HippieChic's blog: "Alone?"

ok, so i sat down here today with numb fingers and toes from the bitter cold air that has been prying its way through the fabric wrapping i layered on my carcass this morning like an armor piercing warhead. but obviously, i didnt layer it quite thick enough on my feet this morning, in the future i promise my toes that i will pay closer attention to their needs. i feel like i have neglected them and as a result they are now complaining and nagging by sending the numbing sensation style inpulses to my brain like a huge pile of spam emails and filling my cranial inbox with unwanted reminders. i know, i know. you only have to tell me once. ive learned how to follow the directions. ive learned how to make you happy, sometimes at the expense of my own contentment. i tend to give. i tend to supply the demand like some chinese factory filled with underpaid, prepubescent line workers continuously cranking out this years trinket fad wonder craze all the while never quite making enough to put the rice on the table. rationing the groceries. giving and giving and working and working. until one day theyre dead and have nothing to show for all of their labor except the millions of crushed, discolored and discarded trinkets filling the landfills of our wonderful consuming country. it all seems pointless. it all seems like a complete waste of time. people struggling. people striving for that security and happiness that they have never been able to find. humans breaking their back for others day after day only to be unappreciated and taken advantage of without a second thought. feelings and compassion thrown away like a used tissue without batting an eye. dog eat dog. consumption for the good of yourself at the expense of whoever or whatever gets in the way or dares to question the motive behind such actions. the world could end tomorrow and we all may die with a huge chuck of humanity never taking the time to think about anything but whats inside their own head or whats happening inside their poorly decorated filthy ass living room. we keep killing each other with selfishness. we keep killing each other without thinking twice. we keep burning and stealing and tearing the hearts out of one another like we were ordering a big mac value meal with extra secret sauce and an apple pie on the side. we keep tearing it down without building it back up. face it, we hate each other. we talk trash. we downgrade, belittle, and supersize every single day in an subconcious attempt to bandage our own feelings of insufficiency while we ride the big ol' blue marble as it endlessly spins on its invisable axis day after day. one of these days shes gonna get pissed and fed up, only to shake us off like an old hounddog and a pile of fleas. shes gonna scratch that itch.

Welcome and please open your Human Carcass Life Time Owners manual to page 3, Chapter one. Everything you see, feel, hear, taste, and smell will impact your ride, so make the best of it. There are no dress rehearsals or study periods of any kind here folks. However, I will tell you that you have only one chance in this game, and I am sorry to say that your clock has already started. Will you draw the dreaded mimic card and mirror the anger and pain that you just might be unfortunate enough to store away back there in your deluxe human style treasure chest of paths to choose? Or will you opt to graciously pass on your turn at some point in the game, running with crazy reckless abandon from the dark out into the light, leaving routine behind? Many who play seem to spin in a kind of limbo confusion, never really understanding the rules while the grade school bully is pushing them into the puddle on the playground. Or someone goes and steals the velcro wallet from the back pocket of their forty-five dollar jeans. Even though the bull and thief hold the mimic card, they are light years away from earning any points. But I think that its all in how you choose to store those points accumulated that makes playing the game either completely worthwhile or a complete waste of time. Some spend their whole existence trying to be right, while others spend every filling of their lungs striving to be accepted. Many worry that they might not rate up to the level of the numerous other layers of people that surround them in their lives. All the while, never realizing that those people they are trying to immulate, are just wasting their time trying to keep up with some other scared lost soul thats wandering the landscape, confused and uncertain. It's like watching some seventy-year stock car race, one big stupid repetitive circle full of six billion corporate sponsored homespun carcasses. Some might crash and burn early in the race. Some might need to make a pit stop for some sort of service along the way. No one ever really wins, they just repeatedly circle and circle as fast as they possibly can in an all out frenzy to be first. I think that I'll just sit back and watch comfortably from home. Not that I've graduated from the racing circuit, I just try to refrain from entering the track. Sure, I will get an itch and jump on the oval from time to time, but I'm trying to wean myself off of that whirlpool. But instinct and prior thought patterns are so willing to take over, that the next thing I know, I am out there doing one hundred and seventy miles an hour with my penzoil baseball hat on backwards and the Earnhart memorial commemorative limited edition insulated sweatshirt. I look in the mirror and see Speed Racer gritting his teeth as he mats the accelerator. Knuckles white, clenching the steering wheel with all his might. The engine, pushed to the limit, screaming along like a massive pack of angry wild horses. Hey, where's the remote? Lets see what's on the Discovery Channel.

