CyberGoddess's blog: "Your Goddess Speaks"

For all my friends: I'm sorry I haven't been here much lately. I have received messages from people who are worried. I am worried too. I have been (and still am) very very ill. The prognosis is not good. I have been diagnosed with mycobacterium avium complex, which is a lung disease normally associated with much older women or with those who have HIV or AIDS. Let me assure you, I have neither of those. This condition is a result of having very weak lungs, due to blood clots in them 6 years ago. It is a fungus, which can be treated, but not cured. It may go into remission, but it will come back. I am being treated with very heavy duty drugs right now, and am hopeful, but the drugs make me ill as well. The biggest danger of this illness is that of wasting away. Although I will be the first to admit that I could use some wasting away, I am not hungry at all, and get sick whenever I eat. I can only hope that this gets under control quickly. Thanks to all of you who have expressed concern. I'll keep you posted.

I love someone. He loves me. You'd think this was an easy thing... but it's not. I have loved him for 10 years. And I've walked away from him twice. Ever get into a situation that you just knew wasn't good for you, but you couldn't help yourself... that's how this has been. I have been hopelessly, helplessly in love with him for 10 years. Sometimes I miss him so much I can scarely breathe. But I still walked away. I wish I could have turned the page like I wanted to. *sigh* I want to let it go.

These many years I have been working with the theme of... letting go... To relinquish the people one loves is especially hard, and yet this is the nature and requirement of love. While I cling to another, I can never truly love that person. When I love the other I will free him or her to follow a path that is not my path, to hold opinions that are in opposition to my own, to have friends that will never be my friends, to live in a city that is not my city, to leave the circle of my love for another's love. Him that I love, I wish to be Free. Even from me. ......sigh ............Its time to turn the page

Now I know I'm really showing my age, because I remember ALL of these!!! DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...? All the girls had ugly gym uniforms? It took five minutes for the TV warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a purebred dog? When a quarter was a decent allowance? You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels? You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot? Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box? It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents? They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . . and they did? When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady? No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked? Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a " and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game? Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger? And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today? When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat. Can you still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Claira Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk. As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"? I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care. How many of these do you remember? Candy cigarettes Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers Newsreels before the movie P.F. Fliers Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines Peashooters Howdy Dowdy 45 RPM records Green Stamps Hi-Fi's Metal ice cubes trays with levers Mimeograph paper Beanie and Cecil Roller-skate keys Cork pop guns Drive ins Studebakers Washtub wringers The Fuller Brush Man Reel-To-Reel tape recorders Tinkertoys Erector Sets The Fort Apache Play Set Lincoln Logs 15 cent McDonald hamburgers 5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum Penny candy 35 cent a gallon gasoline Jiffy Pop popcorn Do you remember a time when... Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-m iney-moe"? Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"? "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest? Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"? The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"? Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot? A foot of snow was a dream come true? Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures? "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense? Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team? War was a card game? Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle? Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin? Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

