Where do I begin? Well, I was born in a town which no longer exists.At the age of four my mother decided she no longer wanted me and gave me to the household maid, Magda. Magda was an older woman who lived on the outskirts of town in a stolen storage container. She lived with a man who had no teeth, and went by the name of Lucky. Magda and Lucky would spend their evenings drinking cheap wine, and fighting over who's turn it was to beat me. It wasn't always bad though. At times Lucky would show me how to do things. One lesson was how to field dress a cat and turn it into jerky using only a shard of glass and the sun. So, after three years I felt I was resourceful enough to take to the open road. I had walked 2,000 miles, give or take, and found myself in the Alaskan wilderness. I was cold, wet, and on the brink of starvation when suddenly I noticed I was surrounded by wolves. The Alpha male was a fraction of a second away from attacking when one of the females lunged in between us and held off the rest of the pack. At first living amongst the pack was hard. Constantly on the move, very little food, and never ending challenges by the other males. But as time passed I grew and soon enough I grew strong. Strong enough to leave the pack. After rediscovering civilization I would take work where I could by day, and by night I would drown myself with hard drink or various household cleaners whichever I found first.Then I would stumble to the dark side of town to visit a bitter, well seasoned prostitute. The kind that would laugh at you after you took your clothes off. Such humiliation. Why did I keep going back you ask. It was because she was the only one I could afford. Such is my life. I stand before you today drunk, broken, and impotent with nothing to show for my experiences, save a mild burning sensation when I urinate. I am available day or night. I can be found at a number of christian shelters or any vacant house of my choosing. I only ask that interested parties are willing to cook, clean, personally see to it that every part of my body is properly sponged with warm water, and financing our lifelong engagement. I cannot stress the latter enough. Your income will dictate our future. Well, I would love to tell you more, but I have an appointment with my mistress.