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a moon in its glow

he stood in the night's cold air... beyond his reach the silvery glow of a moon so beautiful and full and alone. the shadows raced around him...offering nothing but regret... for he had through his foolish ways cast himself adrift and the love that had anchored them was lost. dark sky so bleak...my solitude so intense i feel the pangs of my death...to have tasted of love as never before...i leave you with nothing... inside me and inside you lie the shards of a love... despair....torment...and empty, this vessel...
funny...sad really.... that i can forgive you... for having stopped loving me... but i can never forgive myself.... for having ever begun.... nor can i forgive myself... for being the one... who gave you the door...

sketches of love....

a few sketches....imaged words.... drown me in your love....cover me with your essence... let my mouth receive you...as i kiss you in small places... if love were a tree...desires would be the branches...they'd span the reaches... to touch upon your face... a sky so deep and inky...the stars as rain upon us... from these sparks become embers... desires the fires...that engulf us... fuelling our passions...ardour that feeds us.. as we taste our love for ever and always... the flavour of love...always excites.....us....
as reported in the Associated Press: By KRISTEN GELINEAU, Associated Press Writer Kristen Gelineau, Associated Press Writer – Wed Feb 11, 2:44 pm ET SYDNEY – Kangaroo corpses lay scattered by the roadsides while wombats that survived the wildfire's onslaught emerged from their underground burrows to find blackened earth and nothing to eat. Wildlife rescue officials on Wednesday worked frantically to help the animals that made it through Australia's worst-ever wildfires but they said millions of animals likely perished in the inferno. Scores of kangaroos have been found around roads, where they were overwhelmed by flames and smoke while attempting to flee, said Jon Rowdon, president of the rescue group Wildlife Victoria. Kangaroos that survived are suffering from burned feet, a result of their territorial behavior. After escaping the initial flames, the creatures — which prefer to stay in one area — likely circled back to their homes, singeing their feet on the smoldering ground. "It's just horrific," said Neil Morgan, president of the Statewide Wildlife Rescue Emergency Service in Victoria, the state where the raging fires were still burning. "It's disaster all around for humans and animals as well." Some wombats that hid in their burrows managed to survive the blazes, but those that are not rescued face a slow and certain death as they emerge to find their food supply gone, said Pat O'Brien, president of the Wildlife Protection Association of Australia. The official human death toll stood at 181 from the weekend's deadly fires and authorities said it would exceed 200. While the scope of the wildlife devastation was still unclear, it was likely to be enormous, Rowdon said. "There's no doubt across that scale of landscape and given the intensity of the fires, millions of animals would have been killed," he said. Hundreds of burned, stressed and dehydrated animals — including kangaroos, koalas, lizards and birds — have already arrived at shelters across the scorched region. Rescuers have doled out antibiotics, pain relievers and fluids to the critters in a bid to keep them comfortable, but some of the severely injured were euthanized to spare any more suffering. "We've got a wallaby joey at the moment that has crispy fried ears because he stuck his head out of his mum's pouch and lost all his whiskers and cooked up his nose," Rowdon said. "They're the ones your hearts really go out to." In some of the hardest-hit areas, rescuers used vaporizing tents to help creatures whose lungs were burned by the searing heat and smoke. One furry survivor has emerged a star: a koala, nicknamed "Sam" by her rescuers, was found moving gingerly on scorched paws by a fire patrol on Sunday. Firefighter David Tree offered the animal a bottle of water, which she eagerly accepted, holding Tree's hand as he poured water into her mouth — a moment captured in a photograph seen around the world. "You all right, buddy?" Tree asks in a video of the encounter as he approaches the koala. Later, as Sam thirstily gulps from the bottle, he quips: "How much can a koala bear?" Often mistakenly called koala bears because they resemble a child's teddy bear, the marsupial is actually a rather grumpy creature with a loud growl and sharp claws. Sam is being treated at the Mountain Ash Wildlife Shelter in Rawson, 100 miles (170 kilometers) east of Melbourne, where she has attracted the attention of a male koala, nicknamed "Bob," manager Coleen Wood said. The two have been inseparable, with Bob keeping a protective watch over his new friend, she said. Meanwhile, workers at the shelter were scrambling to salve the wounds of possums, kangaroos, lizards — "everything and anything," Wood said. "We had a turtle come through that was just about melted — still alive," Wood said. "The whole thing was just fused together — it was just horrendous. It just goes to show how intense (the fire) was in the area." The animals arriving appear stressed, but generally seem to understand the veterinarians are trying to help them, Wood said. Kangaroos and koalas are widespread in Australia and are not particularly afraid of humans. Volunteers from the animal welfare group Victorian Advocates for Animals filled 10 giant bins with 2,300 dead grey-headed flying foxes that succumbed to heat stroke Saturday, said Lawrence Pope, the group's president. Volunteers tried to save some of the bats by giving them fluids and keeping them cool, Pope said, but the creatures were simply too stressed and perished. "It's heartbreaking," Pope said. "They're very endearing animals and to see them die right before our eyes is something that wildlife rescuers and carers just find appalling."

