Yaya's blog: "my mini series..."

We learn through every process of life, but no one is the same everyone has pain in a diverse ways – everyone will feel it eventually – excavating within them! – Who can identify the other persons feelings really, or way of being? We’re constantly changing, and we can’t stop it, the change makes us unusual. We grow, whether we face the low levels of downfall, or the up scales of rising, it doesn’t matter which one we get first. If ur at a crisis, u may not realize it until its all over – or you may realize that u are not at a stable moment, but you sure as hell don’t think u need any help. Which only brings u to ur sad realization of ur stupid life that u brought urself into because of course, it’s from ur own poor choices – but hey, if u have the balls to think that ur better then the shit whole of life that ur living in – it would be an upside to the scary reality! Which states furthermore that u have hope indeed! That’s a reason why we all keep trying – because we have hope – but what happens when hope is all gone – damn u start thinking the craziest thing like, well it’s all a process, the downward spiral and the rising, has steps – both include a variety in general! Or u may be the lucky -shit of a person that is in the middle – and has no clue of what the hell I’m talking about! – Truthfully you may not have lived thoroughly – but then again you may be better off without facing the other world! At one point I figure we will all see eye to eye. KARMA! BECAUSE YOU TOOK ME THERE! I can't say I have lived thoroughly - but I have gone through many high points in life! I have yet to grow!

On July 9, 2007at 5:35 am I dreamt about him! I was debating on whether I wanted to share anything about him or about my dream. I have come to the conclusion that this is a part of me that makes me, “me!” My feelings, and way of thinking revolve around him – it might sound a tad absurd, for I am young – and I do confuse myself, but that originally comes with my idea that I think TOO much! I’m concerned in avoiding mistakes, although I do know that making mistakes is a process I definitely need to go through in order to learn- however, if I can make a smart decision at the time I will embrace it! lol I have already made too many mistakes – things that I’m ashamed of – but I only know that after experiencing them, I WILL NOT take that route again! Making myself into a person I want to be. I will not explain my dream thoroughly – for it is something I hold dearly! (Since, it is the first dream I’ve had of him after he left!) L I have thought about him so much that time going by just seems so depressing. – I literally need to keep myself on the multitaskable level in order to not think of him. How sad is that! Lol He means so much to me – and that dream I had proves that within – every touch, the sound of his voice, and the surrounding area – felt so real, making me think that, without a doubt, “he thinks of me!” You know, as if he was really by my side. His feelings for me in the dream were really solid-[he let me know that he loves me, and would like to be with me] AHHHH *screams* and it’s something so wonderful I hope there could be some reality waiting to break out- into my future. For those reasons I won’t share the full contents of my dream I feel like it’s something to cherish and hold onto! My mood has not been at its best ever since he left – but this dream with no doubt has my spirits raised! Call it my fantasy world or what you will – but my feelings for him have always been strong! Love is out there it only takes time. He knows that I care for him, maybe too much! *I hope to see you soon, I miss you* CF