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cry for caring

ittycelt: less than a minute ago a suicide attempt isnt a cry for help its a big SHOUT!!! Hey, people, somethings wrong....waake up and pay attention...im not just blue...i want to die...somebody listen to me...somebody help me, someone please give a damn enough to oopen your ears and hear what im syying...its not going to just go away because you think it should..its part of me...accept it and be there for me....im tired of pretending to be the strong one....im tired of being the one everyone comes to to solve your problems...where are you when i need someone to be strong for me...my suicide attempt isnt a cry for attention....its a great big shout for help, for someone to listen. im tired of hearing shes just having a pity party, shes just feeling sorry for herself, she just wants attention, shes a drama queen...listen up folks, its a chemical imbalance in my brain...i cant fix it, i cant make it go away, im sorry if y moods disturb you, but if youl stop and listen for 5 minutes, maybe youll understand that i cant help the way i feel, that i need love and support, not criticicism and humiliations. my illness does not define me, it is a part of me. Ride the wave,. And until the day you wake up covered in blood nd have no memory of slicing your body open, then you cannot tell me you understand. until the day you tell your child i want you to leave because you wont behave and five minutes later youre crying please dont leave, please dont tell me, how to deal with my life. Until the day you see the pain in your childs eyes as he looks at the bloody scars on your body and listen to his angry words, please dont try to tell me itl be ok, youve been there, because unless your chld has seen you try to slice your wrists, there is no way in bloody hell that you can even come close to comprehending what my life is like. Yes, i may look healthy, but until you go days without eating because you forget or are just too tired of life to care, until you walk a mile in my shoes, dont for a second try to pretend to understand the hell i put my family and children through. If you want to help, be there for my child to talk to, because he doesnt understand and he lives it everyday, so you cant possibly understand it.Please, stop telling me i just need to get out, get over it, excercise or quit feeling sorry for myself. i take a collection of pills everyday that would choke a horse, in the hopes htat we can find the right combination ofchemicals to balance out my brain. I talk and talk, and talk until i lose my voice or get cramps in y fingers. There is no cure for e, all there is is pills to try and keep the moods in an even balance. Your comments make the stress worse, and the more stress i am under, the less the pills help So, if you really want to help me, be a friend to my child, offer to come cook for me whr, especially when you know that i am alone, or bring me a plate of food from whatever you cook. Offer to come help me with cleaning, or to cut my lawn. Even a phone call when you know i am alone would be a help, because then i wont feel invisible or or forgotten. No my suicide attempt is not a cry for help, it is a cry for understanding, compassision and caring.
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