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I don't want anyone to think i am writting this about anyone in particular, but i am and he knows who. i just know that love and life is not fair to everyone. i am in love with a wonderful man and i know that he loves me with all of his heart so why am i so afraid of hurting him and losing him or him doing the same to me and walking away. i know i was once told that if you love something set it free if it comes back it was meant to be and yes i once reworded it to fit how i feel if you love something set it free if it comes back love it more fiercely then you love yourself. well i have done that and i have loved more fiercely then i ever have before and i see that i am the one that suffers more and more each day because of this, i turned love away so many times and i have been hurt so many times that i sometimes don't see what i have till it is too late and i have a problem trusting when i know that i am the one that is in his heart and that he wants to be a family with me and my son but yet i am so afraid to let my heart fully open and to fully trust him. i know he will read this and he will question me about this but if he really knows me the way that he thinks then he should know what i have told him is true that i will always love him no matter what and that i want to marry him when my divorce is final and i am able to get married again. i will love no other the way that i love him. i made a page for him once but it's down but not by my doing but the site i was on is down for now. i lie awake each night and i think why do i hurt so much when i am loved so much by him. why do i feel that everyday that he's slippinmg way more and more from me i guess it is because i am a fool to let anyone get too close to me when i know that i have the one that will love me for the rest of my life. No one has loved me the way that he does and i know i have so much love to give him in return if i can just get over my trust issues. why can't life be simple you get older and fall in love and then get married and stay with that person for the rest of your life? why can't i just stop feeling like i will be hurt again sometime down the road? No two people are the same no one is like my soon to be ex husband who tore my trust apart almost two years ago and three times before that. i know that he is not like him nor ever will be like him. i just wish that i can make him see that he's the only one i want to have in my life the one that told me even if i went blind or wound up in a wheelchair that when he did too we would have wheelchair races to see who would win. i love him with all my heart and soul and no matter what i always will. i love you always and forever and a day babe.
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