Wicked Angel's blog: "Even in death there is love"

My father passed away on sunday oct 5 2008 three days after my birthday he was buried with full military honors in north ga after serving 26 years in the us coast guard even though life has seemed to stop since he passed away and i tell people i know how to "pretend" well life will contuie to go on weither i choose to go out and live it to the fullest or stay at home and cry and boo hoo and stay in bed how ever bad i want to. Now i know it seems weird that a woman of my age would seem that out of wack but if u know me well u would know that my dad and i were extremly close and shared everything I would not be at the point in my life that i am if it wasnt for him and he was my rock. But i know that even though he has passed on he is some where watching over me and my family smiling because we have pulled together to get thru such a hard time and even though he has died life must go on.... thanks for reading my way of venting.... Blessed Be

Sorry I'm so late, but I've been out walking Trying to find a way to tell you What I think you already know I'd never want to hurt you 'cause you know you mean the world to me. But things aren't like they used to be It's time for letting go I wasn't out there looking, but a months ago last tuesday I met someone just like you at a cancer walk And we've been spending time together Yeah, she knows all about you The truth is she can give me What you can't anymore Lookin' back when we first started I never thought I'd see this day If only I could write the pages Our story wouldn't end this way I feel so much better knowing we could have this moment But it looks like it may rain soon and it's getting kind of late I'll always bring your roses each time I come to visit The caretaker's waving, he wants to close the gates Lookin' back when we first started I never thought I'd see this day If only I could write the pages Our story wouldn't end this way If only I could write the pages Our story wouldn't end this way

I miss the look in your eye, the way your hair would fall. I miss the way you would wrap your arms around me and tell me everything was gonna be okay. I miss the way you was always there. but most of all I miss my friend, the one that my heart and soul felt the safest with, the one that knew just what to say to make me smile again. I miss laying my head in your lap watching some old navy movie because you loved those. How we would sit on the window seal and drink coffee and talk about everything didn't matter what as long as we was near each other. I miss the colors you braught into my life, You're golden smile the blue greenish eyes, I miss your voice in lonely times like now telling me everything will be alright. I miss those times, I miss those nights, I even miss our pillow fights, the late after noon walk, the movies we would watch. Now, I sit here and it's almost 2 years since I lost you.. Still, the pain is there. I felt worthless I couldn't stop the pain you was in.. I couldn't take it away from you. The day we had to put you in the ground was the day I lost all my faith. I lost a part of me that I wasn't sure I would ever get back. My world turned to nothing but darkness. I miss my friend, My uncle.... So many things that are left unsaid.. So many things that I want you to see I want you to be there for. Times passes so quickly but I thought you would be here forever.. I never even had a chance to say goodbye. There's so many things to tell you! Left unsaid until now, do you even hear me when I talk to you at night? Do the words I say even make it through? Cause I would give anything if I just knew. Every night I have the same dream the one where you get to hold me, we laugh and talk until the morning and than you vanish.. It always leaves me feeling helpless when I wake up and you're not there. Do you know how much I would love to be there with you? Living in this world without you. I have to search through my memories hopen that I find something that I've passed over. All that I took for granted means so much now. I won't let it go, I wear your chain to remember you it stays around my neck. I never wanted you to leave, I never wanted you to go through the pain you went through.. I remember when I was little I would get off school and you would be there to pick me up.. You would stop everything you was doing just to come get me in the afternoon. We would go home and start a fire and talk about our days, than I would make dinner than we would eat it just sitting around laughing. How I never needed anything because in this world I had everything I had a best friend that was also my uncle.. I had you, the one that could make me smile. I miss you more than you will ever know. It's hard to go on day after day knowing I can't see you, knowing when I need someone so much that you're not here. Having to be so strong knowing down deep inside I'm not by far...

I remember Sunday mornings walking on the beach And that place we'd stop for breakfast with the old red vinyl seats The hours of the tide chart The way the sunlight dance upon your face That antique roller coaster you just had to ride I remember how you laughed at the terror in my eyes The color and the detail Just like it was yesterday And I remember how you held me the night my cat died I didn't have to tell you I just broke down and cried You're sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life And I just can't remember why we said goodbye Up and down this boardwalk lonely people sit I know it wasn't perfect but nothin' ever is The sails out in the harbor Are searching for the wind I wish I could call you, I want to hear your voice And tell you I still love you and I'll never forget you You're sewn into the fabric, the pieces of my life And I just can't remember why we said goodbye Everything I do Leads back to you I know I just can't let you go There must have been a reason, but I can't remember now I know if I see you things would be alright You're sewn into the fabric the pieces of my life And Im really gonna miss you Cause I just can't remember why we said goodbye

