demonchild's blog: "my wall"

why do i feel like this i cant breath i am never happy any more i don't what to do any thing i don't want to get out of bed i cry my self to sleep every night i miss the one that i love but dosen't love me anymore some days i just feel like dieing going to sleep one night and never awake but i can't i have a son that needs me and dosen't have any one to care of him why can't i keep the guy i love so much that i had a son with him and all he did is leave me with nothing i lost my job my home my life and the only one i realy loved with all my heart and he didn't care as long as he got away and find some one new to be with i hate feeling this way i just want to know why was i not good for him i gave him every thing and only asked for him to be true to me and he couldn't do that i was true to him and in a way i am still in love with him but i know he will never love me and he never did he just wanted something that i had but if i know that he dosent love me then why do i feel this way i wanted him to know his son and be there for him the way a father should be but he wants nothing to do with him tha thought he was diffrent but he was just like every guy then why do i love him so much even after what he did and said i would just like to talk to him he has missed so much my son i one now and he i walking and trying to talk and with every day that go by he looks more and more like him i just wish he could see that and see that he is his son

papa i know you're going to be upset cuz i was always your little girl but you should know by now i'm not a baby you always taught me right from wrong i need your help daddy please be strong i may be young at heart but i know what im saying the one you warned me all about the one you said i could do without we're in an awful mess and i don't mean maybe....pleaseee. papa don't preach, i'm in trouble deep papa don't preach i've been losing sleep.. but i've made up my mind i'm keeping the baby ohh ohh imma keep my baby he says that he's going to marry me and we can raise a little family maybe we'll be alright it's a sacrifice but my friends keep telling me to give it up saying im too young i outta live it up what i need right now is seem good advice papa don't preach, i'm in trouble deep papa don't preach i've been losing sleep.. but i've made up my mind i'm keeping the baby ohh ohh imma keep my baby daddy daddy if you could only see just how good he's been treating me you'd give us your blessing right now cuz we're in loveeee... we are in love, so pleaseee.. papa don't preach, i'm in trouble deep papa don't preach, i've been losing sleep.. but i've made up my mind i'm keeping my baby ohh ohh imma keep my baby ohh don't stop lovin me daddy, i know i'm keeping the baby don't stop loving me daddy, i know i'm keep the baby

Long lost words whisper slowly to me Still can't find what keeps me here When all this time I've been so hollow inside I know you're still there Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you, loving you I won't let you pull me down Hunting you, I can smell you - alive Your heart pounding in my head Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Saving me, raping me, watching me Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you... loving you I won't let you pull me down

I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along

Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50 thousand tears I've cried Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you And you still won't hear me (Going under) Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom I'm dying again I'm going under Drowning in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through I'm going under Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies So I don't know what's real and what's not Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore I'm dying again I'm going under Drowning in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through So go on and scream Scream at me I'm so far away I won't be broken again I've got to breathe I can't keep going under I'm dying again I'm going under (going under) Drowning you (drowning in you) I'm falling forever (falling forever) I've got to break through I'm going under (going under) Going under (drowning in you) I'm going under!

I been sittin' here starin' At the clock on the wall And I been layin' here prayin' Prayin' she won't call It's just another call from home And you'll get it and be gone And I'll be cryin' And I'll be beggin' you, baby Beg you not to leave But I'll be left here waitin' With my heart on my sleeve Oh, for the next time we'll be here Seems like a million years And I think I'm dyin' What do I have to do to make you see She can't love you like me Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of bein' lonely Don't I give you what you need When she calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay (yeah) You keep tellin' me, baby There will come a time When you will leave her arms And forever be in mine But I don't think that's the truth And I don't like bein' used And I'm tired 'a waitin' It's too much pain to have to bear To love a man you have to share Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of bein' lonely Don't I give you what you need When she calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay (yeah) I can't take it any longer But my will is gettin' stronger And I think I know just what I have to do I can't waste another minute After all that I put in it I've given you my best Why does she get the best of you So next time you'll find You wanna leave her bed for mine Why don't you stay I'm up off my knees I'm so tired of bein' lonely You can't give me what I need When she begs you not to go There is one thing you should know I don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay, yeah Oh

!♥love it♥ If I had to live my life with out you near me The days would all be empty The nights would seem so long And with you I see forever oh so clearly I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong Our dreams are young and we both know They'll take us where we want to go Hold me now, touch me now I don't want to live without you Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought to know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought to know by now how much I love you You'll only change my whole life through Nothing's gonna change my love for you If the road ahead is not so easy Our love will lead a way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too Hold me now, touch me now I don't want to live without you

Oceans apart day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain If I see you next to never How can we say forever Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you I took for granted, all the times That I though would last somehow I hear the laughter, I taste the tears But I can't get near you now Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' CrAzY Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you I wonder how we can survive This romance But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance Oh, can't you see it baby You've got me goin' cRaZy Wherever you go Whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you

And I don't want you and I don't need you Don't bother to resist, or I'll beat you It's not your fault that you're always wrong The weak ones are there to justify the strong The beautiful people, the beautiful people It's all relative to the size of your steeple You can't see the forest for the trees You can't smell your own shit on your knees There's no time to discriminate, Hate every motherfucker That's in your way [Chorus:] Hey you, what do you see? Something beautiful, something free? Hey you, are you trying to be mean? If you live with apes man, it's hard to be clean The worms will live in every host It's hard to pick which one they eat most The horrible people, the horrible people It's as anatomic as the size of your steeple Capitalism has made it this way, Old-fashioned fascism will take it away [Chorus] There's no time to discriminate, Hate every motherfucker That's in your way The beautiful people The beautiful people (aahh) [x4] [Chorus x2] The beautiful people [x8]

We'll meet again don't know where don't know when but I know we'll meet again some sunny day Keep smilin' thru just like you always do 'til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away And will you please say hello to the folks that I know Tell'em that I won't be long and they'll be happy to know that when you saw me go I was singing this song We'll meet again don't know where don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day [spoken] yeah we'll meet again I don't know where I don't know when but I do know that we'll meet again some sunny day [spoken] So honey keep smilin' thru just like you always do 'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away! I LOVE YOU!