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225666's blog: "general"

created on 10/23/2006  |  http://fubar.com/general/b16918

cheated on!!!!!

so i really dont kw how to feel about what happened while i was gone i am utterly heartbroken,infuriated,revengfull,cold incredibly hurt and totally unsure of how to feel or if i can actually feel.... she cheated on me in the worst possible way almost fuckin another guy and doin all the steps up to the big one SEX. god..... i am so lost right now and in soooooo much pain. am i the only one with a concience, with a clear definition of right and wrong with morals????? wtf is wrong with people that they cant be loyal or honest or truthful.... what happened to the good ol days when a man and a women were loyal and faithfull to one another...... god i wish it was like that........

a man apart

I just dont get it i cant feel a thing..... The emotions that others feel i seem incabable of feeling at least not to the extent that they do. All i feel is a satisfaction that whoever it was paid the price for fucking with me. god im so fucked up i am such an asshole to people.WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME !!!!  I just want to be normal like the rest of humanity.

NAVY NEWS

well It seems like forever since Ive updated this site so thought id let everyone know what im up to these days. I'm done w/ bootcamp and now in ABE "A" school. Ive Got another 2 wks until i head out to my next command. other then that not much else happening we/ me just trying to finish up my school strong.

A rant

ok first off I really don't give a damn what people label me. what does piss me of is stereotyping me. yea I'm goth get over it but I'm not depressed violent etc. I am myself damn it so fuck everybody else.no I won't conform to what you want me to be!!! love me or hate me cause this darkness is me and I have chosen it willingly. for all that presume to know me you are the same people who judge me so fuck you.
you know this has been a good thing for me it has taught me so much about myself.it has taught me that I'm a man of great emotion and that I can hate or love with all of my soul.and it has shown me that i really don't need to give a damn wat other people think about me.I'm my own person and you can either love me or hate me i really don't give a damn which.it's kinda funny too cause most of what i've learned wouldn't have happened if kira hadn't come into my life,so i guess you could say that was a good thing kinda and a bad thing too.
you know its kinda funny,all the things that she made a big deal bout don't matter anymore like me gettin my drivers licence by the end of december,or me askin her to senior prom a certain way. the other thing to is y does she have to be so damn confusing and keep tryin to sneak looks my way.I have had to learn to live without her and so should she cause I'm never taking her back ,not after all she's done to me.

"Nightmare" - a short story

Nightmare Here I am stumbling through the hell you cast me into, can’t tell if this is a dream or reality. Finding myself at the edge of a precipice I try to turn back to safety only to be stopped dead in my tracks by the sight of an exceedingly beautiful ghostly young woman standing in my path as if simply waiting for me to notice her. she beckons for me to follow her and I do hoping that perhaps she knows the way out of here. she leads me through towns and villages, through forests and jungles. All eerily devoid of life, even in the towns there’s not a soul to be found. The shops empty of shoppers, inns without renters. no signs of life at all were to be seen or heard. I grow increasingly uneasy as each town and forest we pass through is the same. My questions continue to be unanswered adding to the continued eeriness of all this. she seems either unable or unwilling to speak at all. She continues on until we reach the crest of a hill. She stops and motions for me to do the same finally she breaks the silence by turning to me and saying “we are not far from our destination, do not falter now for we have little time left” then she sets off along the trail again. my questions on what our destination is and what she meant by saying we have little time left yield the same almost stubborn silence on her part. We continue down the hill and enter a deserted cemetery. I catch sight of one of the tombstones and nearly jump out of my skin for engraved on it is my name and this very day for the date of death. seeing that she has lost me my ghostly guide rushes back to where I am standing and motions impatiently for me to follow her, repeating again that we have little time to spare. Finally we reach the end of the cemetery but rather then exiting it by the gate she leads me to a tall imposing building that looks like a mausoleum with its immensely tall pillars and massive stone doors. only difference was the sign on the door which simply said museum. what kind of museum could it be that was hidden away in a deserted cemetery? I had no chance as my guide stepped up to a small side door which seemed to fly open even before she laid her hand on it to knock. it closed immediately once she had entered but repeated the same routine when I stepped up to it .she had waited for me to join her and once I had immediately set off deeper into the museum leading me through grand halls full of a multitude of exhibits. She kept up a hurried pace not allowing me to examine them in detail but what few I could seemed to tell the story of a young man falling in love with a girl. finally we reached what seemed to be the curators ,again she spoke little saying only “enter”. I walked through the doorway and turned to see if my guide was following. Expecting to see the same beautiful ghostly young woman, instead I saw a daemon standing in her place wearing the visage and countenance of my worst enemy. It lunged at me trying to capture its prey, but I dodged its grasping claws causing it to go sprawling across the curators desk. It lay there for a second seemingly stunned that I had evaded its grasp so nimbly. I took the opportunity to me and fled back into the museum hoping to escape it. Only once did I look back to see if it was following me and saw the young woman again instead. my only thought as I continued to flee was that it must be able to change states at will when I finally got to the exit the side door had vanished leaving only the two massive doors that looked like they hadn’t been opened in centuries. all of the sudden I was whipped around by my right shoulder to face the young woman again who had caught up to me finally. Sparing no words she plunged her hand into my chest, grabbed my heart and threw it on the ground still beating. Only then did I realize what had been so hauntingly familiar about the exhibits and the story they told. this was my story, this museum my collection of memories of the girl I thought I had been in love with.

this hatred of mine

no one else could have taught me wat I've learned from you. you have taught me a hatred so pure so consuming ,so dark. you have given me something to hate w/ all my being,with all of myself.my soul has been given to the utter hatred of you and every moment I spent with you,to the hatred of everything about you.this is not a murderous rage but a subtle poision I've been given invading every part of me causing death wherever it touches,only giving new life through this utter and so pure hatred of mine.

my story with my ex

we had 5 1/2 months of good times and fun dates then 3 1/2 weeks ago she started deleting me off of the websites we were friends on,when I asked her bout all the stuff online she denied that it was her. that should have been my first clue that things were messed up. then I asked her 2 weeks ago about it again on friday of that week and on sunday and she still denied it was her.then she chose to fuck me over more and ignore me and break up w/ me that way. so she's not only a fucking bitch but also a damn coward too. so yet again I get fucked over.thats my story of "our" bullshit story.
life is fucked up and full of pain and chaos but that has taught me alot about life and people in general. because of all the shit I've been through. as such I really don't really like people in general, they will always let you down when you need them,they will betray you if it serves their purpose ,and generally aren't trustworthy. they are the only things I've known the two big things that have been my driving force in life and gotten me through this life has been my anger and the pain I have suffered. I've tried to learn wat I can from all of the pain. I am not a man of second chances so if you totally fuck me over or start shit behind my back or anything like that know this I will never give you another chance.this applies especially to my ex's who have done shit to me. you had your fucking chance and you blew it.so go find somebody else who gives a fuck bout it.I really don't give a shit wat the hell you think of me. as for love with all I've been through its out there but not for me I always get fucked over every time I think I'm in love so I guess you could say my views on it are that it isn't worth all the bullshit.
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