when humankind strikes...

so...last night...arriving at the station....standing around the front were 3 guys, all dressed in the same fashion....watching....observing...even as one immediately moved out of our line of vision... this is one of my stations....and while it has always had a reputation for bad things going down, i have never really felt intimidated working it on my own...sure there was the 'psychotic who went weird towards me when i politely declined walnut pieces....and then there were the two goofs who delighted in threatening 3 kids on their way home from the batman movie premiere...and a few other situations...but by and large it has been quite quiet... i sense things here....people behind em when there is no one around...last week i heard a voice...the most beautiful voice... but the all-too-real footsteps from people non-existent has been the most unsettling of things to occur here.... so last night...due to a late start i worked with another person....all things uneventful. as we awaited the leadhand's arrival around 5:30am, i walked out the front entrance...and saw some graffitti...letters crossed out with something written above. looking closer, it was apparent that there was a very real and ominous meaning to these scrawls....and then the other ones just added to my feelings...it would seem that there will likely be some activity taking place here in the not-too distant future...as two different factions claim the station for themselves...ie a turf war... just what one needs....to be caught in a situation where violence and stupidity rules...even as a bystander...the possibility of things going from worse to chaotic seem strong. i reported this of course...and to be honest, while there is a quiet unsettling sensation within...i cannot say there is any 'fear'....yet. will it start to manifest itself should the threat become a reality? no doubt. but there is a more dispassionate feeling felt towards this...a wait and see...remain alert but not stress over it.... clearly...in retrospect...my initial unsettled feeling regarding those guys earlier had validity...and given their expressions...the dead eyes and the suspicion towards us....it is a given that i will see them again...
i phoned my father today....his birthday, and their anniversary. so sad i became....speaking with him....mortality clearly apparent in his demeanor. the fatigue of life marked in his voice...and i couldn't help but feel so bleak from the call of well-wishing....knowing that the natural processes of time and life are in their final movements concerning this individual with whom i have had a lifetime's wealth of interaction....love mainly, with a mix of hate...occasional shame...much admiration and respect...and more. life moves on for those able to accept it and go forward...those who don't have a diminished regard for it, and suffer the inevitable consequences for that. his was a life fraught with difficult situations and events, and yet he persisted....propelled by this sense of compassion and care...which was instilled in me as a form of continuity i supose...without encouragement or discouragement....genetics.... here is a man who as a doctor of medicine, specialising in mental disorders, had people leaving their doctors to be treated by someone of empathy and ability, someone who cared as he cured...causing untold amounts of animosity to befall him by said doctors, the pharmaceutical community...because the idea of treating a patient instead of masking the symptoms was apparently unaccepted a form of practise. not combative of or for his own life, he did so when dealing with those in his care. he created in me, someone who tended towards a certain amount of combativeness within himself while also favouring always the underdog, the innocent and the ones unable to defend themselves. and yet i too seem to be limited with regard to fighting for myself...or at least, considering my own situations and feelings in the overall, for which i have been made to suffer at various times of my life. it became most poignant a few years ago and...well...i have a life and a love that are why i exist...the 10-15 years prior to now seem so insignificant. still, as i listened to him...as i write this...knowing that time is disappearing for him and for my mother....she turning 90 in a year abd change...wondering what the room will look like once those doors are shut....both entirely different as individuals....and yet...they had this something that bonded them for most of their lives...to varying degrees...she the artist and muse of life...he the craftsman and the problem solver... happy birthday papa....

to feel...

