PRETTYMERATE and FAN b4 u add meplzz's blog: "Me!"

this is for someone (you know who you are)... Wish I could be the one The one who could give you love The kind of love you really need Wish I could say to you That I'll always stay with you But baby that's not me You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do Oh I could say that I'll be all you need But that would be a lie I know I'd only hurt you I know I'd only make you cry I'm not the one you're needing I love you, goodbye I hope someday you can Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you I don't really wanna go But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be Who'll give you something better Than the love you'll find with me Oh I could say that I'll be all you need But that would be a crime I know I'd only hurt you I know I'd only make you cry I'm not the one you're needing I love you, goodbye Leaving someone when you love someone Is the hardest thing to do When you love someone as much as I love you Oh I don't wanna leave you Baby it tears me up inside But I'll never be the one you're needing I love you, goodbye Baby, its never gonna work out I love you, goodbye.......

I've always been sure about who and what I am. First, a female. Next, a Filipino. It's often said that our culture defines what we are. How we see ourselves is more likely how other people will see us. We're a sunny kind of people. We laugh at hard times and we smile in spite of everything. The typical Filipino is more likely to take an optimistic view of things, even if things are really bad. One of our better traits is our ability to laugh at ourselves. We'd laugh even if it's ourselves we're laughing at. Though we're a very mixed race, everything we do is distinctly Filipino. Our identity almost always shows wherever we are. Here are some of the things which can determine a true Filipino: 1. You point with your lips. 2. You eat using hands and you have it down to a technique. 3. Your other piece of luggage is a “balikbayan” box. 4. You nod upwards to greet someone. 5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating. 6. You think that half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy. 7. You have to kiss your relative on the cheek as soon as you enter the room. 8. You're standing next eight big boxes at the airport. 9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants for “souvenirs". 10. You smile for no reason. 11. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly. 12. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices. 13. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days. 14. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer. 15. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table. 16. You like bowling. 17. You know how to play “pusoy” and “mah-jong”. 18. You find dried up morsels of rice stuck on your shirt. 19. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun. 20. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," Bhoy," "Rhon." 21. You put hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV. 22. Your middle name is your mother’s maiden name. 23. You like everything imported or "state-side." 24. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying. 25. You hang your clothes out to dry. 26. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees. 27. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events. 28. You always offer food to all your visitors. 29. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom." 30. You say "for take out" instead of "to go" 31. You say "open" or "close" the light. 32. You ask for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen." 33. You ask for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste." 34. You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref". 35. You say "kodakan" instead of take a picture. 36. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger". 37. You say "Ha" instead of "What." 38. You say "Hoy" to get someone’s attention. 39. You answer when someone yells "Hoy." 40. You turn around when someone says "Psst" 41. You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish." 42. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa. 43. You say "aray" instead of "ouch." 44. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo." 45. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA: for over acting or "TNT" for, well, you know. 46. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner. 47. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out." 48. You use a "walis ting-ting" or "walis tambo" as opposed to a conventional broom. 49. You use a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in the living room wall. 50. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room. 51. You own a karaoke system. 52. You own a piano that no one ever plays. 53. You have a “tabo” in the bathroom. 54. Your house has too many “burloloys”. 55. You have two to three pairs of sleepers at your doorstep. 56. Your house has an ornate wrought iron gate in front of it. 57. You have a rose garden. 58. You have a shrine of the "Santo Niño" in your living room. 59. You have a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. Schwing...) 60. You cover the living room furniture with bed sheets. 61. Your lamp shades still have the plastic cover on them. 62. You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house. 63. You refer to your VCR as a "betamax." 64. You have a rice dispenser. 65. You own a turbo broiler. 66. You own one of those fiber optic flower lamps. 67. You own a lamp with oil that drips down the strings. 68. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room. 69. You have a giant wooden “tinikling” dancer on the wall. 70. You have “capiz” shells chandeliers, lamps, or placemats. 71. You have a Mercedes Benz and you call it "chedeng." 72. You own a huge van conversion. 73. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it is in reverse. 74. Your car horn can make 2 or 3 different sounds. 75. Your car has curb feelers or curb detectors. 76. Your car has too many "burloloys" like Jeepneys back in P.I. 77. You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror. 78. You have an air freshener in your car. 79. You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy." 80. You were raised to believe that every Filipino is a relative. 81. Your Dad was in the Navy. 82. Your mom or sister or wife is a nurse. 83. You have a family member or relative that works in the Post Office. 84. Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" or "ma" and "pa." 85. You have family member that has a nickname that repeats itself, i.e."Deng-Deng," Ling-Ling" or "Bing-Bing" 86. You put hot dogs in your spaghetti. 87. You consider “dilis” the Filipino equivalent to French fries. 88. You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal. 89. You order thing like “tapsilog”, “tosilog”, or “longsilog” at restaurants. 90. You instinctively grab a toothpick after each meal. 91. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda." 92. You dip bread in your morning coffee. 93. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as "Ajinomoto." 94. Your cupboards are full of Spam, Vienna Sausage, Ligo, and Corned Beef, which you refer to as Carne Norte. 95. Goldilocks means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale. 96. You appreciate a fresh pot of rice. 97. You bring your "baon" most of the time to work. 98. Your "baon" is usually something over rice. 99. Your neighbors complain about the smell of “tuyo” on Sunday mornings. 100. You eat rice for breakfast. 101. You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.