YOU’RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST. I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU! I want to know 33 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, like each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine...You're on my list, so I want to know you better! ) POST IN YOUR OWN BLOG and let me know when its up. ============================================= 1.)Q. Can you cook? 1.)A. Not only can I cook, but I can make you believe it's good for you too! 2.)Q. What was your dream growing up? 2.)A. I wanted to be Marilyn Monroe! 3.)Q. What talent do you wish you had? 3.)A. I wish I could play the harp, the flute and the piano. 4.)Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be? 4.)A. Tequila (it makes me stupid, but what the hell). 5.)Q. Favorite vegetable? 5.)A. Can't really decide. I like them all. 6.)Q. What was the last book you read? 6.)A. Atlas Shrugged 7.)Q. What zodiac sign are you ? 7.)A. Leo/Virgo cusp child 8.)Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 8.)A. I have tattooed eyeliner and lips, and 3 piercings in each ear. 9.)Q. Worst Habit? 9.)A. Speaking my mind 10.)Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? 10.)A. No, I'd slow down, roll down my window and laugh hysterically at you trying to catch my car. Of COURSE I'd give you a ride! What kind of question is that? 11.)Q. What is your favorite sport? 11.)A. Nascar 12.)Q. Negative or Optimistic attitude? 12.)A. Mostly optimistic 13.)Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 13.)A. Well... if I were stuck in an elevator with my "crush", I'd probably attack him. If I were stuck in an elevator with anyone else, I'd probably start a conversation with myself and fuck your head up! 14.)Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you? 14.)A. It's a toss-up between breaking my foot, getting married and my mother's death. I think getting married is it. 15.)Q. Tell me one weird fact about you: 15.)A. I'm a Reiki Master and Shaman. 16.)Q. Do you have any pets? 16.)A. 4 cats, a dog, and fish 17.)Q. What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly? 17.)A. I'd open the door of course! 18.)Q. What was your first impression of me? 18.)A. I generally don't have a first impression of anyone unless it's negative. 19.)Q. Do you think clowns are scary? 19.)A. No. I think they're annoying. 20.)Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be??? 20.)A. Nothing! I'm perfect! LOL! Actually, I'd like to be taller. Statuesque is beautiful. 21.)Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? 21.)A. Partner! 22.)Q. What color eyes do you have? 22.)A. steel blue 23.)Q. Ever been arrested? 23.)A. No, and there's a story behind it. 24.)Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? 24.)A. Buy a new car. 25.)Q. Would you date me? 25.)A. I'm very particular, so I'd have to say no until I say yes. 28.)Q. Do you believe in ghosts? 28.)A. yes 29.)Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 29.)A. Go out and listen to a good band play. 30.)Q. Do you swear a lot? 30.)A. What kind of fucking asswipe question is that? Oops... sorry... 31.)Q. Biggest pet peeve? 31.)A. Pervs asking to see my private pics, like they DESERVE to see them! 32.)Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself? 32.)A. Challenging (but worth it!) 33.)Q. What's your middle name? 33.)A. Theresa 34.)Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same 34.) A. Nahhhhhhh

I was going to quit CT today after being bugged to death by some people who just won't take silence for an answer (NO! for those of you who need translation). However, after being reminded (by a friend) of who I am, I have decided to give this a while longer. When I let people add me as a friend, it does not mean that you are on my fans list, nor are you family until I decide that you are. If you'd like to be treated like a piece of crap, trust me, you will get what you ask for. Being told over and over again how "beautiful", "sexy", etc. is a real bore. There is a person inside the hair and the face, and if you want to talk to me, you'd better come at me with more than your dick in hand. (Seen one, seen them all.) I am a well-loved friend of many people, including musicians, family and friends. I have a favorite on here, and if you have to ask if it's you, trust me, it isn't. He knows who he is. Does he consider me a favorite? I would like to think so, but hell if I know. Why isn't he my "crush"? He is, and he knows it. It doesn't have to show up on here for him to know it. He is my knave and my dear, when I so choose. You guys with attitudes can take a HIKE! This guy got to my heart by being himself. Those of you who want to look at my PRIVATE pictures have a long wait ahead of you. They are for MY eyes alone, until such time as I lose my mind and let anyone else look (which will never happen). When you ask me to look at my sensual pictures, I will remind you that I have two grown sons and a host of biker friends who take pleasure and great pride in tracking down vermin like you. If you've read all the way through this and still want to talk to me, send me a message. If I'm busy, I'll tell you I'm busy. And don't nag me about it either. When I say it once, I mean it once. Any further attempts on your part will result in you being put on iggy. I don't care if it hurts your feelings. I'm a friggin' GODDESS!

Just a note to those of you who leave them... I don't forward chain letter comments. Call me kooky, but I just don't see it as productive use of my time. Sorry.