I picked up a late night auto-pilot calender day extention kit over at the big box mega superplex surplus warehouse buyers club and decided that today would be the day that i would try it on for size. so i used it exactly how the weak looking worn out cartridge style instructomatic users guide recommended that i use it and followed the word with extreme precision, maximum concentration and unmatched determination with the payoff being a handsome increase in my chances of doing it equally as good as the average style living manequin model of human being featured in the commercial on tv. the goal was simple and the reward was going to be lucrative, in a hollywood scripted dope ring paycheck kind of way and would surely afford me a pile of luxuries that i had only dreamed about prior. it screamed loud and clear for all to hear for miles and miles in each direction found on the face of the old compass. follow its direction in a car crash coma baby, ride it on down. thats all i have to say as i slam the door and walk out the way in a hurry thats just bursting with disgust and distain for the reasons i told you about in the last segment. ive got to cash it in for double pattied wonder that is the american dream. please pass the relish.

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card." Johnny replied, "I don't have it." "Why not?" His father asked. "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?" You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named." The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" Suzy cried out. "And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher. "Six feet under!", yelled Little Johnny. One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fuckin beautiful! One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet." He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him." The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten. "Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?" "On the eraser!" came back the quick reply. Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat." Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!" Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?" "My goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not!" answered his mother. "If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'" Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6. "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?' "What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father. "That's Exactly what I said!" "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when Little Johnny delivered his pizza. "Well," Little Johnny replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Little Johnny said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" asked the man. "Applied psychology," replied Little Johnny. Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...'" "Johnny !" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." "But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four." Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny said, "How about I lie and say we went to Ohio." Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..." Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff do when Daddy is away on business trips." It was the first day of third grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son." The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's third grade, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18." A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor first putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!" On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? How come abbreviated is such a long word? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers? Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Who is general failure and why is he reading my disk? The light went out, but where to? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? Why is the alphabet in that order? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! Do fish get cramps after eating? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut

so, everything happens for a reason. that old saying can sometimes drive you crazy when you really stop and think about it all while attempting to make an effort to solve the mysteries found within its words. like the sweaty faced man with few teeth that somehow magically guesses your weight and age while miraculously breathing through a guinness world record style alcohol and chewing tobacco blotted state, you know its all a farce. but still you look for a thread of truth in its feeble skeleton. what is the reason? what is the big picture? what is the price of bananas in uraguay during the second week of february and do they sell them on sundays? so i try to swim against the current like a champion catfish who fights with every ounce of energy he has in his scaly whisker having fish carcass. fighting the mighty flow until the death of his ambition overtakes everything before him. im on my way and dont worry... ill get there, but i might be a couple minutes late. first ive got to stop for gas over there at the speedway supercenter neighborhood filling station slurpy shoppe.

have you ever felt like you were in some sort of strange place where nothing really seemed to make sense. a place where you heard what was being said and saw what was going on around you, but it didnt make much sense at all. wrapped up in a swirling ball of confusion where it seemed the empty heads on the screen were speaking in some sort of language that sounded like english, but the meanings and strings of words just didnt seem to allign. where there was no coheisiveness between them. as if they were just clustered together to form what should be sentences but sentences that were far from complete. i would stop for a second and try to compute and rationalize what i saw but it didnt seem right to me. almost as if i was in some sort of charade style game show display put on to make me think i was still alive when in all reality i was gone and no one wanted to tell me. i wonder if thats what its like when you go. maybe you still keep on living in a world where everything around you seems the same but in reality it isnt quite as complete. maybe we pass through time into a life that is exactly like our previous existance but things are just a snip out of order. maybe because we arent ready to except the fact that were dead. so our minds lead us to believe that were still living on the same stage until we grow strong enough to face the fact that were gone. perhaps its at that moment that we take the wondeful journey onward. ive heard stories of souls not realizing that they are dead only to float around in limbo amongst the places and people that they loved because they dont know what to do when that time comes. and if that is the truth, then i wonder if feeling like this is what its all about or is this just my mind playing tricks on me in some sort of freaky reality based television thursday night blockbuster show stopper kind of way. every day it gets better. but does this mean that ive become partially comfortable with my new psuedo life or am i living with a defective brain that for one reason or another has decided to make me feel this way? i can hear you talking but your not making sense. or are you really talking at all? am i in this place physically or am i truly somewhere else waiting for my soul to realize the truth? im not scared, i know where im going when that day comes. well at least i think i do because im pretty damn confident where ill end up. i didnt used to know but now im sure. but i dont think it looks much like this does. This is just too damn real. but there are a lot of things that seem out of place. chemical imbalance style out of place. maybe i need the klonopin. maybe i need the xanax. maybe i need to bury my body in a world of exercise and fitness. maybe i need to wash my soul with the books of the gods. maybe im asleep and my alarm clock broke. maybe ive been killed in some horrific automobile accident with a long time friend. maybe. naw. its 3 o clock and i think that i should go before i freak myself out and end up in some padded room on the 6th floor of st. joes eating jello and listening to muzak versions of james taylor chaka khan and the thompson twins super hits of the fabulous 80s hairspray and eyeliner piece of shit rock ballads.

