door

Consider it a welcome spin

This club is special n yer not in

Don’t matter if you’re black or white

If you’re too sick n tired to fight

Or handicapped, or quite insane

I’ll still be your friend, tell me

What’s your name?

Please don’t bring drama

I’ve had enough

Go tell your Mamma

Cause I’ll get rough

Don’t threaten suicide and then

Refuse to carry through, my friend!

Don’t tell me things about your penis

You’re from mars, dude, I’m from Venus

And don’t even get started

When you’re the one

Insisting sexy pics are fun

Yeah, don’t get started telling me

That’s I’m a sinner and la tee dee

Go stick yer head inside the bowl

Flush it good, you little troll

Unless you’re nice and merely find

You’ve stumbled across my frazzled mind

Well, oops,I’m sorry, carry on

But if you’re suicidal?

PALEESE be gone. 

I cannot work all day and night

That’s why I won’t put up that fight

And guilt trips make me pretty mad

Refuse the ticket

I’ve been had

So just don’t bother with the guilt

Foundation’s strong on which I’m built

And fake a profile, oh please do

Makes me smile cause I know it's yoooouuuu

And  set aside my silly rhymes

Remember?  You don’t have the time.

 

 

:)

Ally

 

Never Minds

Oops... almost forgot!

 

Never minds (especially don't mind the spelling)

Never mind the horses And never mind the mud
Never mind the courses 
Or your grades when they go thud. 

Never mind the water 
Don't mind if you can swim 
Never see the ocean There's a chance you will fall in /> 

Nevermind the deadlines 
And don't mind mom and dad 
Nevermind the headlines 
When the news is looking bad 

Nevermind the toxins 
Never mind that smell 
Your children if you drop them 
Don't you ever tell 

Never mind the articles 
Never mind the laughter 
Never mind the particles 
You have been chasing after 

Never mind the telephone 
Never mind that ring 
Never ever even once 
Mind a single thing 

Never mind the tangles 
Twisting up your hair
Never mind the angles 
Can you see my house from there? 

Nevermind the pickle 
You walked into over there
Never mind the water trickle 
Down the front hall stair 

Never mind the pain you'll bring Nevermind tomorrow 
Never mind the guilt that stings Nevermind the sorrow 

Never mind permission! 
Never mind the boss 
Never mind the score board If your team is facing loss 

Never mind the people
Never mind them when they stare 
Nevermind the steeple 
Or that church that's over there 

Nevermind the city When alarms are going off 
Never mind the pretty wall cloud Nevermind that cough 

Never mind your fever 
Never mind your woes 
Don't mind in the theater 
When everybody goes 

Never mind the answers 
Because there are not any 
Never mind the questions 
Of those there will be plenty. 

Never mind the wishes 
Never mind the hope 
Never mind the dishes 
Never mind the soap. 

Never mind your left shoe 
Never mind the right 
Don't mind what your parents do 
Each night when they fight 

Never mind the feelings 
Never mind that coffin 
Never mind, you're healing 
We think about you often 

Never mind forgiveness 
Never mind the flu 
Don't say, "I don't get this" If you don't or if you do 

Never mind the feelings 
You wish you didn't have 
Never mind the peelings 
When the orange has gone bad.

Don't mind God when he's frightening Nevermind his stare 
Never mind the lightening 
That is striking over there 

Never mind the time at all 
Never mind the water 
Never mind your mom, your dad, your brother, or your daughter 

Never mind the ringing 
Staying in your ears 
Never mind the singing 
Though the others cannot hear 

Nevermind the future 
Please forget the past 
Never mind the sutures 
Those are healing fast 

Never mind the compliments 
Never mind the fuss 
Steal the packs of condements 
Sneak onto the bus 

Never mind the hurdles 
Never mind where you are 
Don't go saving the turtles 
That cross before your car 

Never mind the puddles 
Never mind the dirt 
Never look buffuddled 
When your feelings have been hurt 

Nevermind the insults 
Toss out the invitations 
Never mind the grown ups 
In any situation 

Never mind the Bible 
No one understands it 
Never mind the guys with funny hair Who always hand it 

Never mind your secrets 
Never mind that fall 
Find a penny keep it 
But never wish at all 

Mess up all your taxes 
Do it line by line 
Never mind the fact is 
You mess up all the time 

And when they ask you questions
And you don't know what to say 
Talk about the weather "It's a very lovely day". 

Never mind your heart is breaking
Don't listen to that shatter 
Who cares how long it's taking
Say nothing is the matter. 

Lock up all the windows 
Bolt up every door 
And never mind it, any of it 
Ever any more. 

Never mind that depression 
Never mind that pill 
Don't do chest compressions 
If they're turning pale and ill 

And nevermind the heimlich 
If you think someone is choking Nevermind the time-- look 
He's probably just joking 

Push away the people, crime 
Push away the crowds 
Play the same song twenty times 
Really, really loud 

Can't get it open? Pry it 
Never mind the locks 
Never had it? Try it -
Ebola, chickenpox. 

