Annelid's blog: "Ramblings,thoughts and assorted stuff"

Yes another exciting blog entry. Release the doves and sound the trumpets. Anyways, it’s another exciting Thursday night. I’m bored senseless. When I think, I really think…and I frankly depress the hell out of myself. Note to self, don’t think. So I’ve joined a gym. Yay. In a way it’s nice to work out (which makes me sleepy and I do love to sleep). Of course if I should drop some weight, all the better. I’ve also made a concerted effort to eat a bit healthier. I have no delusions of grandeur ie becoming a Adonis or having 6 pack abs. What bothers me about these gyms is that everybody there seems to be in shape already…where’s the average joes? Talk about feeling inadequate when walking in and looking around. I do what I can do (and that ain’t much) and leave. I’ve also learned that I’m pretty antisocial. Well being on fubar…isn’t that a oxymoron? No not really as it’s just words/text and dopey emoticons on a page. I have few friends, which suits me just fine. I never was and frankly never will be. Yes, I’ll make you laugh with amusing antecedents, witty comments or other various forms of small talk. I sit and think to myself… self (hehe) you can never really be happy. Now some people might say, it’s all in the mindset stupid. Perhaps. But to know me is too loathe me. I’m weird. I like the thrill of the chase but never go for the kill. For me there is no “kill”. I can talk a good game…but that’s it . Expect nothing. And if I do socialize or “date” it’s with zero expectations. I have none. I seek nothing. Perhaps some good conversation at best. Or maybe I want more? I don’t know..and frankly I really don’t care anymore. I can’t make myself happy… so why try to pursue a relationship? It’s really pointless. On a lighter note, I did get a copy of the re-release of “ A Clockwork Orange”. That shall be my weekend viewing. Yay for me. Now back to your regularly scheduled whine fest. Ever have those thoughts were you walk around and nothing seems to excite you? Where you derive no pleasure in anything? That’s me. I walk around in a haze. I feel anger, sadness, self loathing and sometimes, nothing at all. A cornucopia of emotions. I usually sit around the apartment just staring off into space. I day dream a lot. Usually it’s non senseical things…mostly trivial. I really forsee nothing in my future as I use the past as a gauge. I never accomplished much then and why break that streak of utter uselessness?