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66 Year Old · Female · Invited by: Loves To Flirt ... · Joined on May 7, 2009 · Born on January 25th · I have a crush on someone!
15
66 Year Old · Female · Invited by: Loves To Flirt ... · Joined on May 7, 2009 · Born on January 25th · I have a crush on someone!
15





Hope you find something here to make you laugh,it is MY favorite thing to do.... Thanks Cynde





Subject: Mammograms....

Mammograms
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is
no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding
the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared
for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in
and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door.
Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the
first time wasn't effective enough.


EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement
floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on
the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently
flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your
breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an
appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.


YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!


Send this to all women to have a laugh AND, don't forget to
have a mammogram!!!!!!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra....
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always....Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or
Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!




________________________________




Everyday, 200 million couples around the world have sex, which is about over 2000 couples at any given moment.

Women are most likely to want to have sex when they are ovulating.

The Egyptian 'Ankh' , here on the left is actually a symbol representing the male and female sex organs.

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world

30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends.


Mosquitoes, which mate in the air perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds.


Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be interested in a one-night stand than those with only a Bachelor's degree.

Fellatio ranks as the number one sexual act desired by heterosexual men.

Australian women have sex on the first date more than women the same age in the USA and Canada.

It’s illegal to have sex without a condom in Nevada. (More on Sex Laws later).

Today, Japan leads the world in condom use. Like cosmetics, they're sold door to door, by women.

More Americans lose their virginity in June than in any other month (must be all those weddings and prom nights).


A man’s penis not only shrinks during cold weather but also from nonsexual excitement like when his favorite football team scores a touchdown, etc.


Wyoming’s Grand Tetons mountain range literally means “Big Tits”.

In the original Grimm fairly tale of 'Sleeping Beauty', the Prince rapes her while she sleeps and then leaves before she wakes up. (Good thing that was rewritten!)

The word 'gymnasium' comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means to exercise naked, which often was done in ancient Greece.


White women and those women with a college degree, when asked said they were more receptive to anal sex than women without college educations.


The word avocado comes from the Spanish word aguacate which is derived from the Aztec word ahuacati which means testicle.

The original representation of Cupid by the Greeks was that of a beautiful young boy whose naked form was considered to be the embodiment of sexual love.

The first condoms in the US were made from vulcanized rubber in the 1870s. They were expensive and annoyingly thick and meant to be reused.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. (Amazing what one learns in college).

About 1% of the adult female population are able to achieve orgasm solely through breast stimulation.

14% of males said that they did not enjoy sex the first time.

60% of women say they did not enjoy sex their first time.

The Romans would crush a first time rapist’s gonads between two stones.

It’s illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it’s against the law to have sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.

In Fairbanks, Alaska it’s illegal for moose to have sex on the city sidewalks. (I don't know how this is enforced.)

In Florida having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear.


When Viagra became available, operators of Nevada brothels reported that business "shot up" about 20 percent.

Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.

Up until 1884, a Victorian-era woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you’d be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.

A "Dork' is a whale's penis. The whales, as you might have the world's largest penises. The blue whale is the champ, due to his size, with a ten foot long member that is one foot in diameter.
To Page 2 >>


ENJOY!!!




THIS SAYS IT ALL:


Time Passes.....


Life happens.....


Distance separates.....


Children grow up......


Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're suppose to do......



Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.....


BUT....Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.....



When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.....



Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters.....


Daughter-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!


The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet. There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.


"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ...WOW.. What a ride!" - Hunter S. Thompson










Loves to Flirt ...Stepped away3 hrs When you can't find the light,
That got you through a cloudy day,
When the stars ain't shinin' bright,
You feel like you've lost you're way,
When those candle lights of home,
Burn so very far away,
Now you got to let your soul shine,
Just like my momma used to say.

She used to say soulshine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
If the people don't mind,
You'll feel this way sometime,
Got to let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.

Growin up thinkin' that I had it made,
Gonna make it on my own.
Life can take the strongest man,
Make him feel so alone.
Now sometimes I feel a cold wind,
Blowin' through my achin' bones,
I think back to what my daddy said,
He said "Girl, in the darkness before the dawn:"

Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
If the people don't mind,
We all feel this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.

Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness,
Like a woman has shot down his very soul.
A woman too, God knows, she can feel like this.
And when your world seems cold, you got to let your spirit take control.

Gotta Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
If the people don't mind,
We all feel this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.

Gotta let your soul shine, shine through the break of day.

66 Year Old · Female · Invited by: Loves To Flirt ... · Joined on May 7, 2009 · Born on January 25th · I have a crush on someone!

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