Leo/Virgo August 19 to August 23 Leo is the fifth sign of the zodiac. Moving past the exploration of the world and the need to nurture of the first four signs, Leo's great need is to create. Virgos, represented by the sixth sign of the zodiac, bring their skills and talents together for the good of others. Those born on the Leo/Virgo cusp have the vitality and ambition to be successful in their creative endeavors and are industrious and efficient when working for a good cause. The astrological symbol of Leo is the Lion. The astrological symbol of Virgo is the Virgin. The Virgin reflects the qualities of a virgin, rather than the definition: Virgos and Virgo cusps tend to be shy and somewhat nervous, and they may be undemonstrative. The Leo/Virgo is a curious mixture of introverted and extroverted tendencies, modesty and flamboyance, and a capacity to see both the largest and the smallest picture in every situation. They are practical and logical, and extremely creative. Virgo and Virgo cusps are skilled at seeing all sides of a situation. In this way, Virgo exemplifies the mutable quality assigned to it. Leo and Leo cusps hold strong, steady opinions and have a strong ability to see their projects through to the end. In this way, Leo exemplifies the fixed quality assigned to it. Leo/Virgos are good businesspeople because of their methodical attention to detail and their ability to stick with a practical and organized routine. They are good organizers, and they tend to be popular, even inspiring. Leo is ruled by the Sun. Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury. In ancient Roman mythology, Mercury (and his Greek equivalent, Hermes) was the messenger god. He was a quick, nervous type, and he was known for his strong reasoning and capacity for analyzing. Communication is his province. As a planet, Mercury is androgynous. In ancient times, the Sun was believed to be the center of the Universe, the core of existence, the Father. Leo/Virgo cusps are gregarious and social, fun-loving and live life with enthusiasm. The natural leadership of these people and their administrative prowess help ensure that their projects are successful. Leo/Virgos enjoy exploring subjects or interests deeply. They are very good at understanding the deeper meaning of what others say. They rely on logic rather than emotion to make their decisions. They are reliable, practical and diligent, but they can sometimes seem picky or overcritical to those who aren't as discriminating as they are. Leo/Virgos are decisive and direct, optimistic that they will succeed. Sometimes they exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling blocks, but generally they are positive and their natural pride and stubborn streak keeps them from giving up. The element associated with Leo is Fire. Fire Signs are physical: they tend to respond to the world through action, rather than intellect or emotion. The element associated with Virgo is Earth. They tend to respond to the world by examining the worth of each possible response. Leo/Virgos, or Fire/Earth signs, are able to analyze and then take appropriate action. They are selective and discriminating, but are always moving and quick. Their warmhearted and outgoing personalities are fiery and abundant. They are cheerful and self-assured, and they are studious and sensible in business dealings. They are skeptical of extravagant claims and promises. Many Leo/Virgos, however, love to gamble, and may be brash and extravagant at the gaming table. They also tend to be very health-conscious. They are concerned with diet and hygiene. This interest in health ensures they take good care of their mental and physical selves. In their leisure time, Leo/Virgos prefer to play in groups rather than solo. It is less important to them that exercise be interesting, so long as it is effective and social. Their perfectionism and physical strength make them strive to excel in whatever sport they choose. In love relationships, Leo/Virgo is devoted and sometimes jealous, but not especially flirtatious. The great strength of Leo/Virgos is in their creativity and attention to detail, and their desire to be of service. They pick up on the little things that most miss. Thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems are second nature to those with this astrological placement. Their commitment to helping others makes them one of the most giving characters of the zodiac.

