So I was headed to work this morning and I was running late. I had the cruise set at 80mph and I crested a hill and there sits a cop running his radar.
Needless to say, he lights me up and I get pulled over.
Cop walks up and says "what's the rush... Where you headed in such a hurry"?
"I'm late for work" I say
Officer Douche says "oh yeah, what do you do?
"I work down at the hospital" I say "Im a rectum stretcher".
"What in the fuck is a rectum stretcher"? Barney Fife asks me.
"Well" I say, "I start by sliding one finger up, then 2, then 3 until eventually I get my whole hand in there and I just keep working it and stretching it until it's about 6 feet wide".
"6 feet"?! The cop said. "What in the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole"?
"You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a hill"
I have court on Thursday.
