"Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. Afterall, you are alive so you will always have the chance to be happy. As long as the sun the moon, and the earth exist everything wil be alright." - "The End Of Evangelion"



Let's see..... who am I really? My name is Alex. I usually go by Captain with my friends, Boo at work and with family, Lutar with my online groups, and Weirdo with most! I enjoy sitting and drinking coffee and just having a nice chat with someone. My cat Jack sleeps with me or next to me almost every night. I hate how when I go to Ingles something always seems to fuck up in some odd way. I wear boots.... always. I really love taking photos of everything. My aunt thinks she is so cool with her digicam with the changable lens. I am not out to take the photo of the century, but the moment of the day. I only have a few select people in my life that I will tell EVERYTHING to. I really love anime and I always have. I just never showed it because I was always around people that thought it was lame and stupid. I am glad I have some people in my life now that I can enjoy it with. I wear glasses and I love it. Ghost In The Shell and Gundam were my favorite animes before I started to understand Evangelion. I will be getting six more tats when I round up the money. They will all be something very meaningful to me. I currently have 4. Thanks to Dietsch over at SkinWerks my work is custom and kicks major ass. I love candy corn. Lemons are awesome. Wendy's is where I go when I have very little money for food. I rarely sleep in my bed. Joey!, Coco, Sam, and Little Lily have to be some of my closest friends. I don't take my medication like I should because I feel I can get better on my own. I want to get my nipples pierced. Everything Japanese is cool and you fucking know it! I would really like to go see every concert to every band I like, but I don't have the time. Charter Communications really sucks. I really enjoy to play Halo and Halo2. I really should have thought about what the water bill would be to fill up my pool before I drained it. I hate fake people and two faced people. If you are going to be that way do not even get around me. I don't need that in my life. I really like to be myself and if you don't like me, then go fuck a lamp. I own lots of silly hats. I am very very, very smart (190+ last time I was tested), but I don't like to show it or act like it. I think I have reached a peak of smartness of where I drive myself crazy with thoughts. My green blanket has to be the softest and warmest blanket I own. I seriously am going to build a fence around my entire property line. I love to listen to swing music, big band music, and music with lots of trumpets when I am in a bad mood. My socks never match.... ever. I listen to every type of music there is. I have an obsession with fire. I always get hurt in the oddest ways. I hate America's mindset. I love learning and experiencing other cultures. I really like meeting new people. Believe it or not, I am really shy. I don't know any of my neighbors, nor do I plan to. I really don't like some of the choices I have made in the past, but it has shaped me into the person I am today. I have learned a lot about myself from myself. Sobe has to be one of my all time favorite drinks. I can drink a gallon of OJ in a few hours if I don't force myself not to. I am not big into sweats, though some days I can't get enough. I have a nephew. I will be an awesome uncle to him though. If I cook for someone I usually get nervous and make silly mistakes. I enjoy just hanging out not doing anything. I really like top hats for some reason. I have really bad knees. My left one is not even bone anymore. My right is still bone, but it hurts where it was cracked. I had a sword go through (yes in and out) my leg in 2004. I have stattered my skull, shattered both hands (left one twice), broken my wrists, broken each arm twice, cracked my foot, broken both knee caps, fractured my shoulder, cracked my nose, cracked my jaw, fractured my elbow, broken every toe and finger atleast 3 times, and have has a stress fracture on my ribs. I once put a lighter out in my eye. Beer bottles do NOT break over your head like they show in the movies. Pink is not a girl's color. I do not like overly hot weather. I stole my one of my ex-girlfriend's shoes and lied about it for years. I have a huge collection of old video game consoles and many, many, many games for them. I forget things from time to time. I suck up at work so the big bosses never say anything but good things about me. I want to be a teacher at a college. I am not a morning person. I don't like to type or worry about spelling anything correctly. I want a pet pig. I want to be happy in the end. I am insane. No really... I have the paperwork to prove it. I am not religious I am more spiritual. I believe the power of life in inside one's self. I believe in imagination, creativity, pure thought, and happiness. To me, "God" is just a label on something that can't be explained. I don't like the christian faith because they have to try to explain and shape what ever is out there. It has no name and it can not be explained, no matter how hard you try. If you do explain it you are only lying to yourself. Everyone has a spirit they can connect with. It is the power within yourself.



I'm a friendly guy. :)



I don't drink as much any more because it would turn me into someone I did not want to be, so I just do it in moderation now and when I am in a good mood.


My ambition is to become a history professor.


I want to tell someone I love them and really mean it before I die.



I regret that I have lived my last 5 years dwelling in the past. I missed so many things that would have brought joy to me. I am trying to live it now.


My ideal person. I must be able to feel I can connection with this person. Body and Soul. I want them to be able to have fun. To be able to see "the other side" to things. Don't take everything for just how it is, see if there is something different you notice. They have to be smart. Smarts are hot! They have to have a nice smile... eyes that show their soul and not a cover to hide themselves from the world. Someone who is themselves and not who everyone wants them to be. Have to be able to have fun. Someone who does not mind that I have some bad days. Someone who loves sex..... because I love sex. Someone who can drive. Someone who has a job or is going to school... or both! Someone I am not afraid around... where I can open up and be my whole self and not hold anything back.


Food. My favorite food of all time has to be my grandmother's corn. She hand shucks it and everything. It is the best I have ever had. I hate all other corn, but this is great. I could eat it bowl after bowl untill i feel like I am going to explode. It's just it's fresh, it has wonderful spices in it, it's cooked just right. ......and cheesecake.... cause it just rules!



