So here's where the curtains open up, and I walk out perfect and smiling, like I'm strung out on methamphetamines. This is your chance to steal my opinions and make them your own. This is where I make you scratch your head, and wonder where I come up with these things. This is where I offend. So, these days it's cool to wear the tight jeans, and the cokehead sunglasses, and the plastic smiles. Let's all hop in mom's minivan, and head out to the hardcore show, just to stand on the outskirts, and scoff at all the ugly outfits. Let's tell everyone we snort coke, as we paint our faces up perfectly, and give the same stare of disgust in every picture we take. Let's move to the City, and sell our bodies for dimebags. Let's pay hundreds of dollars for a digital camera, which we're only going to use for taking pictures of ourselves in high-contrast. Let's wear little kid bows in our hair. Let's cry when they ask how our day was. Shut the fuck up. I'm the fucking epitome of everything you wish you were. And guess what, I hate it. My eclipsed fucking eyes are dusted with glitter, and blinded by neon lights. Your monotone laughs are just the same as static to my ears, your ugly makeup job isn't doing much for my eyes either. And you all smirk and lie, and drone on and on about how you went to see some band no one in their right mind has ever heard of, and here I sit staring at a computer screen, which I was never meant to notice. Marilyn Monroe was on TV once and we all know where it got her. A beautiful woman who sold herself into the scene where beauty gets cracked like cheap glass. That's what we're all doing. That's what we're all meant to do, I guess. Strive, Achieve, and Crumble. That's all I've ever done, and achievement and destruction seem to go hand in hand for me. On the surface, I'm everything you were taught to be afraid of, but were drawn to. On the inside, I'm everything that keeps you from opening your eyes in the dark. On the inside, I'm what your instincts warn you about. I use up, tear down, and break apart. I talk shit. I wear two faces. I tell lies. I'm what you'd love to despise, but can't help but to adore. The things I say here, I will say to your face. The things I say here are my real feelings. The things I say here will always offend. I don't care. Jealousy is just a trait which most of the kids who pre-package themselves as me seem to possess. You can paint your eyes, pout for the camera flash, roll your eyes at the haters, keep the smiles under the covers, dream of the lights in Hollywood, and pretend to be the one and only, but a few things still remain when the bandages come off, and the sunglasses get cracked when they see a mirror: My hair is still straighter then Tommy Lee's dick. My jeans are still tighter then that noose you threaten your life with. My face will still tell you the truth by telling you lies. My mouth is still flawless and still vomits up insults which cut deeper then the razorwire lining Alcatraz. And I'm still the one person which will never care if you love me or not, because if you don't love me, you hate me. And either way, I'm still the girl which makes it hard for you to sleep at night. So that redness in your eyes is what makes me smile when nothing else can.I can be considered the simplest or the most complicated girl you'll ever meet, take your pick. I love what I can't have, and hate what's presented in front of me. I've accepted the fact that nothing works out as planned, and "Why me?" just isn't a question to be answered, or asked for that matter. I can pick my friends, but that doesn't make me shallow, it makes me proficient. Trust doesn't come easy, but those who I trust, I'd go to the end of the World and back for. My favorite people could never be close enough. For those that commit repeated, and/or unforgivable offenses, and this is rare, I cut them out of my life entirely. I make them dead to me. Honestly, revenge is too much work, and I don't want the karma that comes with that. I'm EXTREMELY protective of my friends. Fucking with them is the quickest way to make me your worst enemy. I'm so fragile, it's pathetic. I'm sick and pasty, just like my pale skin depicts. In one second I can go from feeling something good, to completely pitfalling and collapsing again. I can't go two hours without opening the front cover of my paper journal to stare so longingly at a razor blade. Three fucking times I've begged for forgiveness, and three fucking times I've come up short. I don't know if I can handle a fourth. I can't go five minutes without needing someone else to make me happy. I'm a very genuine and honest person. If you think I haven't been to you, well then you just need to go get some fresh air away from the computer, and have your brain checked. I want to be friends with everyone, no matter your interests, beliefs, even if different then mine, as long as they're real. I love people who have passion, in life, in love, in their beliefs. I don't like conformists, or people that think they're better, or feel the need to put others down because they aren't the same. I try really hard not to break promises, and if you get a "Promise, promise" from me, that's pretty much me signing my soul to you, that I will follow through. I expect others to keep promises, though they're constantly broken rather then kept. I believe in people, so I'm let down easily. I won't change who I am to impress people. I'm not just one thing, I'm many different forms of Bobbi. I won't like you if you're shallow, close minded, ignorant, two faced, a liar, promise-breaker, selfish, or lacking a personality, or even worse a fake personality. Boys that add 16 year old sluts, stay away, you're arrogant. I don't like stalkers or lurkers either. If I open up to you, it's a BIG step for me, because that only happens every so often, with very few people, so keep that in mind. I'm a very open minded, nice person, unless you piss me off. If I don't like you, I can be a MAJOR fucking bitch. I'm still a loner most of the time. I value true friendships. I don't know many true people. Then please try not to give up on me or let me down as the others have. I like listening, and attempting to give advice, but I feel people eventually figure out (unfortunately usually too late) what was wrong, and could have been done. Usually If I find one extremely agitating flaw in a person, that's it, I can't be attracted to them in that "romantic" way again. If you bore or agitate me, there's pretty much nothing more you can do to change that. I myself have many flaws I'm trying to change/work on. I'm just a girl who has no passion. A girl who has no faith. Where's the life in that? Basically, I'm just a stupid useless piece of shit. Always was, always will be. Don't deserve to have friends, don't deserve to have a girlfriend. I'm just a stupid cunt who can't do anything right. I hope I die.So here I am trying, to explain myself, and once again, nothing makes sense, but maybe I was never meant to say it out loud, so I say it again. I'm just a naive stupid little girl.