Well, if I miss sleep, I pay for it. If I miss my seizure meds, I pay for it. I'm beginning to think I would be in constant seizure if it were not for the meds. I've got some problems communicating too. My memory sucks. Let's see...what's good? Well I'm pretty happy actually. I'm getting on with life and working a lot because I love to and not because I have to. Those are good things. I figured out how I hurt my shoulder and now it doesn't hurt anymore cause I quit doing it. lol...I was pushing up on the stair rail going down the stairs and it hurt my shoulder. Now that's much better. I was beginning to think it was a fruit ninja injury.
Hope you had a great Memorial Day Weekend and thank you to all of you who served.
Al
Hey you
Yeah you
With the ecig and the New York times, and the Fox News on your mind...
With the work out, and the clepp out
and the burned out
Everything
Hey you
You like Pink Floyd?
Cause I do....
Hey you.
ally
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe_epilepsy
I'm back at the desktop again. I won't be able to stay long. Above is a link to what I have. My diagnosis. But that is only one part. I know that I have a lot to be grateful for. I am grateful, even though I don't often act that way. I don't know if prayer works, I've been terribly sporadic at the whole church thing, and my sister in law is an ordained minister in the curch of the flying spagetti monster. (These things are true, trust me).
type this:
~:>
Into your yahoo. Then you will see my alter ego.
ally
I was right in the middle of a medication switcheroo. Well, that actually went really well. I went to Disney and that went well. THEN I forgot my seizure meds and had a little one (not full on both sides of the brain, thankfully). So that happened again then I went back to the neurologist. He increased my Keppra. Keppra makes me tired....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....but tired is better than spazzing and wetting your pants. lol...sorry...
I don't really have any sinister intentions. I just don't like really, really, paranoid, jaded folks who don't believe anything. So, I try to drive them away...GIT....SHEW!!!!
The thing is, I don't care what someone I don't know thinks of me. Hell, I barely care when I know folks. I'm going to speak my mind. Sometimes that gets a little prickly. But don't worry, I won't start any bar fights. lol...My ADD symptoms are better on the new meds but I'm falling asleep on the keppra. I was doing the lumosity app (don't laugh, it's kinda cool and it seems to help) daily, but fell behind. So, my working memory is weak.
I'm working a lot. I love what I do so much. I'm really grateful. Today I made necklaces out of clay and bracelets out of rubber bands, and a giant watch tower out of legos. Yep. They pay me for that. :D
Yes. Grateful. Yes, me.
;p
ally
Set an eye and wait and see
How long before they’re mean to me
Then toss em out and cast again
And reel the real men, reel them in
Ask for friendship, nothing more
Watch the ones who hit the door
Consider it a welcome spin
This club is special n yer not in
Don’t matter if you’re black or white
If you’re too sick n tired to fight
Or handicapped, or quite insane
I’ll still be your friend, tell me
What’s your name?
Please don’t bring drama
I’ve had enough
Go tell your Mamma
Cause I’ll get rough
Don’t threaten suicide and then
Refuse to carry through, my friend!
Don’t tell me things about your penis
You’re from mars, dude, I’m from Venus
And don’t even get started
When you’re the one
Insisting sexy pics are fun
Yeah, don’t get started telling me
That’s I’m a sinner and la tee dee
Go stick yer head inside the bowl
Flush it good, you little troll
Unless you’re nice and merely find
You’ve stumbled across my frazzled mind
Well, oops,I’m sorry, carry on
But if you’re suicidal?
PALEESE be gone.
I cannot work all day and night
That’s why I won’t put up that fight
And guilt trips make me pretty mad
Refuse the ticket
I’ve been had
So just don’t bother with the guilt
Foundation’s strong on which I’m built
And fake a profile, oh please do
Makes me smile cause I know it's yoooouuuu
And set aside my silly rhymes
Remember? You don’t have the time.
:)
Ally
Oops... almost forgot!
Never minds (especially don't mind the spelling)
Never mind the horses And never mind the mud
Never mind the courses
Or your grades when they go thud.
Never mind the water
Don't mind if you can swim
Never see the ocean There's a chance you will fall in />
Nevermind the deadlines
And don't mind mom and dad
Nevermind the headlines
When the news is looking bad
Nevermind the toxins
Never mind that smell
Your children if you drop them
Don't you ever tell
Never mind the articles
Never mind the laughter
Never mind the particles
You have been chasing after
Never mind the telephone
Never mind that ring
Never ever even once
Mind a single thing
Never mind the tangles
Twisting up your hair
Never mind the angles
Can you see my house from there?
Nevermind the pickle
You walked into over there
Never mind the water trickle
Down the front hall stair
Never mind the pain you'll bring Nevermind tomorrow
Never mind the guilt that stings Nevermind the sorrow
Never mind permission!
Never mind the boss
Never mind the score board If your team is facing loss
Never mind the people
Never mind them when they stare
Nevermind the steeple
Or that church that's over there
Nevermind the city When alarms are going off
Never mind the pretty wall cloud Nevermind that cough
Never mind your fever
Never mind your woes
Don't mind in the theater
When everybody goes
Never mind the answers
Because there are not any
Never mind the questions
Of those there will be plenty.
Never mind the wishes
Never mind the hope
Never mind the dishes
Never mind the soap.
Never mind your left shoe
Never mind the right
Don't mind what your parents do
Each night when they fight
Never mind the feelings
Never mind that coffin
Never mind, you're healing
We think about you often
Never mind forgiveness
Never mind the flu
Don't say, "I don't get this" If you don't or if you do
Never mind the feelings
You wish you didn't have
Never mind the peelings
When the orange has gone bad.
