Icarus's blog: "Somantics"

Thar be donuts.
Nuts of dough.
Oliebollen.

What most americans would call "fritters".

So, I thought to myself one day "man, I sure could go for some cake donuts" but there's always that

chance
that awful chance that they're day old, factory SHIT
or some promo cake donut for some season >>

and I wanted
-plain- as in vanilla.

So I get online, knowing I had all the ingredients but not the knowledge of proportions

here's how I work

1.5 cups water (some people say milk... meh)
1.5 sugar (white granulated)
2 flour (all purpose is fine, though I'm curious about using low protein and cake)
1 tablespoon of baking powder
salt (like... a teaspoon)
1 egg.

Flavorant!!! (I just used a tablespoon of vanilla coffee creamer... srsly)

Now, online the general cake donut recipe has
nutmeg
cinnamon
powdered sugar

... FAH! *flips over table*
Vanilla!

Stop fucking that up! That is not "plain cake" that's cinn/sug.

Alright?
Alfuckingright then!

Mix by hand or spoon
bout the consistency of pancake batter
oh wait
it IS pancake batter :/
Mindfuck huh?

Put about a pint-quart of neutral high heat oil in a dutch oven or cast iron pan (use less oil, but you'll cap out on how many donuts you can make at a time) the important thing is that you have a little over an inch of cooking media.

Get the pan to 375 or thereabouts

and
take 2 big metal serving spoons
and with one- make a decent sized scoop- use the other as a partial lid- and gently place the spoon into the oil and scrape any remaining goo into the ball of dough in the heat.

Oh
but what about baking sheets and... dough, and rolling, and kneading and isn't the batter too wet!?
FEH!!!!
*Flips over already flipped over table*
Its fine put it in the fucking oil!!!

Wait until you can see GBD on the downside- flip, and listen for a similar sound of subsided bubbling when you flip her over.

... right
I didn't get my stopwatch out

You're gonna have to do this one by sense.
You can always pull an edge up and peek at the doneness, but you want something... between wheat-tan and BROWN
I like crunchies and roasted flavors, so- I go brown.

Bubbling does change sound when sauteing, frying, deep frying is "done" or at least not as productive and enthusiastic as it started.
From years of watching videos, blogging, or playing video games while cooking (seriously- I do at least 2 things at once at home- I get that bored) I've kinda developed an internal timer from the sound and smell. It also helps that seriously- my computer is four fucking feet from my oven.
Lols
Small fucking house.

You can get about 5 fist sized donuts in a batch.
I can get about 11-14 out of the whole mixture.

I always knick 1 from the first two batches its a ... doneness/quality check.

And... hot donuts.
Oh my GOD!

FRESH donuts.

If you've never had em- doing this
right now
its in your best interest I swear.

It combines everything you love about the smell of funnel cake and the taste of... awesome.

My mom has to buy a dozen glazed donuts at crispy creme every time she sees the light on.
That and she lives in BFE so... she'll only get em like twice a year.
Point is- fresh dozens are miles and worlds apart from even hour old donuts or cool ones.
My first love was plain cake donuts made within 15 minutes at daylight donuts downtown indy.
The bitch I cheated on her with and eventually left her for were the apple fritters that come ONCE a year at Neewollah. Hot, buttery, crispy, cakey, and plastered with cinnamon and sugar.

So...
moving on
to the exploding portion of the show-

Cake donut batter
is pancake batter.
Pancake batter
is waffle batter
waffle batter
is funnel cake batter

What's true of ALL of these batters?
They go great with:
syrup (oh yeah)
Powdered sugar
Peanut butter (call me a heretic but me and grampa loved this stuff)
jam
jelly
preserves
any time of the day
cinnamon
berries
...

...

berries...

........
berries EXPLODE in deep frying...
Due to the water content and the fragility of the cells...

But dried fruit ...
dried fruit has no such weakness.

So I dumped about a cup and a half of raisins into my most recent batter

and I put in a teaspoon of cinnamon

and I wish I had used some brown sugar or maple syrup instead of sugar (because they behave pretty damn similar sometimes) or even better
honey

but

The results?

...

If they weren't invented before
I'd like to introduce you all to "Raisin cake donuts".

You bet your ass I'm gonna try this with dried blueberries cherries and cranberries eventually.

The surface raisins come out a bit... leathery but not to where you stop eating.

This combines everything good about donuts
with raisin cookies. (not raisin oatmeal cookies- we're still working that one out)

but I imagine anything that's "mostly sugar" or can "substitue sugar" as a sweetener
IE preserves, honey or syrups
...
yeah I'd go ahead and use em in a donut batter >>

Too bad I've been out of honey for 3 months.

I'm already working on an idea for an orange licquer and preserves mix.

If apple fritters are possible, and pumpkin donuts/pancakes are awesome... and hell- daylight donuts has strawberry cake donuts
I'm willing to bet banana nut bread donuts (...I wonder how walnuts behave)
and red velvet donuts are possible.

...
they wouldn't be red any more though.

hmmm....
but that does give me an idea for topping fritters with cream cheese icing.

WeeeEEEe!

... oh
Wots3 update- on the duper difficulty, I got both of the "main bosses" super rare weapons and a couple rare gag/joke weapons.

... one of the boss rares is a main character's sword from Wots1.

Its what I call the "windmill of death". And any time its in a game, I go faaaaaar out of my way to get it or a weapon that is modeled after it in technique.

I've already got it fully upgraded, and its only missing one technique.
It is a buzzsaw of murder. Its my second favorite top stance sword. The favorite being one of the boss' swords from 1 (and a MEGA bitch to get in 2).
I'm still disappointed that my favorite sidestance sword is missing from this game.




and according to the wiki >> oliebollen are supposed to be made with dried fruit.
Aw nuts, and I thought I was an innovative son of a bitch.
Hehehe... well I still am :D