LOVE!!

What does it really mean?

To me love is something unconditional true and forgiving. It deals with the ups and downs. It deals with all the pain and suffering that the other one is dealing with with no regaurds of your own. There is nothing you wouldnt do for that other person. You will be there for them no matter what happens.

suicide

is this life worth living if all i get is pain?

for me things are getting to the point that i just want to cut and hurt myself. i am feeling depressed and out of sorts. i know things are not worth doing stupid shit like hurting or cutting myself let alone suicide. but the way my mind is set now it might be better for everyone and myself to just disappear. to never show my face again it would probably be better to be six feet under the ground. i want so hard to be with my amazing girlfriend and her daughter and have kids with her and spend the rest of my life with her. i know nothing is worth killing yoursaelf over but if i died today i wouldnt have to worry about the pain and no one would even miss me for the most part just when they want to use me for something. oh well maybe tomorrow will bring better light hopefully. if not there is nothing other than doing the damn deed.hope people that read this dont worry but if you dont hear from me in a few days you might need to wonder.....have a good night!!

today is the day that i sit in wonder of what is going on these days? i am in the dark about whats going on in my life right now that it is confusing and different to me. i am lost and don't know really how to get back to the light. all i know is i don't want any more games played with my heart or mind. i can not take any more i have dealt with enough as it is in my life. yes i know that shit happens and it happens for a reason but hey why can't the one thing that has gone right in my life stay that way for once. i am going to stay in this dark place for now until she realizes that she brings the light into my days and the moon into my nights. i will love no one else if she leaves and i will stay in this dark yet broken night. i am going to have to realize one day that i am not what she really wants or that it is me and no one else. i can not keep going on living wondering day by day if it were going to be my last with her. i know you guys and girls are tired of hearing this from me but this is the only way i can release what is in my head without making her feel bad or that i am pushing her or trying to trap her in anything. cause i am so far from that but what do i do when i can't seem to figure out if its me she really wants or just the thought of me. i would and have treated her like a queen. showing her that she is more than nothing and that she is worth everything to me. i am willing to get my heart wripped out of my chest and letting it get stomped on over and over for just another day with her.

What the HELL???

as i sit here in a room filled with the sounds of the wind blowing outside the birds churpping and the sounds of the keyboard as i type. i sit here in this room wondering about where life is going to lead me. i want to be able to know what is instore for my future yet i want the surprise. i have to look at life as it gives you what you get. there is no certain pattern that is going to show you what lies ahead. so all we can do these days is live life to fullest day by day because in the end today is not even a guarentee.

   I am living life one day at a time. i rather love and loose than not love at all. we all have our weaknesses and our strongness but we all get hurt somehow someway. i hope everyone who loves dont end up in the same kind of situation i am in right now. but for me i cant stop loving no matter how much i get hurt. she is my future my love of my life and she can do no wrong as long as she comes home to me at night. i know am alot soft hearted but i cant help myself when i look in those blue eyes i melt. she  has me wrapped up tight in the palm of her hands and i cant seem to exscape the clutches and i dont want to either.