I wrote this on my other blog. It was a huge hit, people loved it and such, so I'ma place it here.
Depending on Family
....is like depending on a drugged up alcoholic to become sober in 2 minutes.
Anyone who has ever dealt with the disappointment of a family/family member, can really begin to grasp what I decided to blog about.
I am sure, that if any of you have paid any attention to anything that I say... you'll know that I've talked about how I've disowned my family, or maybe, they disowned me...? I'd like to think I won that battle, so we'll go with the fact that I disowned them =) me=1 family =0. Yes, I used to be the druggie loser of the family, while everyone else is rich, has great jobs, made something of their lives, etc. I am the low-life, so-to-speak. The only people in my family that have come to accept me and the things that I've done in the past, and those whom also know that I've changed drastically in the last 5 years, would be my parents and my only surviving grandparents.
You see, I have the kind of family that are high and mighty on that donkey of theirs... they think they're better than all, religious, financially stable, raised better kids, have better homes and cars, etc. So, at every opportune moment they get... they like to gossip about other family members who haven't had the pleasure of life such as themselves. I happen to be the butt of conversation in my family. Unfortunately... they only talk of my past, and even more unfortunately, they think that I am still that same fuck-up. Because for whatever reason... the people in my family only wish to know what they want to know. I've wasted my precious time and energy trying to prove them all wrong. In fact, only recently did I finally decide to consciously in my mind disown them, and say fuck 'em all. What led up to this mental decision you ask? I'll tell you =)
Ever since I was an infant, I've had this cousin, and ever since day one... we had been the greatest of friends. Nothing could separate us at all. We grew up together, we did everything together. As we got older, she became more successful with life... as I became more successful at failure. But no matter the low points in my life, she was the only person who accepted me, talked to me at all times, hung out with me. She loved me, I could have never asked for a better friend in my life. I told her my deepest secrets, everything.... she was the only person that I could turn to when things went wrong in my life. Ever since we were able to realize what marriage was about... we'd always told each other, that we'd be each others Maid of honor at each other's weddings. As we got older, we kind of grew apart, but we kept in contact... or more likely, I kept in contact. I'd e-mail, or call every so often and fill her in on life. The good, the bad, the ugly. She supported my decisions... whether she thought bad or good of them. She listened.
Who knew that a friendship like this, could end all in one day? Well, it did. This was also the day that I decided my family was nothing but a bunch of snotty, stuck up, close-minded pussies. You see.... I set my cousin up with a guy, that my ex and I knew quite well. He was my ex's best friend... this is an ex-ex-ex by the way =P. It was all my idea, my doing. Who knew I'd set her up with her soul mate! But I did it. 4 years later, I am talking to her on the phone.... and she's babbling about how she wished he'd ask her to marry him already. I told her it would come, don't worry. I also asked her "I'm still your maid of honor, right?" "Of Course!!!!" Those famous lies =) so, you can imagine my excitement when 2 weeks later, she e-mailed the family to say "He asked me to marry him!!!!" I was so happy for her. I called her and told her congrats, told her I was so happy, I'd waited for this day for the longest time! I couldn't wait to hear orders for getting my dress and such!
A few month's later, and no word ( I already knew they had been planning it, my family likes to gossip). My parents decided to have a cook-out. My cousin and her fiancé' showed. I was excited to see her, as I hadn't in a long time. Towards the end, when people were leaving, she started talking about the planning process. I excitedly asked her "And... what will I be doing?!" I had that sparkle in my eye. You know how you feel when you get butterflies? And then all of a sudden you get hit by a semi? I'm sure we have all dealt with that. Yeah, this semi was a bitch, it hurt more than anything. She told me "You'll be doing the "guest book"."
What the FUCK is the GUESTBOOK person to do?????
I sat there, staring at blanks. I didn't say anything, I didn't move. I just looked at her and said "oh" and slightly smiled. I then got up, went into the house, to the bathroom, and cried my fucking eyes out. What the fuck just happened????? You want to know?? Again, I'll tell you... see, a few months before that... her fiancé had gotten into a VERY bad accident. He was in a coma for about a month, I tried my ass off to be able to go see him, and comfort my cousin during the time. I knew she was hurting. So why didn't that happen? Because no one wanted me around... I'm not sure the reason, but every time I tried to help... someone else was already there filling the position. And that person, was my cousin's other best friend, some girl who'd been in her life for a while... but never as long as I had.
She told me that this other girl was going to be her Maid of Honor, because she had been there when her fiancé' was hurt. Oh... that's a great reason... I mean fuck a whole lotta me.... the one who's been here your whole fucking life! The one who set you up with that man that you're marrying! But, who am I? Apparently, a nobody.... or wait, I was a convenience.
After that cook-out. The next day, I decided to e-mail my cousin and tell her how I felt. I let her have it. She e-mailed me back, and what really threw me off, was the fact that all she could say was that she was sorry that I felt that way. She didn't fight it, she didn't beg me... nothing. As if she really didn't give a fuck what I did. I then replied to her, and told her to have a nice life... I won't be attending the wedding.
Well, last minute... I decided to attend. I don't think I could have forgiven myself for not going at all. I sucked up my pride and went. I pretended to have a great time, and left without a word. After the person who I trusted with my entire world, complete fucked me in the ass. I decided that my family is a complete waste of breath. After my grandmother died.. I said that I would never associate with anyone again. And to this day.. I haven't. I plan on keeping it that way. And if I do happen to run into any family while possibly visiting my 2 surviving grandparents... I'll just grunt answers to any of their questions, and look the other way. I don't need any judgmental remarks from people that say they "love you"
So, in turn..... I throw out this advice.... never depend on family. They will screw you in the ass more than anyone.