what world....amiss... what love...remiss... i have longed to touch...to hold in my arms to feel the whorls of this skin all a-glow... to make come alive the desires so dormant with my lips...as they brush upon your brow. i have longed to inhale your scent so sweet to taste you on my mouth in my eyes and with my heart... to bring you to tears of pleasure not pain... to make you come to me, with me... time and again... to feel you, be inside you...to love you my one to cherish the excitement of us as we come... to be the love we had found...the love as foretold... i want to love you so deeply nestled in your folds... my passions so clumsy...in awe of your love and yet they are real, just humbled by love... my senses on fire...for you-they desire... i've seen you and smelled you... now to taste you and melt you... and love you..... forever.
the day 'my' diet destroyed the planet. in saying this i need to offer up a qualifier, since i no longer engage in dining off of non-human animal remnants...the *my* is in reference to the diet of a large number of the human animal. we are not carnivores. we are, at best, omnivores which, due to the amazing foresight of nature and evolution, equipped us with the ability to digest carrion in times where our real food was scarce. our bodies are not designed to ingest or process animal flesh or their fluids, other than in the short term and, as nomadic creatures, there were times obviously when foods were scarce. this is the reality of our kind. the problems arose when two things occured, the first being that we stoppped being nomadic, to a great extent, and the second was when we decided that we could manipulate the lands surrounding us to suit our new-found needs, or perhaps more accurately-desires. both of these posturings of ours have directly and critically impacted on this planet...our home.
the heat and the dark were beginning to get to the boy and, as he looked around with eyes opened wide and ears at alert, so was the oppressive silence. there was not one cricket chirping...no hum of electricity from the streetlight, being of the old incandescent variety, by now yellowed and fading fast. his ears pricked up to the sudden arrival of the bat earlier that evening-well, not that much earlier since it was pitch black a night then too. in reality, he had no idea what time it was, thinking that time just seemed to be going slowly, since the bus had not yet come by, as expected. tricks were starting to play in his eyes now, to go along with his heightened sense of apprehension and dread. he imagined some movement just beyond the light's reach, heading into the thicket of shrubbery. there was an almost shape that "appeared" over there, maybe, since he couldn't really be sure of that anymore. what was he doing out here anyway? he'd every intention of being back hours ago, before anyone would realise he'd been gone, but it just wasn't to be. getting lost while looking for the address he'd gotten didn't help, and neither did that run-in with that gang of jerks who thought it great fun to chase him down with the hope of beatng him up-just because. what a strange place this was too, where everyone seemed to look like they are all related, except that they seemed weird physically. inbreeding is what he'd heard it called, and this place seemed to be crawling with these inbreds. they looked at him funny, even the 'normal' ones when he finally did find the home. those running it seemed to be very interested in him, more than why he showed up in the first place, that being to find out what he could about his parents. a motion just beyond his area of vision. he spun around, whole body on alert, skin all prickly and alive. nothing. and yet, suddenly the dark seemed just that much closer to him. where is the bus he cried out inside...so scared now he was almost panicking. escaping those jerks, he fled through the woods so many hours ago now, eventually stumbling out and onto this old road. it was an old country road, formerly a main artery, according to the one person he saw along it, whoalso told him of the bus stop a mile ahead, where he now stood. yeah, apparently the old saw, of a town fading into oblivion after the new interstate was built, applied here. the town that civilisation forgot, and now he too would become one of the forgotten. unless he could get the hell out of here.
one never knows what awaits one from day to day... work stations are, by definition, not the most pleasurable of life's stations...but for some it takes on various permutations of unpleasantry...often unecessarily so as well... a case in point would be that which occurred last night at my work 'station', acting as i was in the capacity of leading hand due to illness of the regular one. when the call came in i took on the responsibility of acting on it, allowing for the crew to carry on their normal duties; having an 'extra' person certainly helped... the call was for dealing with an issue of blood around a payphone outside one of the train staions, where apparently they hadn't of yet ascertained much more, such as the extent of the loss, etc. the next call did however, after i'd made the commitment to respond to it myself. apparently the blood spill was extensive, going through the entire station, the platform...outside and down along the walkway and bridge... steeling myself for a rather gruesome scene i made my way there, arriving just as the police did. i met up with them and together we went to investigate. in many ways what awaited us was rather anti-climactic...the situation was much less dramatic than described by the ps people had indicated...nothing was to be found on the platform or station really...it was mostly contained outside the front entrance and down the walkway... the police left after doing a cursory walk through and the requisite calls to their despatch, and i set out to the task at hand. as i started the clean-up i noticed the various shades and sizes of the blood drops and small pools...the thicker the spill the more brilliant the red....in a number of cases there was this almost glowing to the red...as if it still contained the life of the person from whom it had been shed... and i thought...struck again by the casual way this essence was left to become waste...drop by drop...i followed it for quite a distance...along the pathway, along the pedestrian overpass and down to the other side, stopping only as it went down through a shopping mall parking lot...were one to have continued might one have found eventually the body, by then bled dry...? a casual stroll to one's mortality....aren't most people's lives like that?
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