It's late at night and I can't sleep, its too hard so I stay awake and try to think. but when you hold me the way you do, I have no choice but to fall in love with you.. It's late at night. Sometimes it hurts so bad, when I think about all the times we've had.. All the memories, that I've had of us together of falling away.. I'm falling too, I'm falling too. it's late at night. Do you think do you see do you even believe in me.. do you feel the same for leaving me to blame for all you're pain. do you think do you see do you even feel the same for leaving me to blame for all your pain. too late to call you have fallen asleep, and falling out of me do you think, do you see do you even believe in me do you feel the same for leaving me to blame for all your pain...

hurt Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were but I walked away If only I knew what I know today I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done Forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't to do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes and see you looking back I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away Oh, it's dangerous It's so out of line to try to turn back time I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself By hurting you

A wise man once told me things that are worth having sometimes are worth fighting for. love isn't easy hell nothing in this world really is to be truthful. still it's the little things sometimes that you have to pay attention to other wise you will miss out on a lot. The little things like having someone to come home to. To be able to hold her have her sleep safely in your arms. Yes, there may be a lot of temptions in this world, but can you honestly give up something like that for a few moments? It's the little moments like that to me that mean the most.

1. Who took your deafult pic? my best friend 2. Exactly what are you wearing right now? sweat pants and a tank top 3. What is your current problem? Sleepy dont feel good 4. What makes you most happy? My children 5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to? Nickelback Saving Me 7. Do you like MTV? yea.. 8. Name something that annoys you about people. WHEN people talk nice to your face and bull shit behind your back ! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1 1. Nickname(s): Wicked, Angel,sweets 2. eye color? blue green ........................................................................................................ Chapter 2: FAMILY 1. Do you live with your parent(s)? Oh no never again 2. Do you get along with your parent(s)? I am a spoiled daddys girl 3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? married going on 37 years 4. Do you have any Siblings?4 SISITERS AND 2 BROS -------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3: FAVORITE 1. Ice Cream: CHOCOLATE and Strawberry 2. season: SUMMER 3.Color(s): ,BLACK BLUE -------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 4: DO YOU- 1. Write on your hand? SOMETIMES 2. Call people back? SOMETIMES LOL 3. Believe in love? yeah 4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? yep, left side. 5. Any mental health issues? what do you think? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 5: Have You... 1. Broken a bone? was a cheerleader of course I did 3. Had physical therapy? yes 4. Gotten stitches? yeah 5. Taken painkillers? yeah 6. heyyyy. how YOU doin? IM here aint I? 7. Been stung by a bee? yeah!! 8. Thrown up at a doctors office? YES 9. Sworn in front of your parents? yeah lol ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 6: Who/what was the last: 1. Movie you saw in the movie theatres? Ghost rider 2. Person to text you? David 3. Person who called you? Wendy 4. Person to tackle you? David. 5. Thing you touched? cell phone 6. Thing you ate? pb and j 7. Thing you said? bye 8. Had a detention? in 9th grade Repost and label as "My Autobiography"

You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends after this! 1. Ever punch someone in the face? 2. How old are you? 3. Are you single or taken? 4. Eat with your hands or utensils? 5. Do you dream at night? 6. Ever seen a corpse? 7. Have you ever wished someone dead? 8. Do You Like Bush, the president? 9. Whats your philosophy on life? and death? 10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know about it, what would it be? 11. Do you trust the police? 12. Do you like country music? 13. what is your fondest memory of me? 14. If you could change anything about yourself would you? 15. Would you date me? 16. What do you wear to sleep? 17. Have you ever peed in a pool? while you were still in it? 18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? 19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? 20. What is your favorite thing about me? 21. Do you think I'm attractive? 22. What's your favorite color? 23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? 24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? 25. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? Repost as INTRODUCE YOURSELF

I can't run anymore, I fall before you, Here I am, I have nothing left, Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am, Take me home, I'm through fighting it, Broken, Lifeless, I give up, You're my only strength, Without you, I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love. I can't run anymore, I give myself to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored, All that's real and true, All I need is you, When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm too alive, And you're too strong, I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love. Constantly ignoring, The pain consuming me, But this time it's cut too deep, I'll never stray again. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love, My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love