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You’re probably Wiccan if…
v You spend time at work complaining that you blew up your kitchen last night all because you added Burdock Root to the pot.
v You spend so much time staring at the candle scents in Yankee candle that when you see “Plastic Bags” you think it’s a candle scent, too
v You walk into a Christian store just for the heck of it
v You ask a customer annoying questions such as: “What’s God’s name?” and “Have you ever read the bible?”
v You wear excessive amounts of one color (for a good reason)
v You wear shirts that say “Pagan and Proud” or “Magick is afoot”
v You give yourself the title of “Lady” or “Lord”
v You name yourself after a god or goddess
v You name your kids after gods or goddesses
v The first thing you ask your friend when you walk into their house is, “So, where’s the herb cabinet?”
v You have so many candles in your house that if the power goes out, it comes back on before you light every single one
v When someone asks for more light, you happily pull a candle and matches out of your pocket, light the candle, and set it by them
v You have so many candles, incense and scented oils, you could pick out the scent while blindfolded
v You had such strong incense in your college dorm room, your mates started to avoid going in there even if it was the closest restroom
v You were so obsessed with fire as a kid that your extremely worried parents sent you first to a therapist, then a boarding school
v You got kicked out of the school for burning too many candles
v You laugh hysterically during the New Life Church commercials
v You call the church anyway, asking the same questions as the Christian store customer
v Plus, you ask, “Have you ever seen God?” (or other questions
v When they answer no (or whatever), you hang up and laugh.
v You do that so often that your house, cell, and work numbers have been given to each member of the church and they’ve been told to ignore calls from them
v You finally reveal your identity (and religion), after which everyone from New Life is calling you
v When one calls you, you sing (in between the yelling), “Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken.” (Evanescence)
v Then, after listening, you say, “My goddess gave birth to your god.”
v You hang up, and go back to meditating
v When someone tells you your going to hell, you look all thoughtful and say, “So, how do you know there’s a hell?”
v They answer, “It’s in the Bible,” and then you say, “Well, let’s say your god is good, right? So, why would he condemn someone who simply decided differently to the fires of hell?”
v When security checks your purse, they find birthday candles, tinfoil, and a mojo bag
v You keep a broom in your coat closet wrapped in black velvet
v In your house, there are two types of mirrors: reflection and scrying
v You got arrested for doing a skyclad ritual at the public park
v Silver is the only jewelry you will wear
v Every time someone mentions the devil’s star, you go off on a rant that it’s only Satanist when turned upside down and Earth and Fire are on top
v To you, the Holy Grail is Cerridwyn’s cauldron
v Mary Magdalene was your favorite Bible character
v You’re going to name your daughter Mary Magdalene
v When people come to eat lunch with you, you yell at them that they just broke your circle
v You get suspended for disrupting class while learning about the witch hunts
v You like King Arthur legends either because of Merlin or Morgan of the Faeries
v Fairies, to you, is spelled, “Faeries”
v You have multiple imaginary friends and swear they aren’t imaginary, they’re spirit guides
v Your favorite Macbeth characters were the 3 witches
v You claim the “miracles” mentioned in the bible are truly magick
v When someone tells you we’re going to die in 10 years, you say, “Nostradamus said we’d die sometime in 3000, not 2000
v Whenever you used the word “magick” in school, you got points taken off because you refused to leave off the “k”
v When asked what your favorite color is, you don’t just answer black. Instead, you say, “Black. It’s for protection
v When asked what religion you are, you go off on a long rant about, “Well, I’m on the Druidic path, but if that there’s Druidactos, Gwyddonic…” finally finishing with, “Well, so, I’m a Reformed Druid.”
v When you were asked to find a slogan for school, you chose, “Cast the circle thrice about, to keep the evil spirits out
v You chose anything from the Rede for your slogan
v You try to get out of work on Feb. 2 (any Sabbats…) telling your boss, “But, it’s a holiday!
v You also attempt to get out of work on Esbats
v Your very annoyed boss fires you
v Left with no work, you open your own place where everyone has Sabbats & Esbats off
v You clearly label “wedding” pictures with “Handfasting”
v When you get bored, you write a letter to someone across the world in an ancient alphabet (Ex: Runes, Greek)
v When you have a cold, you refuse medicine, and instead mix Auge Weed, Coltsfoot, and Ragwort
v Then, you drink it
v Your special remedy for acne is Witch Hazel
v Your special remedy for blemishes is Dandelions
v Therefore, you are constantly seen across the street weeding the neighbors’ lawns
v You get kicked out of the movie theater during “Harry Potter” because you kept shouting, “That’s not magick!”
v You constantly wear hair ribbons so you can always make a circle
v When someone says, “Amen (or god bless you),” you smile and say, “Yes, Blessed Be to you, too.”
v You wrote a letter to the government about taking “under god” out of the pledge
v You tried to change “God bless America” to “Goddess bless America”
v You started jumping up and down when you saw Colorado was trying to make a “Garden of the Goddesses” next to “Garden of the Gods” to make the Pagans happy
v Charmed is your favorite show mainly because it’s one of the few shows or movies that shows the possibility of magick
v You ask your friend if they want you to call their ancestor to them for any kind of advice, saying, “You know, people from olden times give great advice on modern problems…”
v You walk around on Feb 2, saying, “Happy Imbolc!”
v Everything you see, you try to relate to magick
v You laughed at most of the things on this list, and found most of it was true for you
v A lot of your friends didn’t get it
v You then read “You might be a Goth” to see if that’s also true
