xxSEXITEXANxx's blog: "ME"

When the hours of Day are numbered, And the voices of the Night Wake the better soul, that slumbered, To a holy, calm delight; Ere the evening lamps are lighted, And, like phantoms grim and tall, Shadows from the fitful firelight Dance upon the parlor wall; Then the forms of the departed Enter at the open door; The beloved, the true-hearted, Come to visit me once more; He, the young and strong, who cherished Noble longings for the strife, By the roadside fell and perished, Weary with the march of life! They, the holy ones and weakly, Who the cross of suffering bore, Folded their pale hands so meekly, Spake with us on earth no more! And with them the Being Beauteous, Who unto my youth was given, More than all things else to love me, And is now a saint in heaven. With a slow and noiseless footstep Comes that messenger divine, Takes the vacant chair beside me, Lays her gentle hand in mine. And she sits and gazes at me With those deep and tender eyes, Like the stars, so still and saint-like, Looking downward from the skies. Uttered not, yet comprehended, Is the spirit's voiceless prayer, Soft rebukes, in blessings ended, Breathing from her lips of air. Oh, though oft depressed and lonely, All my fears are laid aside, If I but remember only Such as these have lived and died!

The day is done, and the darkness Falls from the wings of night, As a feather is wafted downward From an eagle in his flight. I see the lights of the village Gleam through the rain and the mist, And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me That my soul cannot resist: A feeling of sadness and longing, That is not akin to pain, And resembles sorrow only As the mist resembles the rain. Come, read to me some poem, Some simple and heartfelt lay, That shall soothe this restless feeling, And banish the thoughts of day. Not from the grand old masters, Not from the bards sublime, Whose distant footsteps echo Through the corridors of Time. For, like strains of martial music, Their mighty thoughts suggest Life's endless toil and endeavor; And to-night I long for rest. Read from some humbler poet, Whose songs gushed from his heart, As showers from the clouds of summer, Or tears from the eyelids start; Who, through long days of labor, And nights devoid of ease, Still heard in his soul the music Of wonderful melodies. Such songs have power to quiet. The restless pulse of care, And come like the benediction That follows after prayer. Then read from the treasured volume The poem of thy choice, And lend to the rhyme of the poet The beauty of thy voice. And the night shall be filled with music And the cares, that infest the day, Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs, And as silently steal away.

To say you are my world means: That when I look at the sky I see your face, And when I pause alone at the window I feel your hands on my back. It means: That the beauty of a garden Is half in the words I think to you; That winter is my fear of losing you, And that spring is the hope I never will. It means: That I have taken the risk of wrapping my life So completely around yours That the beauty of a late summer evening is Inseparable from the beauty of our love.

The chance of happiness equals the risk of pain. Whenever you love, it's too good to be true. Even so, it's truer than you believe, Nor will you know till it vanishes again. Time is a sea which opens where you cleave Yet roils over what you leave behind. For now, my love sings in the stars, Or hisses against rocks like the sea, Unraveling your life when you pause to grieve, Returning with the sunlight, with the rain.

Be gentle: What you're holding is my heart. Remember in your honesty my pride. If you don't want to see me, please don't hide The truth, yet tell it with some art. Though you may not have asked for me to call, A single leap of hope must be allowed. Not easily are shy songs sung out loud. Yet now I wait alone outside your wall.

Everybody's got sunsets to see Everybody's got places they want to be Everybody's got mountains to climb Everybody's got memories of a different time Everybody's got love in their life Everybody's got things that didn't go right Everybody's got times when they see nothing but rain Everybody's got times when they have nothing but pain Everybody's got things they have to do on the run Everybody's got things they like to do for fun Everybody's got a place where no one else has ever been Everybody's got things that are just for them Everybody's got a place that's dark and full of fright Everybody's got a place that's bright and full of light Everybody's got things that they have lost along the way Everybody's got things that were bad so they through them away Everybody's got things that they do best Everybody's got things that will put you to the test Everybody's got something that they feel strongly about Everybody's got something that makes them shout Everybody's got something they want to hide Everybody's got something they like to ride Everybody's got a song they like to sing Everybody's got something good that they can bring Everybody's got times when they feel sad Everybody's got times when they feel glad Everybody's got battles they have to fight Everybody's got friends that are really tight Everybody's got times when they laugh and have fun Everybody's got times when their work is all done Everybody's got all these things and I do too Everybody don't have what I have, because I have you

I look into the mirror, and what do I see? a sad girl staring back at me, she cant even look herself in the eyes, tears well up, but she won't let me cry, I couldn't take the world anymore, that's what I thought when I locked the bathroom door, The girl in the mirror, isn't me, at least not what I used to be, this strange girl wore all black, even the vibrant colors of my face, she now lacked, so many cuts and white scars, when the pain of life went to far, the smile I used to always wear, gone unnoticed, and disappeared All there is on her face, is anger and fear, I didn't want to do this, but she's making me do it, on the bathtub ledge, she forces me to sit, there's a razor blade in my hand, where'd THAT come from, I shouldn't do this, my body's already numb, turning the fauset, and the tub fills, the water is so cold, sending chills, I knew what was going on, but couldn't do anything about it, my body wouldn't respond, but inside, I was having a fit, sinking into the water clothes and all, I felt like a drenched puppet doll, The razor at my fingertips, I close my eyes and bite my lip, This girl knew she was going to die, I can feel her start to cry, placing the menacing blade to her wrist, I thought of all the things I'm going to miss, I feel the blade deep inside my arm, I scream inside, the anger within her, will no longer hide, the deed is done, my arms are sliced, this girl doesn't care at what price, I stare down into the water, I can see red, the room is spinning, shouldn't I be dead? someones' banging loud on the bathroom door, I'm getting colder, down the core, the person beyond the lock is calling her name, and began to scream when no answer came, this body is getting numb, my heart beat echoes like a drum, my head leaned back, staring up at the ceiling, while my mind is ringing, the locked door is busted down, I feel like I'm about to drown, there is a boy standing staring sorrow and desperation burning in his eyes falling to his knees, he begins to cry, it's to late for the girl lying there, dead, no memory to share, I'm no longer here, see? Life isn't always fair

I sit here awake, i cannot sleep i think about this feeling in my heart that i keep i close my eyes and still i see a picture of tomorrow with u and me i don't know why i feel this way i try to come up with the words to say to express myself to show whats inside my thought of you i don't want to hide the magic i feel when I'm with you something that seems too good to be true I'm falling in love cant you see? i wonder if you will ever fall in love with me only time can tell if this is real the happiness you and i feel but i care about you, I'm falling in love is this a gift, or a test from above?

How can I know so surely that I'll love you No matter what the future has in store? Time is like a cave in which our torches Show only the circumference of our minds. But love is will far more than it is passion, Though passion may at first sustain the will. One chooses love the way one chooses faith Because that is the way that heaven lies. My love for you is vaster than the ocean, More rich in loveliness than coral seas. I could no more relinquish it than let go Willingly the precious gift of life.

I am afraid to love, and yet I love you. My fear is like a wall I walk right through. The wall is there, and yet it doesn't stop me. I need it still, and yet I still need you. I know someday we will be in a field Surrounded by the blessing of the sky. I'll dance with all the freedom of pure joy, Needing you without a reason why. But now I'm still afraid that I might lose you, That you might not accept my desperate need. You make me laugh and cry and be completely. You are the flower, I the slender reed.