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Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience! One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk You were shot down!" "How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.. "I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today." Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know. Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety. Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes. I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing my parachute And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack yours! Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.. Maybe this could explain it: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do -- you forward jokes. And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke. So my friend, next time when you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile, just helping you pack your parachute........ Have a great day and stay in touch.....

RECTUM STRETCHER LMAO

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket $95.00 Court Costs. $45.00 The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

Sunday Morning Sex

I will never hear church bells ringing again without Smiling... Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just Passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people Nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, Realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just The right rhythm. Nice and slow and even... Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out On the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd Still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light, I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, My daughter beside me, angelic in rest. Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white, Transforming the yard to a winter delight. The sparkling lights in the tree I believe, Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep, Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep. In perfect contentment, or so it would seem, So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream. The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, And I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?" I asked without fear, "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here! Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!" For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift, Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.. To the window that danced with a warm fire's light Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right, I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand at the front of the line, That separates you from the darkest of times. No one had to ask or beg or implore me, I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me. My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December," Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ', And now it is my turn and so, here I am. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile. Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag, The red, white, and blue... an American flag. I can live through the cold and the being alone, Away from my family, my house and my home. I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet, I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat. I can carry the weight of killing another, Or lay down my life with my sister and brother.. Who stand at the front against any and all, To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall." "So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright, Your family is waiting and I'll be all right." "But isn't there something I can do, at the least, "Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast? It seems all too little for all that you've done, For being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, "Just tell us you love us, and never forget. To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone, To stand your own watch, no matter how long. For when we come home, either standing or dead, To know you remember we fought and we bled. Is payment enough, and with that we will trust, That we mattered to you as you mattered to us." some credit is due to our U.S.service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

what would you do?

Kiss me: Hug me: Date me: Get tipsy with me: Kill me: Love me: Hate me: Hold me: Respect me: Lie to me: Hurt me: Sing with me: Dance with me: Grind with me: Cuddle with me: Let me make a move on you: Make a move on me: Watch a movie with me: Get me a B-day gift: Caress me: Let me borrow your car: Be there for me: Buy me a drink: Bring me around your friends: Give me a massage: Take me to the club: Go to sleep with me: Do me: Drink kool-aid with me: Take advantage of me: Let me take advantage of u: Hangout with me: Take care of me if I wasn't feeling good: Hold hands with me: Do something incredibly sweet for me: Give me a lap dance: Tell me you love me: Let me call you: If so whats your number: What would you do if you woke up next to me: Will you repost this so i can do the same for u: AFTER YOU MAIL ME YOUR RESPONSE IN A MESSAGE, repost and see just how far someone would go with you

Hello There Nice Person

Did Anyone Ever Tell You, Just How Special You Are The Light that You Emit Might even Light a Star Did Anyone Ever Tell You How Important You Make Others Feel Somebody out here is Smiling About Love that is so Real Did Anyone Ever Tell You that Many Times When They were Sad Your E-mail made Them Smile a bit In Fact It made Them Glad For the Time You Spend Sending Things And Sharing whatever You Find There are No Words to Thank You But Somebody, Thinks You're Fine Did Anyone Ever Tell You Just How Much They Like You Well, My Dearest Friend Today I am Telling You Huggzz My Friends!!

True Friend...

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail.... But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying .. WE screwed up, but we had fun! " Proud to be your Friend! I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned..that money doesn't buy class. I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done. To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I am honored.

Friends

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you. Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back.

LOL All About Asses!!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where: :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) :-( Well, how about some "ASSICONS?" Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (_/_) a Liposuctioned ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass

Good Friends Or What LOL

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient! I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
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