I hate people who forget something important, or fuck up real bad and say "OMG I have A.D.D. like so bad you have no idea." Go fuck yourself. Just because Mtv.com had a "Do you have A.D.D.?" survey and you answered 1 out of 10, does not mean you have a problem. Fidgeting in class is something everyone does. When you get out of your chair in the middle of Spanish and to do push-ups because you forgot to do them in the morning, you might have A.D.D.
When you have something important do get done and you keep putting it off, you do not have A.D.D. You're procrastinating you fucking catastrophe with a coach bag.
Let me show you why I have A.D.D.
- I was reading the Sunday paper on the toilet at work. One of my many pastimes. Mid-way through a riveting article about Carlos Beltran and my beloved Mets I stopped for 5 minutes to flash back on a fist fight I got into in 6th grade. His name was Darrell and he cleaned my fucking clock. Then I finished the article. You wanna go bike riding???
- I'm reading a Shakespeare play for my class. My girlfriend reads it first and makes little notes for me in case I don't understand things. Because that's such a fucking rare occurrence. She writes ".... Taint her reputation". I stopped reading, searched my house for a pencil for 10 minutes so I could circle the word "taint" with an arrow leading up to it and write "You wrote taint!"
- I came home drunk the other night and stepped on the dogs tail. Woke the whole fucking house up. While my dad was giving me the "You gotta watch your drinking" speech I was replaying scenes from Shaun of the Dead in my mind. Giggling in my own retarded head.
- While doing a final last semester, I paused for 10 minutes to imagine myself in a movie where I was the hero and I was fighting John Travolta for the detonator to a bomb that was going to blow up Canada. I won the fight, shaved a poodle, saved the country and got a B on the test.
- It is now 1:19am. I stopped reading the book I have to have read by 8:00am to write this blog.
I have A.D.D., and you probably won't win the World Series with that rotation.