Honesty. For some situations it is the best things. In relationships it has to be a must. even though honesty may be the downfall of a relationship from what I have experienced and seen, atleast it wasn't ended with lies. however, honesty i think can be pushed aside sometimes in order to save a hurt on someone that would be with them for a lifetime. Maybe not say all the details? leave out the things that really don't need to be said. Just as long as the messege is across. I try to be as honest as I can on every situation, i rarely have to/want to lie.



Sex. I love sex. I love anything to do with sex. talking about it, seeing it, hearing about it, having it. To me it can be for fun, and yet it can also be meaningful. I have had my share of one night stands, and I can say I enjoyed it. It was fun. Get a little messed up, start chatting, get horny, get off! It's just fun in that sense because it's not an accual connection, it's just lust. Now, sex can be very meaningful to me. When I am in a relationship, sex does not have to be the focus of it. And when it happens, I make sure to take my time.... pay attention to details and movements... try to make it the most euphoric experience ever. Not saying that I do not try to do that all the time. I try to pleasure the woman to the best of my ability. :) but I try to make it the merging of souls when the sex is meaningful.



Dreams. I believe dreams have more meaning than what anyone could ever describe. I have had dreams that would effect my entire outlook on a day. I have had some that seem to come true days later. Some that have scared me to the point where I thought I was going to go insane. However, I do believe they have a connection to what is going on in your current life. If I was to focus on something bad for a day, but had good spirits all day, that night I might dream something disturbing or sad. The next day I would be in a less than happy mood because my dream would act out my fear. So to me, it's like it really happened. I have good dreams though. They might be odd and a little crazy if you were to hear about them, but they are good dreams none the less. They can change my entire outlook for the day, or even the week. If I want something good to happen in my life I try to dream about it. That way I can be in the mindset to try and actually reach that goal. I do believe that odd dreams do have some interpreted meaning that aplies to what is going on in our day to day life. The smallest thing in a dream, the slightest thing out of place, can mean more than anything right in front of you ever could.



Soul Mates. I believe everyone has an eternal connection to someone. I think that it is also possible for you to never find your soul mate in your lifetime. A soul mate, to me, is one that knows how you feel without even asking. Knows what to do and say when the time is needed. A feelings when the two are together being one of indescribable emotion. A shared feeling of being together forever. Unregrettable love.




Am I happy with who I am? Currently I am not. I am looking for a change. I am trying to find myself and trying to be happy. I live in the past too much, it's hard for me to look toward the future with a different view. I am trying though. I want to be happy. I want to smile.



What would I change about myself? I do like myself. I like some of the things I have done for people, and I like some of the things I have done for myself. I think if I was to change anything about myself I would change who I really am. So my answer is nothing.



What would I change about others? Their abilty to understand and listen. Too many times in my life I have had to run into people who will not even take the time to understand anything and just go about thinking they know it all. If they would just take the time to listen and actually get to know the full details on something, then maybe people would be happier. Maybe people would live easier knowing they know the real truth to something, not just what story they come up with in their head.



If I could live anywhere. I would like to live in many places. Moscow, anywhere in Japan, Alaska, Ohio.... just to name a few. I like to travel. I like to experience different cultures and meet new people. Moscow; My family line is from Russia. I would like to visit the large structures and statues that have been in this city for many years. I would like to see the war-torn country side. I want to eat a candy bar that I have no clue what it is. Japan; I would love to live here. The new technology would be awesome to play around with. Also the tradition of the people. I wish America had the tradition backbone that this country has. They have a different mind set on life too. They like to see everything in an up-beat way. It's the best way to live. Alaska; It's cold. I love cold. I believe that I would feel free in this state Ohio; I have several memories from my lifetime of Ohio. I love how the morning fog will fill the valley of a farm. I like how the roads seem to just go straight and not curve at random times for no reason. I like the people.



Superstitions. I am not really superstitious about anything. Of course there are some quirks to me, but that can be said about anyone. I'll walk under ladders. I'll let a black cat cross my path. I won't even flip over a cig to call it "me lucky cig". However, I will wish upon stars. Because when you look at the star again, you are reminded of your wish. Then it is possible to become a mindset.... and then reality. I make sure horse shoes are turned up correctly, so as to not spill the luck that is inside. I search for four leaved clovers in hopes of brightening my day. I something on me at all times that someone important has given to me. I wear white before and after labor day. I have somethings that I am passionate about, but I think those are just weird things about me.



Favorite Movie. American Beauty has to be one of my all time favorite movies. The story behind it and the way it ends is such a great movie. The writting, the acting, the entire way things go with each other is just amazing to me. It a movie that makes you think. Also, Robocop. I grew up on this movie and I will watch it over and over and never get tired of it. I like to live in the fantasy world of where I can come back as a cyborg ;)



Favorite Song. Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry. I like this song because it tells you to savor every moment... because you never really know when you won't have that moment to savor anymore. Don't take anything from granted. There have been plenty of times in my life where I have taken one day for granted and the next day it be taken away from me. Cherrish what you have now, because it is not forever.



Who I admire. My grandfather. He was a great man. He taught me how to read people and find out what they really are all about. He taught me how view life in a way I have never seen anyone else do.



Aim= CaptainAlexzandr

Aim = Themightylutar

Yahoo = Themightylutar

IRC on EFNET = lutar