Never mind this writing 
And nevermind this girl 
And nevermind your sighting something That could change the world. 

Nevermind this poem
Nor love because it burns 
Don't mind going home 
Or when your stomach turns 

Never mind you're overwhelmed 
Don't worry anymore 
Make sure no one's at the helm 
When the ship is run ashore. 

Never mind the banter 
Never mind the chatter 
But listen to rain and wind 
And tell them what's the matter 

Nevermind tomorrow
It's just another day 
Don't mind if you feel hollow 
Or any words you say

And nevermind the stories 
Don't mind the hidden clues 
And nevermind I'm sorry 
For all I've done to you. 

And please don't mind the meter 
And never tell the time 
And don't turn down the heater 
If you're boiling in the brine. 

Never mind I'm not sure what you mean Or if I'm trying 
Never stick your hands between the sheets When they are drying. 

But please do mind the flowers 
And listen to the wind 
And talk to me for hours. 
So the neverminds will end. 

Ally

 

Apparently on...

Well, the good news is I have been more outgoing the last few days.  Otherwise, I've been ok.  Just a bit stresed by work.  There has been a full moon.  Wow.  People go crazy when there's a full moon.  lol

 

I don't feel like doing much, still.  I can't really write fluidly, or think clearly all the time.  I had a few sets of focal seizures last night and the night before.  I stopped them both with Lorazapam and Keppra.  That put me to sleep.  And it scares others around me, which I hate.  If I would just toughen up and not be chilcken about it.  

 

Right this moment, I can't chat because I'm jamming to Hail to the King, Avenged Sevenfold.  When I'm not jamming to that today, I'm listening to "Face to The Floor" by Chevelle.  Yeah.  Pretty much over and over with a few breaks...lol.  Since I am skilled interpersonally, it is difficult to imagine I might have Apserger's traits...and yet...lol.  Oh sorry, ASD, High functioning.  THey changed the name.  I wish they would stop doing that kind of thing (they, being the DSM V publishers).  Damn.  I've been working too much.  Ok.  I am going to beat my head against yon wall...wait...I have to listen to music...once again, music saves me.  

 

All of my thoughts are independent of one another.  lol...thus, they do not always connect.  I'm also impatient, impulsive, and I trend and in out of existence on social media.  I don't use the phone.  I text.  Only a few people can text me.  Soooo....I'm a freak.  I'm terribly sorry for a freak.  I just like sharing my pictures and getting interesting (lol, to say the least) feedback.  

 

Still saying "I think I can" in a small voice to myself.  But, no longer feeling as down.  Yay... 

 

 

xoxo

 

Ally

 

ps.  If you followed this train of thought, I'm terribly sorry.  It's a a two track brain:  apparently on.  Apparently off.  lol

Ok...I'm almost off the 300mg Sertraline.  I'm now on 100mg of it and just went up to 40 on prozac.  Apparently when I had the brain damage it fizzled my brain and now I will cry like a fountain unless medicated????  Ok.  lol...at least now I have an explanation.  I'm behind at work.  I catch back up.  I fall behind.  I'm forgetful.  No seizures though!  YAY ME.  

 

I got on Ativan because I was panicking.  It's helpful but it makes me sleepy.  That and it makes it not work for emergency seizure medicine unless I double it.  I figure, eh, I can duck out like MJ and Marilyn Monroe, right?  I am officially a "risk taker".   Having damaged my frontal lobe, on the right side, I have some impulse control problems.  

 

That is why I hit you so hard.  just sayin...lol

 

I have an awful temper and all I can say is it's not often?  But ain't no matter.  I got it covered with severity.

 

I'm still working.  I think I'm going to tell them tomorrow I can't do it.  That, or I'm going to phone in sick.  Which IS the coward's way out.  Thank you (Superego?) for reminding me.  

 

I find that off the abilify I am unstable, stormy even.  But WITH the abilify I am dampened in my creativity.  I do not tend to produce as much art or writing.  It is a tormenting existence.  I choose between the two:  sanity or intellectual prison.  

 

Finally, some weido named "Killer" is harrassing me in chat.   When do I squish him like a bug?  Now?  After he says more?  lol

 

YES I am related to the most terrifying vermon on Earth:  Vikings, Baldnobbers, politicians, lawyers, and college professors.  BEWARE.

 

I will try to write more often.  And I will repost the NEverminds.  

 

Thank you for tuning in and for reading......

 

"You're hiding something"....A: "Yes, I hide a lot of things from you.  We all do.  It's easy.  We just put them in these things called BOOKS"....Alligator.

 

 

xo

Ally 

Checking in

They are making some changes to my meds over the next three weeks. Hopefully things will get better soon. Everyone have a great day. ~:>
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