I received this from a kindred spirit this morning and thought I would post it as a blog. ========================== When You Feel Unloved By, Heavenletters ========================== God/dess said: This blessing of giving love is yours. Understand what a blessing it is. It is a great gift given to you, this ability to love, this necessity to love. If you did not have the ability to love, you would not bemoan when you do not feel love. You may think you feel bereft when you feel unloved, but it is bereavement of your own inexpression of love that strikes your heart. When you feel unloved, this is the time to find the stifled love in your own heart and let it out. Love stifled feels like no one loves you, but it is really the desert of giving love that pains you. It is your own giving of love that you crave to see. Try it. At those times when your heart feels dried up, and you feel you do not have a thimbleful of love to give, this then is when you will do well to return to the natural world I have given you. A walk in the woods will help. Looking up at the God-given sky will help. Begin by loving the natural environment. Look at a leaf of a tree. Pick a berry. Crunch your boots in snow. Look and listen. Hear the birds. What are they possibly chirping but Love, love, love. It may help to pull weeds. And let each weed you pull symbolize a block to love gone. Be gentle with your blocks, not fierce. Tweeze them out. They are little nothings getting in the way of love. When truth be known, nothing can stand in the way of love, but something is belying the love in your heart. It feels stalemated. It feels like it has no place to go. So, then, beloveds, find a place for it. Feel compassion for all the growing things. Hold them to your heart. Wish to give them love if only you knew how. Observe a puppy, and know that is what your heart is like, would be like if it had not been interfered with. Your heart would go all over the place, wobbly or not. Your heart would engage, endeavor, and explore all the lovingness in the world. A puppy knows only how to give. No one has taught the puppy restraint. He is love let go on the universe. Observe the similarity between your heart and a puppy. When your heart feels hurt, lonely, empty, quasi-incapable of loving, know that it is protesting its disuse. Your hearts giving has too often been discouraged by your deciding mind. Your heart is not by nature fussy, but your mind likes to pick and choose, find the best tomatoes in the bin, as it were.. All the while, the importance is not in picking but in giving. Give love. Give love until love remembers itself and flows from your heart. Give love until you remember how good it feels. Give love regardless of what your mind decides. Your heart has been following directives of your mind, and so your heart has withheld love. It has felt forbidden to love, as though it needed a spectacular diamond to love. Not finding that spectacular diamond, your mind has told your heart to pick up its marbles and go home. Your mind has told your heart: Recede. There is nothing good enough here for you to love. Go home. Obedient heart then denies its own nature and withdraws. This is what makes your heart ache. Have your mind give your heart new messages. Let your mind tell your bereaving heart: Okay, be yourself. Love everywhere. Be without object. Just love anyway. Never mind the restrictions I gave. Now I tell you to love. Pour that love out, and soon you will be swimming in it, relaxed, floating on your back, looking up at the sky, and happy to have given love as if you knew that love was always yours to give, as if you know that love is all you had to give, and that that giving is the lightness of heart you have been so desiring. I now give you permission to love and no longer deny yourself the joy of it. Let love be. Heavenletters www.heavenletters.org * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- The love I give is the love I receive As I love and accept myself exactly as I am right here and right now with all my so-called flaws and embarrassing parts, I find it easier to accept you in the same way. When I put conditions on my love, for myself or others, then I am not loving freely. "I will love you if" is not love; it is control. So I learn to release the need to control others and allow them the freedom to be who they are. I see us all struggling on our pathways, learning to create peace inside of ourselves, doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have at the time. As more of us open our conditional love, we will tap into the new level spiritual power that is here for us. I see a blanket of benevolence covering the planet and helping us transform our consciousness from fear to love. Affirmation: Accept yourself totally and completely for one full day and see what happens. ~ Meditations to Heal Your Life - Louise L. Hay ~ -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- Love . . . the most powerful force in the Universe. It can wipe away tears, turn a frown into a smile. Give hope where there was none. It can turn enemies into friends. It can turn the darkness into the Light. Love is the Light. Love removes all judgment. It accepts and does not condemn. It has compassion and understanding. With love there is no anger, no fear and no suffering. There is only peace. -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- * -:¦:- Suffering & Compassion As you realize you are inherently interconnected with every other sentient being, you will feel both suffering and compassion. You are not alone. The poignancy of being in a sentient body is suffering. This suffering is the beginning of transmutation and the opening of your heart to feeling with others. This does not mean you will suffer more, but that you will realize how much all beings suffer, which in itself, will transform suffering into pure presence. As you allow yourself to feel suffering, your self pity will vanish into empathy. You are embedded in every living being, and every living being is embedded in you. The Love-Light transmutes suffering when you allow yourself to feel with others through your own suffering. Let suffering be pure energy. Let go of trying to posses it. Visualize and feel suffering as the last vestiges of clinging, a poignant burning within your being. Suffering says, "Feel and blend with everything and transmute negativity. Change pain into compassion. Bear with what comes to you and cling to nothing. What is immutable?" Compassion As you fully realize your oneness with all sentient beings, your heart will open to the sick, the hurt, the helpless, and the dying. This is a great art and mystery of transforming poison into medicine. Fear not pollution or being hurt by others, for as you include and embrace even your "enemies" the stream of conflict and suffering in your own being will cease. Compassion cannot be contained or limited, yet it embraces all. Negativity and its roots are burned like incense in fire and dissolved like salt in water when the generous flow of compassion floods your being. Respond to people and situations around you with gentle kindness. You are love in blessed companionship with all and any near or far. Visualize and feel Compassion as a golden elixir created in your own heart. Compassion says, "Love the ugly, the sick, and the difficult as much as the beautiful, the healthy, and the easy. Transmute the posion of the world and it will turn to medicine in the crucible of your heart." Rowena Pattee Kryder, PhD