Interests
The good old days of NASCAR!
http://www.nascar.com/drivers/dps/akulwick00/cup/data/1992/index.html
Medical Terms
Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by
We all know those cute little computer symbols called
"emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(_/_) a Liposuctioned ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Tax MAN.....what happened?!?!?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule.
Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat.
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think.
Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries, then Tax his tears.
Tax all he has, Then let him know, That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers, Then tax him some more,
Tax him till He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb, "Taxes drove me
to my doom."
When he's gone, Do not relax, Its time to apply the inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax, CDL license Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel permit tax, Gasoline Tax,
Hunting License Tax, Interest expense Inventory tax, IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Taxes, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge taxes, Social Security Tax, Road usage taxes, Sales Tax, Recreational Vehicle Tax, School Tax,
State Income Tax (Not in the state of Texas - but the sales tax is 8.25% and rising! Four other states do not have state income taxes.)
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone federal excise tax, Telephone federal universal service fee tax,
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes,
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax,
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax,
Telephone state and local tax, Telephone usage charge tax,
Utility Taxes, Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax
What happened?
And I still have to "press 1" for English