"Life is simple, you make decisions and you never look back". This one may seem really hard to pull off for the sentimentals but this is where self-growth starts. You try to take over your life and steer it to wherever you like, may it be the way to self-destruction or self-aggrandizement. My life is one crazy ride, driven haphazardly and enjoyed enormously - which not to mean it is a 365-day circus, year in year out, at times I also get covered with clouds. This is when my sense of the absurd kicks in. The more I feel stressed out and troubled or just plain languorous, the more I indulge myself. So when you see me pigging out in a restaurant alone, its either I'm overwhelmed with problems or I'm celebrating something monumental. These moments are so sacred I want to devoutly savor every nanosecond of it without the distractions of others. I am vampirical. I feast on my own pain. When I am down, I don’t blurt it out. I believe that we are all the walking wounded, my pain is no worse than yours. Save yourself from the inconvenience of pulling those I-Feel-Sorry-For-You-I-Know-How-It-Feels face. You wouldn’t hear me keen my own troubles, and besides, you are nowhere near to getting known how it feels. You are not me. I pick myself up, dust off and walk on. What else is there to do? When you want to talk about your troubles (applicable only to my friends), say it. But be posted. I am not the type who tells only what you want to hear, I don’t dish out false hopes and give cloudy assurances. Brace yourself and hear me lash out the truth. These are the moments when emotions only impede and blur the truth, so you go and listen to my cold, objective judgment. I don’t care if it’s gonna be like a Saline solution on an open wound. You're my friend. And I'll bang your head and shake some sense into you. When you feel like crying, here's my shoulder. Just don’t put any snot on my shirt. When you see me walking alone, the last thing I wanna evoke is your sense of pity. Believe me, I may have this 'forlorn' look written all over my face and a particular gauche way, but I’m not as aggrieved as I appear. I’m enjoying the moment. I just don’t talk much, because my mind is too busy processing all the data I gather from my outside world. I'm taciturn but respect my silence, for this is when my mind is gauging your personality, your sincerity and YOU. When I throw you a compliment, believe it. I don’t flatter, it will get me nowhere. And if you doubt my judgment or think I am just buttering you up, then I start to see you as a real Loser. You will never hear me say the compliment again. People who play themselves down radiate an aura of negativity and this is when my admiration turns into pity - pity for your poor self-worth and image. I’m not asking you to bask in the light of my admiration, just take it, believe and walk tall, you don’t have to scratch my back. I can manage that myself. I invest on my mind. I feel unfairly treated when there's no new book on my bedside. I feel left out and dumb. There's just so much to learn. Nothing more sonorously announces a scintillating mind than a love affair with books. If I know you read, I feel a sense of attachment. Accept my respect. I love smart talk, speak your mind, not others, no matter how good your diction is, it will still sound premeditated and insincere. I love witty riposte but when you throw wisecracks every 5 seconds, you don’t need me, you need a stage, a microphone and some Drag Queens as back ups. I will not fall victim to your 'out-pompousing' stint. Go and hear yourself talk. When I'm reading and someone approaches me, I drop my book and chat up. My credo is “Humans over Books". I will not shoo you away like a disapproving old hag, but when you cheese me off and you start hearing me answer in monosyllabic words (in worse cases, a nod and a grunt), be humane enough to leave me with my book. My masochism has its limitation. Remember prosaic is not an anti-depressant drug. I don’t choose friends, I’ve dined out with ‘multi-millionaires’ and successfuls, but at the end of the day, they are all just hardworking freaks who scrimp on themselves to save up and dress up in fancy and extortionate clothes not for their sense of well-being but to impress other people. They are slave-driven by commercialism, that must be awfully tiring.. I enjoy time with our school's security guard and our school cafeteria's manangs much as I enjoy with showbiz personalities (even the word 'personalities' doesn’t ring true all the time, they just take a lot of looking after themselves, pardon me for the parentheticals). This is how I stratify my friends: Outer circle: They are my nodding acquaintances, a simple nod and a sincere 'What have you been doing?' or "It's been ages!" and a minute or so of catching up to each other's lives. Middle Circle: My drinking buddies, block mates, the recipients of my friendly banters, and sometimes off-colour humour. They occasionally see the loony part of me. Inner Circle: My confidantes, they know me inside out, one time or another, I have vomited up my soul in front of them, and they are the 'indispensables'.