You may be a Correctional Officer IF...
- -You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
- -You believe that 95% of people are a waste of skin
- -Your idea of a good time is a "33" at shift change.
- -You call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.
- -Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
- -You can identify, a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by looking at person.
- -You find humor in other people's stupidity.
- -You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
- -You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for arrest.
- -You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
- -You plan what you're going to have for dinner while striping your duty belt
- -You believe unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it sure is quiet around here."
- -You refer to your OC as an "attitude adjustor"
- -Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can track.
- -You believe donuts are a food group.
- -When someone calls you a prick, you take it as a compliment.
- -You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide ... getting it right the first time".
- -Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
- -You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
- -When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food.
- -You believe anyone who says "I only had two or three beers" is going to blow over .15
- -You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
- -You believe it's not a good "33" unless it involves overtime.
- -You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
- -You do not see daylight from November to May.
- -People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room & think they're hugely funny and original.
- -You believe in involuntary sterilization
