My About Me is way overdue for an update. So here we go...

Part 1: Fubar Business

1. Ladies, I am not here to see your tits. Your tits could be made of pure 24 karat gold with diamond nipples and I wouldn't give a shit either way. While I love nice tits as much as the next guy, and have never turned down a free viewing, I really don't need the internet for that. Believe it or not, I do just fine on my own.

2. Nor am I interested in your NSFWs. I sympathize with the difficulty the pervs on here give you and know that a lot of them rate, fan and add you for the sole purpose of seeing your NSFWs. I'm sure it sucks. But I don't do that shit. Don't piss me off and assume that I do.

3. No, I will not buy you a bling pack or the latest, gayest "bling." Why? Because it's really fuckin retarded.

4. However, I would be willing to consider buying you a Happy Hour on one condition - you juggle my balls in your mouth.

5. No, I will not rate your owner or the #1 or #2 person in your family. I would only consider doing that for a very select group of friends. Other than that, I rate, fan and add who I want, when I want.

6. Fuck your lounge. If you plug it on my page, I'll burn the shit hole down.

7. There are times when my status says I'm online when I'm really not. I apologize in advance if you try to contact me and get no response. I will get back to you ASAP.

8. I appreciate whatever love I receive and I'm more than happy to return it. It is a personal policy of mine.

9. I rate others under no assumptions or obligations. Because of that, I can say this - I don't give a shit if you rate me back or not. It is, after all, just the internet. My life will go on.

10. No, I don't want your cell phone number, or any other number for that matter. I hate the telephone, especially cell phones. I want to meet the person who invented texting and cut their hands off. I'd take their legs, too...just so they don't get any fancy ideas.

11. Fuck drama. Don't bring that shit to me. I have to deal with enough of it in real life. I don't need it here.


*If you're still here and reading this, then "Yay!" If not, you missed the part where I told you to STFU & GTFO.*


Part II: Me

1. I'm a full-time college student at the University of Nebraska-Omaha, majoring in Journalism. I hope to graduate next summer.

2. I have two jobs - I work in the Electronics department at Walmart, and I'm a freelance journalist for ATSNews.com.

3. I'm a dork.

4. I love making people laugh. Sometimes people don't get my jokes - which is too bad because the shit is funny.

5. I don't eat vegetables. If I wanted to eat a leaf, I'd pick one off a tree.

6. I'm a conspiracy theorist. Unless you have physical evidence proving otherwise, then they really are out to get me.

7. I worship at the altar of Hendrix.

8. I'm obsessed with Star Wars and have the tattoos to prove it.

9. Yes, I'm bald.

10. I love brunettes.

11. I am, in reality, very shy. But once I get comfortable with you, I'll never shut up.

12. I'm really not as "dickish" as I may sound. I'm actually quite harmless. So don't be intimidated.

13. I love video games.

14. I think feet are gross.

15. I put cheese on everything.

16. I'm lost without my iPod Touch.

17. I love watching documentaries.

18. My favorite TV show? The History Channel...pretty much all of it. It's an addiction.

19. See? Told ya I was a dork.

20. I'm still wicked awesome, though.

21. I don't drink alcohol. Not because I'm against it, but because it gives me migraines...and I hate that shit.

*If there's anything else, just ask.*