Why does it happen to me?? Why do I ALWAYS want someone I can't have, need someone that is not near or get used by someone for no reason? Is it really karma coming back to get me after all the wrong doing I have done in my life. Is this payback for all the pain I out my parents in for no reason other then pure selfish ones? I often wonder.
But then I think why am I so bothered by all this? WHAT am I looking for/ wanting or expecting out of men or relationships in general? Am I looking for that never ending, euphoric love that everyone sees in movies and on TV? Here is an odd question, how often does that ever really last? Sure you meet someone, you fall in love, you lose your mind basically, then you decide to make a decision to spend the rest of your life together. Then after the kids come, and the mortgage and bills you have somehow fallen out of love and its now a routine. Its just a great pair of shoes that you can't live without but sometimes wish were new and shiney again. You then realize you've come to resent the shoes cause you aren't as happy now with them as yuo were when you first saw them. You then start tossing them around and are unhappy. After you get caught trying on other shoes, you end up going to court and all of this cost you the whole fucking closet you kept them in!....
So here is the question: Why buy the pair of shoes you can't live without instead of buying the shoes YOU know you will keep forever and are comfortable?
My friend and I recently have had many discussions on what marriage and happily ever after is suppose to be. I have been fighting to fight for love and happiness and he's fight is for common sense and security. Are we suppose to find that ONE soul mate or the ONE person that will put up with all of our bullshit and still be there in the morning? I have officially given up on that right person bullshit. Not to say that there isn't the right person out there for someone, but for me there isnt'. I have dated enough men to know that trust, honesty and hard work is the best almost anyone can do nowadays. Who said you have to be HEAD over heels for someone to marry then when really you end up losing that eventually anyway. Why not marry that ONE person that knows exactly who you are and still loves you. That person that knows you can be moody and bitchy, sometimes mean spirited and yet has the balls to tell you that you are full of shit?? Why not marry someone that can give up soo many things for you and you both take a leap of faith in eternal happiness. Why not marry someone that loves the idea of getting married on Halloween and have the bridal party dressed us vampires and dead girls?
So if I have someone like that am I crazy to NOT marry them or is it even more crazy to hold out for something that 1. Might not ever happen. B. won't last forever and 3. might not be all you think it is?
