Monkey Butter's blog: "JOKES, JOKES AND MORE JOKES"

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK: NUMBER 5: "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen." NUMBER 4 : "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to." NUMBER 3 : "Whew!? Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!" NUMBER 2: "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?" And the NUM BER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: (Raising your head slowly) "... in Jesus' name, Amen

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The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now, dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused. "Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over?"

There was a Mississippi redneck and a Louisiana Cajun, fishing on their respective sides of the Mississippi river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the Cajun was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!" "Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yelled back. The Cajun replied, "Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"

Dee Dee Dee Song

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm." "Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

did you hear thsat elaina bobbet moved to Germany and changed her name... its now elaina cutoffacock

It's the time of the Old West. A citizen of the town comes running into the saloon and screams, "Big Bad Bart is coming! Big Bad Bart is coming! We gotta get outta town." Everyone gets up in a hurry and takes off as fast as they can, including the saloonkeeper, who when hopping over the bar slips on a beer and knocks himself unconscious. When he comes to, he makes his way outside to see the biggest, meanest man he's ever seen riding down the center of the town on two buffaloes, whipping them with a rattlesnake screaming, "Giddyup! Let's go, come on." He makes his way over to the saloonkeeper, dismounts, and enters the saloon. Breaking both doors off the hinges while entering, he walks up to the bar, slams his fist down, breaking the bar in half and hollers, "Gimme some beer in a gallon jug." After the saloonkeeper hands him the jug, he watches as the man drinks it in three seconds flat. When he's done with his drink, the man turns around to walk out the door. The saloonkeeper couldn't believe his eyes and wanted to see him do it again. He asks him, "Don't you want another beer?" The man turns around and says, "Heck no, Big Bad Bart is coming! I gotta get outta town!"

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I driving?"