Bondage, or the act of restraining another, can be a heady, erotic form of play. For those practitioners, the tying or being tied by another can have a profound affect on their level of sexual energy. For the dominant to have the consensual trust of a submissive who allows him to render her completely helpless by bondage… it is a very powerful feeling. There aren’t many leaps of faith that are bigger.
Bondage is among the most intense of games people play with each other. There are as many reasons for doing it as there are people who indulge. Bondage safety is the responsibility of all parties involved. It should not and does not fall exclusively on the shoulders of one partner. No matter where your interest is in the power dynamic when playing bondage games you should never under estimate your personal responsibility for making the bondage as safe as it is stimulating.
For the bondage bottom, submissive, or slave that is involved in the bondage game (you know… the one that gets tied) it is important to realize they too have a personal responsibility in their own safety before, during and after the bondage event. The submissive needs to take her responsibility for helping her partner keep her safe just as seriously as he does.
First of all being willing to engage in open and honest communication with your Dominant about your desires, needs, and fears is perhaps one of the most important of your responsibilities to making a scene work. You need to be willing to share information that will allow him to negotiate the mental and emotional terrain he will tread during your scenes safely and without setting off hidden triggers that will blow the mood, scene and potentially the relationship out of the water. You also have the responsibility of keeping him aware of how you are doing during a scene. There are things you may feel or experience that he will only be aware of if and when you speak up and tell him. You need to be willing to accept your share of the responsibility for communication. It is a very romantic notion to think of your dominant as one who can always know what you are thinking or feeling at the right time and always take the right actions as a result… but most dominants are not mind readers.
Personally, I am not willing to risk the trust I have in him by waiting for him to simply know what I need. I would rather tell him. By communicating with him in this fashion honestly I am safe guarding both of us and our relationship. As the submissive partner you also need to understand that your Dominant person is only human.
There will most likely come a time if you play together for very long when something unintended will happen. You need to be willing to make allowances for human beings being human and mistakes being made. What is important is that he knows how to correct them quickly to minimize damage and that you both learn from them.
The dominant partner in exchange for a willing submissive partner who honestly communicates with him needs to be adept at the technical matters of bondage as well as his ability to monitor as closely as possible the well being of the helplessly bound partner. Many people rely on safe words as a way of safe guarding the well being of the submissive during scenes but at times the submissive partner is rendered cognitively unavailable. The notion of sub space if the play is intense enough is very real. It is a state of mind when she experiences things from a place somewhat removed from the reality of where she truly is. Things don’t process in her mind the same and sensations become changed and different… it can feel as if you’re trying to find your way in a fog. I have been there… and it is an exhilarating experience when you can just not worry about it… let go and fly. It is the best kind of high I have ever experienced. But in getting there I was able to trust my partner and his ability and need to be in control of as much of the sensation as he could. He is a control freak and part of that need to control comes with a need to closely monitor so that he can see as much as possible what is happening with me and my body. He watches me like a hawk and together we fly.
Bondage can be very physically demanding. It is important to stretch and be as limber as possible before the bondage takes place. Contorted and unnatural positions can put incredible strain on the body and without being properly limber injury can occur. Stretching can allow your body to move in different ways more easily without a huge amount of pain and discomfort and can promote the ability to stay in strenuous bondage positions longer.
When starting out with a scene, make sure the environment you are in is a safe one. Remote places can be unsafe as help cannot be summoned quickly should a problem arise. Be doubly safe when playing with your favorite sub in that cabin in the woods. Know the exact location of where you are and how you will direct people to find you if you find yourself in need of emergency medical help.
For the rope Master… a good pair of EMT shears is a cheap investment in your sub’s life. Make sure you keep at least one proprietary pair in a designated location, so that it can be retrieved quickly to free a sub that is experiencing a significant problem. Also, be aware when removing tight material, that you don’t cut the skin. Cutting a tape hood, for example, needs to be done very carefully, as the nose, ears, lips, and hair can be inadvertently cut. Try to stay away from around the eyes. Keep other unlocking items handy as well. A set of “backup” keys is a good idea if you accidentally misplace the set you had to unlock the irons your sub wears.
