OddLilgirlyGirlxXPUNKxXMEOW's blog: "my writing"

Old things start to creep back up in my mind

once more I'm losing sleep

In a place where I don't need to be again

Razors edge won't dull the pain this time

So easily we forget what was said

I wish I could be as cold  as you

But I can't so easily forget losing a friend

my lil roller coaster of emotions, up and down twisted around thoughts flecked with self inflicted well place cuts What really lies inside my mind I can't say why do I do what it is I do twist my words to bend your thoughts. a confusing conundrum of past regret and suicide threats. Consumed with these things sometimes it controls my life, its not mine to own but my dreams and screams slowly fade away.clouds lift and I feel the sun once again kiss my lips, for only but a moment till I slip yet again sinking lower with each dip,my lucks gonna run out one of these days its only a matter of time till I finally end it all and dive deep into my sadness. randomness and indecision makes me cut with more precision. little scars of past regret and thing I did I never meant, razorblade dreams can can come true you see, someday I'll be the death of me

Things don't change if you stay the same, stuck in a rut as my world unravels, fake friends and lies turn to lullabies, If only I could stop thinking for awhile, trip myself up when I get so high, marked and scarred from what I've done. bring myself up to tear it all down, pools of though are where I drowned. pages of ramblings, fill my books, sporadic burst of words flow forth, I forgot where I began, to find a switch to shut it off and start all over again. stumble through another day write it all down to throw it away. keep it locked up so no one knows, words pour out as lines phrases, I can never forget the lies I've told I carry my guilt for all to see, time drips by and I can't quit. write it all down to try to forget

The eyes are the window to the soul they say, look deep and long See inside to someone real, scarred beaten and torn. Look in and see a scared lil girl who thought she knew whats right Someone so lost and shattered inside the past you can run from but never hide. Gazed deep within to the truth kept hidden by lies and forgotten for awhile. You'll find a little lost girl with her heart on her sleeve and a broken smile.

tear me down to leave me that way broken and lost I keep you in my dreams time doesn't always ease the way you make me feel tears become salt for wounds hidden away dead eyes and half smiles hide it from the outside I guess I forgot to forget you again

To think I thought I'd be ok this time, an inside joke for just myself. Wear a smile to pass the time peacefully till my next episode. Hide the scars under long shirts and rolls of gauze Razorblade dreams crept up on me again. Fought it off for as long as I could telling myself I was whole again. Little white lies turn to drops of red running down my arm again. Shut my mouth and keep it inside till I can find a dark corner to slash away at myself once again. False hope I filled myself with runs down my arm and to the drain. Turns a pretty shade of pink Before they wash away gone before I had a chance to try them on for size. this addiction I found long ago for pain is becoming all consuming an obsession that runs though my mind. Hell bent on self destructing one cut to many to deep is all it would take......punish myself by sticking around. Looking for redemption for a pain I never caused, fueled by guilt implanted in me before I was to young to know what to do with it I hate it when I feel this way......but I love the way the high feels

....to get your butts in here Mjr. DJ Foxy Bitch GM of FOC Radio & Fu-wife to Cpt. Tha Beast CAG

@ fubar *~* CoL.OddLilGirlyGirl*~*HEAD barTENDER*~* Resident PERV*~*Co- GM FOC RADIO*~*Dirty Bitch Crew*~*

@ fubar Cpt. Tha Beast CAG (DJ Manager) for FOC ~~ Fu hubby to Mjr. foxy karlah

@ fubar (repost of original by '*~* CoL.OddLilGirlyGirl*~*HEAD barTENDER*~* Resident PERV*~*Co- GM FOC RADIO*~*Dirty Bitch Crew*~*' on '2007-12-05 17:41:32') (repost of original by 'Mjr. DJ Foxy Bitch GM of FOC Radio & Fu-wife to Cpt. Tha Beast CAG' on '2007-12-05 19:02:51')

Poisoned dreams seep through my mind, shut eyes can hide so much, seeping in intoxicating my mind. Ripped apart and thrown away I find myself inside of them. write it down and try to explain it for myself so I can try to understand why I feel this way for myself. silence screams inside my head, I can feel myself sinking back again Sleepless nights are all that remain. Here I die, here I'll stay, fade into the dark thats where I remain.

I hate the way you make me feel, I'll never be good enough for you and it tears me apart Use me up till you feel better then toss me aside, what are friends for right It makes me cry when I think bout it, could never say what I want to cause it wouldn't make a difference So I sit and stay quiet watch you go about your business, only the people you feel closest to can hurt you like this I hate the way you make me feel, cause as hard as I try I can't hate you at all

I tried to stop and I couldn't, addicted to the way it makes me feel, my release A rush floods my head and makes the thoughts I keep locked away leave. My roulette with myself every time I go at it again, one slip and its all down hill from here kid, to deep and you're gone for good, Scars personal wars waged on myself in the past remain, little reminders that I've beat myself at this game before I tried to stop but I won't, razorblades are my anti-drug