TheAmbassadorOfRomanceInVenus's blog: "A Smiley"

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike? 1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. **************** Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took 2 years and cost over $180,000.00. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasureduring sex.After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and cost an excess of $250,000.00, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to conduct their own study. The Poles didn't really trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of right around $75.00, the Polish study reached a conclusion. The Polish study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft........ is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead......... ******************************** After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my baby daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool." "It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations." Well," said the doctor, "Let me ask you this, how often do you have sex?" The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months." "Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust." **** Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower - Cooter, Pete and K.C. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is Killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone Should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she Gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to Her, You must be Cooter's widow'." She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... Then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are. 4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun. 6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try. 7. It's best to have a soft place to land. 8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it. 9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them. 10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time. 11. Once you learn, you never forget how. 12. If you fall off get right back on. 13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up. 14. Remember to signal before you change direction. 15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip. 16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat. 17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way. 18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes. ********************** Why I Love Her A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife. His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies... "Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea" So what say the friends, flip her over. "Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says. "Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in. "Halitosis" the man says. "Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say. "Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish." ****************************** Where Babies Come From One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from." Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from." ************************* Tricking a Nun A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!" *********************** ******************************