Research the kind of rope you want to use and know the advantages and disadvantages of your different options. Along with the rope information you need to be familiar with various knots and their uses. When starting out, learn which knots are good and which ones aren’t. Some will slip and tighten/come loose and others will hold well. Some are easy to undo, while some are a bitch to untie.
Remember to consider the positional effects of tight bondage on the body. When a person is tied in tight bondage in a certain position for an extended period of time circulation to the brain can be compromised. Your tied toy becomes much more vulnerable to the effects of sudden extreme sensation and surprise due to the head rush it can cause. When the submissive is tied standing up and the head rush causes a faint you need to be prepared to get her released as quickly as possible to prevent injury from sudden and unexpected tension on places unintended.
Many submissives have intense fantasies that include neck bondage. Tying anything around the neck is risky due to the shallow location of the carotid arteries in the neck. It takes very little pressure on these structures to compromise circulation to the brain… and being the oxygen greedy organ that it is the brain reacts rather quickly to the lack of oxygen it experiences and your partner may faint. The safest rule is to never tie anything around the neck. If you do… never do so in a position (such as a standing or kneeling one), that a sudden change of position can cause difficulty with quick release. I can tell you from experience that it can happen easier than you think and the level of consciousness so quickly compromised that it is impossible to even warn of feeling dizzy before you are out. Quick release is essential to safeguard life and limb.
When using rope for bondage remember that the more coils of rope reduces the circulation and nerve damage problem because the exerted pressure is diffused across a wider area of the body. The potential of compromised circulation by the rope is almost guaranteed if the bondage goes on long enough so continuous monitoring is absolutely necessary. One way to monitor your captives circulation if she is incapacitated and unable to verbally speak to you is to gently pinch the fingernails or toenails (assuming of course she isn’t wearing nail polish) until they blanch white and then releasing and noting the amount of time it takes for them to return to the natural pink color. Two seconds or less means good circulation.
Hands and feet that develop a bluish hue to them must be released immediately so that circulation can continue. A gentle touch can give you information about the circulation of a limb... one of the firsts signs of compromised circulation is skin that becomes unusually cool to the touch. If your submissive complains of numbness and tingling this is another indication that circulation is compromised and the bondage will need to be adjusted.
A good rule of thumb is the “one finger” rule. Only tight enough to slip one finger under. Never leave a person in bondage alone and unsupervised. Problems can develop quickly. When wrapping the breasts, 20 minutes is the maximum time to leave them tied. If you plan on leaving your sub tied for an extended period of time, leave a little play 1-2 inches in the rope for a little added movement to help prevent cramping.
Be very aware of how the placement of your rope or the position of the submissives body can affect the ability to breath. Rope that is tight around the chest can prevent adequate chest expansion therefore preventing adequate ventilation. Contorted positions can also impede the ability for her to breathe well and cause problems with the longevity of the position. Tying a body face down on a very soft surface can be dangerous. Always be aware of what is around her face or head when she is strictly tied so that you can prevent her from feeling smothered or panicking because she can’t get a good deep breath.
Gags are an excellent way to control her mouth, but compromise the airway. Make sure you know how to get them off quickly, should she choke on saliva (if tied face up) or vomits. Also when gagging a partner provide her some other means of communicating with you if she is having a problem. It should be mentioned here that alcohol or time since last meal, can contribute to nausea and vomiting. On more than one occasion heavy pain has caused me to feel extremely nauseous and fear vomiting, and having that concern kept me from completely enjoying the bondage experience of the time.
When tying with rope remember that rope burns are usually not the kind of discomfort either of you seek for the experience. So be careful about the speed of which you drag the rope across her skin when tying. Also, remember that the diameter of the rope can make a huge difference in the safety of the rope. Rope that is less than ¼ inch in diameter is going to be too small to be safe.
Rope bondage is wonderful foreplay. Good rope bondage is not something that happens quickly. The rope artist first spends many hours thinking of and planning his different rope ties. Then he searches out the perfect rope for making his plans come to life. When the time comes that he can finally apply the rope to his body of desire it still does not come quickly or easily. Good rope wo