Don't mind God when he's frightening Nevermind his stare
Never mind the lightening
That is striking over there
Never mind the time at all
Never mind the water
Never mind your mom, your dad, your brother, or your daughter
Never mind the ringing
Staying in your ears
Never mind the singing
Though the others cannot hear
Nevermind the future
Please forget the past
Never mind the sutures
Those are healing fast
Never mind the compliments
Never mind the fuss
Steal the packs of condements
Sneak onto the bus
Never mind the hurdles
Never mind where you are
Don't go saving the turtles
That cross before your car
Never mind the puddles
Never mind the dirt
Never look buffuddled
When your feelings have been hurt
Nevermind the insults
Toss out the invitations
Never mind the grown ups
In any situation
Never mind the Bible
No one understands it
Never mind the guys with funny hair Who always hand it
Never mind your secrets
Never mind that fall
Find a penny keep it
But never wish at all
Mess up all your taxes
Do it line by line
Never mind the fact is
You mess up all the time
And when they ask you questions
And you don't know what to say
Talk about the weather "It's a very lovely day".
Never mind your heart is breaking
Don't listen to that shatter
Who cares how long it's taking
Say nothing is the matter.
Lock up all the windows
Bolt up every door
And never mind it, any of it
Ever any more.
Never mind that depression
Never mind that pill
Don't do chest compressions
If they're turning pale and ill
And nevermind the heimlich
If you think someone is choking Nevermind the time-- look
He's probably just joking
Push away the people, crime
Push away the crowds
Play the same song twenty times
Really, really loud
Can't get it open? Pry it
Never mind the locks
Never had it? Try it -
Ebola, chickenpox.
Never mind this writing
And nevermind this girl
And nevermind your sighting something That could change the world.
Nevermind this poem
Nor love because it burns
Don't mind going home
Or when your stomach turns
Never mind you're overwhelmed
Don't worry anymore
Make sure no one's at the helm
When the ship is run ashore.
Never mind the banter
Never mind the chatter
But listen to rain and wind
And tell them what's the matter
Nevermind tomorrow
It's just another day
Don't mind if you feel hollow
Or any words you say
And nevermind the stories
Don't mind the hidden clues
And nevermind I'm sorry
For all I've done to you.
And please don't mind the meter
And never tell the time
And don't turn down the heater
If you're boiling in the brine.
Never mind I'm not sure what you mean Or if I'm trying
Never stick your hands between the sheets When they are drying.
But please do mind the flowers
And listen to the wind
And talk to me for hours.
So the neverminds will end.
Ally
Well, the good news is I have been more outgoing the last few days. Otherwise, I've been ok. Just a bit stresed by work. There has been a full moon. Wow. People go crazy when there's a full moon. lol
I don't feel like doing much, still. I can't really write fluidly, or think clearly all the time. I had a few sets of focal seizures last night and the night before. I stopped them both with Lorazapam and Keppra. That put me to sleep. And it scares others around me, which I hate. If I would just toughen up and not be chilcken about it.
Right this moment, I can't chat because I'm jamming to Hail to the King, Avenged Sevenfold. When I'm not jamming to that today, I'm listening to "Face to The Floor" by Chevelle. Yeah. Pretty much over and over with a few breaks...lol. Since I am skilled interpersonally, it is difficult to imagine I might have Apserger's traits...and yet...lol. Oh sorry, ASD, High functioning. THey changed the name. I wish they would stop doing that kind of thing (they, being the DSM V publishers). Damn. I've been working too much. Ok. I am going to beat my head against yon wall...wait...I have to listen to music...once again, music saves me.
All of my thoughts are independent of one another. lol...thus, they do not always connect. I'm also impatient, impulsive, and I trend and in out of existence on social media. I don't use the phone. I text. Only a few people can text me. Soooo....I'm a freak. I'm terribly sorry for a freak. I just like sharing my pictures and getting interesting (lol, to say the least) feedback.
Still saying "I think I can" in a small voice to myself. But, no longer feeling as down. Yay...
xoxo
Ally
ps. If you followed this train of thought, I'm terribly sorry. It's a a two track brain: apparently on. Apparently off. lol
Ok...I'm almost off the 300mg Sertraline. I'm now on 100mg of it and just went up to 40 on prozac. Apparently when I had the brain damage it fizzled my brain and now I will cry like a fountain unless medicated???? Ok. lol...at least now I have an explanation. I'm behind at work. I catch back up. I fall behind. I'm forgetful. No seizures though! YAY ME.
I got on Ativan because I was panicking. It's helpful but it makes me sleepy. That and it makes it not work for emergency seizure medicine unless I double it. I figure, eh, I can duck out like MJ and Marilyn Monroe, right? I am officially a "risk taker". Having damaged my frontal lobe, on the right side, I have some impulse control problems.
That is why I hit you so hard. just sayin...lol
I have an awful temper and all I can say is it's not often? But ain't no matter. I got it covered with severity.
I'm still working. I think I'm going to tell them tomorrow I can't do it. That, or I'm going to phone in sick. Which IS the coward's way out. Thank you (Superego?) for reminding me.
I find that off the abilify I am unstable, stormy even. But WITH the abilify I am dampened in my creativity. I do not tend to produce as much art or writing. It is a tormenting existence. I choose between the two: sanity or intellectual prison.
Finally, some weido named "Killer" is harrassing me in chat. When do I squish him like a bug? Now? After he says more? lol
YES I am related to the most terrifying vermon on Earth: Vikings, Baldnobbers, politicians, lawyers, and college professors. BEWARE.
I will try to write more often. And I will repost the NEverminds.
Thank you for tuning in and for reading......
"You're hiding something"....A: "Yes, I hide a lot of things from you. We all do. It's easy. We just put them in these things called BOOKS"....Alligator.
xo
Ally