Princess Of the Dark's blog: "Mindful wanderings"

This is absolutely the worst 2 weeks I have ever had. I have lost 8 lbs in the last two weeks from not being able to keep my food down. I cant even stand the sight of food.... ugg just thinking about it makes me nauseated.

GODS i want to strangle the exmonster right now. I was so worried for hours.. He brought my kids home over 3 hours late today from there weekend visit. He is on a quick path to me puttin my foot up his ass. He wants me to drop back child support arrearages in exchange for him not taking the kids for the next two summers.. OK i can handle that but there should be some other things offered in that too! This whole deal is nothing but one fucked up mind game to him.. Peeps do ursleves a favor... if you dont have kids becareful who you have them with.. if you do have kids I hope that your marriages last atleast till the last one turns 18 because custody disputes FUCKING STINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well peeps im officially stressed out to the max. I blew my top today. I went in to see that surgeon(what a joke he was) and he told me that surgery wouldnt help the deformity in my neck after another doctor told me it would. So now im stuck living in pain and you know what.. IT FUCKING SUCKS ASS. I am stressed out to the max on legal matters and i swear to the gods if i ever get divorced again im joining a convent. Less trouble that way.. i wish id have listened to my mom years ago and never married the SOB that i first married. Now im stuck fighting the sick abusive basterd in court. ANd he always wins becasue he has money to pay for an attorney and I dont. Because he is 34 yrs old and still lives with his momma. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT? Someone give me a gun so i can put myself out of my misery.

Well tomorrow i head to see the surgeon, finally after waiting for almost a year. I have a herniated disc in my neck, cervical kyphosis, and lumbar stenosis. Yep my spine is FUCKED. Im looking at surgery for my neck and probably on my back later on down the line. I hope for a soon date for the surgery and a speedy recovery. My neck has become so bad that I cannot stand to sit up strait or stand for more than a few minutes because the weight of my own head causes me severe pain. That is why I havent been on teh computer much cause i cant bear to sit for long.

I know that there has been alot of crap going on between my friends and some ppl that used to call themselves freinds. Well enough is enough. Ash you asked my husband why he deleted you well let me tell you why, because you are bitter and consumed by hatred and he has no time for that kind of crap. You talk nothing but trash and blame other people for your mistakes. The grown up thing to do would be to admit your wrong and that you had a place in it to and leave it at that. This cannot continue and i will not be party to it anymore. I have enough things to worry about without all your rantings and bitching. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IT IS TIME TO END THIS AND BEHAVE LIKE WE ARE MATURE ADULTS. Cora you need to stop putting my stuff on your blogs I will report you for it and have your accout deleted.

I have posted new tracks on my site. I am still working on the bugs but they should work if not mark them as broken so i know and can fix them.

I have realized in the past that my first opinion of someone is never wrong. I would stress that alot of people, especially those of us on the internet have forgotten our manners, and have just plain went crazy. We say things we would not say in real life and do things we would not do in real life. I say be who you are because nobody else is like you. You are one of a kind and that can never be taken away. Fight for what you believe in, and always be honest in all that you do. Life is life and it has a funny way of smacking you in the face once in a while and litterally knocking you on your ass. Life is to short for grudges, anger and bitterness. It all ends after a while, and we all end sooner or later. I have learned that if you live with twisted beginnings you will become twisted in the end.So instead see what is before you and love those who hate you and hold your children nearer to your heart everyday. Love is the way to conquer all fear, hate, and bitterness. LOVE is truley the only way. So go out and hug someone today. It is true what they say keep your friends close but keep your enemies even closer!

As you can see i am not sitting in jail and am at home.I just wanted to let everyone know what happened in court today. Basically the judge gave me 90 days in jail which i am to report to on June 8th 2007, he also gave dad make up visitations consisting of the whole 3 month break while off school for 2007 and 2008. How ever he has also given me the months from now til June to purge myself of the contempt by letting dad have them at every visitation he requests. I also have to let him have info through the kids schools, doctors, and thearapy. He also filled a objection to my moving some 4 months ago.. which my attorney says just opened the door for me to file for modifications of the whole custdy order! So my attorney plans to file for a modification on; visitation, transportation, and change of venue. After court my ex and his attorney and me and my attorney had a talk he is willing to pick the kids up at my house now due to my begining work schedule, move the divorce out of the current court, now then this all said this is where he made a big BOO BOO. After court we talked outside without attorneys around, but my sister in law was there to witness the conversation. Even though the judge gave him the whole summer to have them, HE DONT WANT THEM FOR ANYTHING BUT WEEKENDS, and wants me to keep them during the week so he dont have to take them to there doctors appointments and be bothered with the hard stuff. He also agreed that if a child is ill( vomiting, fever, or diahrea) they dont have to go to his house and he wont push the issue. He has also agreed that our 13 yr old son does not have to go to visitations if he has sports, church or school activities, he also agreed that i can send one child every summer to stay with my mom for one month for a visit since she lives 900 miles away, and he will not file a contempt as long as he gets the other two kids as planned and on schedule. I plan on doing a few things to try and catch him in a big enough perdicament that the judge will see that this is all about the money and revenge and not the kids. a)Im going to get a answering machine to keep records of all telephone calls. b)Im going to keep a log of all visits that he has or doesnt want. c)I am going to get a camera and inspect the kids for bruises, welts, handprints and the such any marks will be photographed by me then the child will be checked out at hospital and a police report will be filed. d) I sworn signed affidavit from my sister in law on the conversation that we had outside the courtroom saying that he dont want the kids. Our attorneys are drawing up an agreement for us to sign and have placed as modifications in the visitations. If he is doing what he says and just wants to repair his relationship with the kids then fine.. but soon enough he will show his true colors and will stop seeing the kids again at that time i will bring it back infront of the judge to prove that he was only doing this for revenge. My kids protection orders are invalid and will be dismissed but my order is valid and will be used to keep the peace. Beginning this friday he will get the kids when he asks for them and i will give no resistance. He gets them christmas day at 6 pm until new years day at 6 pm. we will be switching back nu forth on holidays. Provided all this works out and there are no more problems then come June my sentence will be susepended and this will all be a bad memory of the past. I will keep in touch on here still and help all of you out as much as i possibly can. Thank you all for your words of comfort, encouragement, and enlightenment. You may have saved me many times over from giving in to the battle and the severe depression that i was suffering.. a few times i was scared for my life. I have gotten help and am seeing a therapist to deal with the trauma and will recover fully. Thank you all again and god bless.

This may be my last post as of tomorrow I may go to jail for protecting 3 innocent kids from an abusive father. If I don't come back her tomorrow sometime then i will have been placed in jail for a few months and will not be back til after the first of the year. Please keep my family and me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow as i go infront of the judge. May the gods show some mercy and do whats right. Love and light to all, Vampiraskiss25