i have been sitting here, but before i started with that i was over there standing and milling around the dusty cardboard keeper cage. breathing in the dirt and dead skin of many years before this one. sneezes were frequent as the old substance made contact with the scratchy passages to my throat and lungs. what if i inhaled deep enough and inhaled all of my surroundings into the depths of my chest where they would begin absorbsion upon contact with the moist mucusy membranes of the air bags kept under my ribs. what if the particles were so small that they didnt want to stay and squeezed themselves through the layers of tissue like a mole through my neighbors lawn. burrowing until it reaches its destination far far away from where you put it. far from where you ever wanted it to go. running like a convict who just scaled the glistening razor wire at yesterdays maximum security prison. working its way to the outer surface, striding toward the sun and away from the encasement in which it is kept far longer than it ever wanted. leaving a wake of hallowed tunnels with walls scraped and scared from its tough outer shell that surrounds it sweet creamy innards. innards that scream out your name in anger and frustration as it furiously attempts escape from the clutches of your carcass. all that is left behind are the exit wounds out from in, leaving tiny holes in your epidermis like a strange looking acne problem or snake bite, depending on the species, and the trails like that of a diamondback rattle snake as it scurrys in the hot desert arizona sun. its wacky and crazy, but as fun as anything youve ever tried in your life. try to keep some in your chest today, its fantabulous! who knows, you just might try it twice. but... i got to go, im gonna be late to pick up the discarded trash left by the followers of the messiah. after all, one mans trash is another ones sale on ebay. stupid glad bags of refuse, streching and tearing and spilling and wasting my time every week for the past 10 years. i hope you like your new brasiere, used amana toaster oven and tan high heeled shoes. sorry but we are temporarily out of the panty flaps that you had requested.

Nobody Important Lyrics I'll sleep in and think back to a better time While dreaming of a higher existence of life And soon I'll be young again in a place where the pain is no more. I just wonder how long angels live for. I'm feeling it's almost time for me to stop Breathing. In the end all it seems that we've got Is faded memories displayed in random sporadic snapshots. I have tried to take it slow, but sometimes life, it speeds up. And I cannot wait to rise and fly with the makers of fate Don't shed a tear. I'd rather you cheer. Cause I no longer want to stay here. So for my wake instead of setting candles Or flowers that take up too much space on tables I want you to make mixed drinks and party favors To go with the cake. Toast to my new adventure. Well I got a small taste of peaceful freedom. No anger or hate in this new kingdom. I want to get back to where I just came from. My father smiling with the sun rising Over waves crashing on glistening sands and White birds were flying across blue skies and Palm trees were swaying. Let me stay here. Well now I am so tired and All of this darkness gets brighter here I can no longer fight it Soon I'll be rising up higher than Well now all your dreams they fall Into a place I had never been at all Back in the day I'd say that God will forgive me For not believing in him I saw what you'll see I guess I looked a little higher today I looked a little higher I saw you praying, contemplating If it hurts dying. Well I'm just fine and Well now I am so tired and All of this darkness gets brighter here I looked a little higher today I looked a little higher I'm on my way. I'm going. I'm on my way. This is by one of my favorite bands at the moment,The Freeloaders...they are not together presently,but they have an amazing sound!Heres their website,check em out if you have time! :) http://www.thefreeloadersband.com/

I have been at times... wrapped up so tight... tight like a surprise... as a package can be... Layers of this upon... many layers of that... meant only for you... but nothing for me. I often do dream... of being set free... free with nothing more... to do or say... And someday I will... just find my wings... when I rise up... and then fly away. Leaving so very far... behind us the wrappings... that once upon time... had us ever so bound... Leaving you far behind... in your total silence... still sitting so quiet... without making a sound. So unfold me now... to gently undo me... sing me a word... giving love from you... Know me inside & out... all of the creases... Have me by wanting... thoroughly tried and true. Discover our true meaning... with in the heart... reveal how real passion...is deepest at core... Know what its like... truly being just us... before our days undone... are to be... nevermore.