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How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her .
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears .
How do you drown a blond?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool .
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door .
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out .
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.
How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard .
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered .
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat .
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period .
What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade .
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans .
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage .
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill .
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period .
Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why do blondes work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons? You can also sit upright in a car.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board .
How does a blonde like her eggs? Unfertilized .
What's the definition of a metallurgist? A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore .
What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? Elvis has been sighted .
What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde? Vaseline and Poli-Grip .
What's the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop .
What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb? The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on .
What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus? One has fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus .
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining .
What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? She turned it over and used the other side .
What is a blonde's idea of dental floss? Pubic hair .
What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her ear? Thanks for the refill .
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? Because he didn't want them pooping in the streets during parades
32 - BLONDE ONE LINERS
How do you change a blonde's mind? Buy her another beer.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
How do blonde brain cells die ? Alone.
How do you brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant.
What will she ask you? "Is it mine?"
How does a blond kill a fish? She drowns it.
How does a blonde hold her liquor? By the ears.
Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Why don't blondes like anal sex? They don't like their brains being screwed with.
How is a blonde like peanut-butter? They spread for the bread.
What do you get when you turn 2 blondes upside-down? Two brunettes.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? She realized she gave her last blowjob.
What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? a foursome.
What do you give the blonde that has everything? Penicillin.
Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? It's too hard to re-train them.
Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? They have to pull their own pants down.
What do blondes do for foreplay? Remove their underwear.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
What's the mating call of the redhead? "Next!"
Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ?? She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest? She heard that it reduces cavities.
Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex? She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Why are there no dumb brunettes? Peroxide.
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme.
To a blonde, what is long and hard? Grade 4.
What did the blonde say to the physicist? "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
